GOT Review: Episode 21 – Valar Dohaeris
December 11, 2018Summary:
The Night’s Watch has a tough battle against ice. Jon meets the king beyond the wall. Dany meets a charming man, and then an old knight. Tyrion fears for his life. Tywin wins father of the year. Davos makes a difficult journey only to be jailed. Margarey plays chess while Joffrey doesn’t understand checkers.
Quotes:
Tywin Lannister: We’ll find you accommodations more suited to your name and as a reward for your accomplishments during the Battle of Blackwater Bay. And when the time is right, you will be given a position fit for your talents, so that you can serve your family and protect our legacy. And if you serve faithfully, you will be rewarded with a suitable wife – and I would let myself be consumed by maggots before mocking the family name and making you heir to Casterly Rock!
Tyrion Lannister: Why?
Tywin Lannister: Why? You ask that? You who killed your mother to come into the world? You are an ill-made, spiteful little creature full of envy, lust, and low cunning. Men’s laws give you the right to bear my name and display my colors since I cannot prove that you are not mine. And to teach me humility, the gods have condemned me to watch you waddle about wearing that proud lion that was my father’s sigil and his father’s before him. But neither gods nor men will ever compel me to let you turn Casterly Rock into your whorehouse. Go, now. Speak no more of your rights to Casterly Rock. Go!
So, this is the crux of not only this episode, but season 3 and 4 of Game of Thrones. Tywin does not give the slightest care about Tyrion and if his last name wasn’t Lannister, he’d have had him killed by the Mountain years ago. He blames Tyrion for the death of his wife, who Tywin loved deeply. After the death, Tywin was never the same. It’s not fair to judge an infant for something he has no control over, but it’s a surprisingly realistic reaction.
It’s an overly cruel undressing of Tyrion, who comes to his father with a fair question. Tyrion has to know that Tywin will never give him Casterly Rock, but I guess it was worth a chance. You’d think there would be a reward for saving King’s Landing, but it’s just not in the cards for our favorite Lannister. As he’ll say later on, Tyrion is punished for being a dwarf, his greatest crime. If he did better in the genetic lottery, he might still be hand of the king.
What Works:
Book 3 material – While not technically part of the show, this and season 4 are based on, by far, the best book – A Storm of Swords. While the show does take some liberties, this is the best it’s going to get. You can feel the quality has improved, even factoring in Blackwater. All I’m saying is buckle on for a good ride. When this ride stops, we’ll start getting into some real rants
Way to open a season – Our season opens with clashing of swords and Sam running. Once again, GOT has cheapened out and avoided showing a battle. That’s what you get for Blackwater draining the budget. While Sam runs, he finds a decapitated Brother. Then, a walker attacks and would kill Sam if not for Ghost striking him down. Then, Jeor burns the corpse from off screen after an intense scene. Jeor looks super bad ass. He is bleeding from the head and holds a flaming stick. I mean, this was just awesome. You want to get people hyped for a new season? Take notes on this.
Jeor asks if Sam sent the ravens which he didn’t. Jeor is pissed as hell because that was their best means of survival – help from the kingdoms. Jeor gives a speech that they must return home to Castle Black and survive by any means necessary for the realm. Every moment Jeor was on screen, he owned it. Truly, MVP worthy stuff here.
Meeting the King of the Wildings – The wildings taunt Jon and throw rocks at him as he is marched to Mance’s tent. Anybody else get Jesus vibes? Where’s John Legend when we need him? Ygritte protects Jon by hitting one of the wildings with her staff, but mentions that she still intends to kill him. She says his survival is based on how Mance views him. That’s a funny way of saying “Let’s have freezing sex into the wee hours of the night”.
To the delight of the audiences, we get to meet Tormund Giantsbane, a true standout character. Though his goofball side comes out more in later seasons, he’s still interesting from the jump. Personally, I think he’s the saving grace of the Wall plot line early on. We also see the Lord of Bones demasked, though I don’t think he does jack shit in the show other than wear detailed halloween costumes. Oh, and probably die.
Tomund is dismissive of Jon being a prisoner until he hears he killed the half hand. He says that Qhorin killed a ton of his friends, some who were giants. Jon kneels to Tormund, thinking he’s the king which leads to uproarious laughter. Obviously, he’s not the king, but he says everybody should kneel when he farts. Mance says that there’s no need to kneel and dismisses everyone but Tormund. Mance notes that Ygritte has a thing for Jon. Thanks for confirming obvious plots Mance. No wonder you’re king among all these other idiots.
Mance’s questioning is pretty direct. Mance is appreciative that Qhorin is dead and shakes Jon’s hand. Then he begins to press him. Why was he with the Half hand, but more importantly, why does he want to join? Jon says he wants to be free, but Mance doesn’t buy it. Mance thinks Jon wants to be a hero, which is kind of true. As the guards surround him, Mance repeats the question. Jon cites the Craster incident of leaving the boys for the walkers. He mentions that Jeor was aware. How about that? A call back that covered something I hated. This is actually pretty solid cover story. Jon says he wants to fight for the right side – the living. Mance says they will get him the right cloak.
Ok, not really.
Cersei shows up with kingsguard members, which frightens our favorite Lannister. He even grabs an axe before letting her in. Cersei says she wanted to see his face and notes he didn’t lose his nose – this is a reference to the books where half his nose was cut off. I like this quick reference and I don’t hate the change. Imagine having to watch Tyrion noseless? Not for me.
Later, Tyrion walls with Bronn and asks him for additional protection as he fears more retaliation is coming. Bronn, ever the opportunist, asks to double his salary now that he’s a knight.
I think a lot of this is just natural behavior for the characters. Tyrion seeks knowledge and answers, Cersei seeks power and protecting herself and Bronn seeks money. I prefer the clever Tyrion causing mischief for the assholes of court, but here he’s still pretty good paranoid and his wits remain on display.
Davos Lives – Covered in spots and in rough shape, we see Davos on a deserted island. He’s beat up, but not dead by any means. Thank frigging god. We need somebody to root for on this series. A ship comes to rescue him.
A crew on a rowboat from said ship asks which king he serves. Davos doesn’t waiver, and says he serves Stannis. The men smile and take him on board. Davos’ loyalty is rewarded. This will not be a running theme of the series.
The man who captains the ship is Salladhor Saan, incredible bit character. The two men together are always good, though this isn’t a happy meeting. Davos confirms his son was killed by the wildfire. Sann gives his condolences and confirms that Stannis is alive. Davos requests to be taken to Dragonstone.
Salladhor warns Davis about Stannis’ new habits. Stannis only meets with the red woman. They are now burning people alive which deeply disturbs Davos. And you know, most of humanity. Anyone speaking against Meli is chosen to be burnt and Stannis does nothing to stop it. Davos wants to return and kill the Red woman. Saan thinks this is crazy and recommends Davos live a little while longer. Davos insists, and Saan eventually agrees but tells him he will give all his remains to his widow to wear around her neck.
Barristan the Bold – After visiting a charming slaver master, a young girl rolls a ball at Dany, and tells her to open it. However, a hooded men who had been trailing Dany for some time knocks it out of her hands and kills the scorpion inside. The little girl has blue lips like our boy Pyat Pree. So great, we have children soldiers. That’s not suspect or criminally evil at all. The hooded man chases after him but she gets away.
The hooded man is Barristan Selmy, who has come to serve Dany. He says he failed to protect her family originally, but wants to serve her. We don’t get confirmation, but come on… You’re talking this dude on. He’s an insanely strong knight and doesn’t have the moral compass of the slaver next to Dany.
As a matter of fact, why didn’t Semly call out Jorah right year and now. It would have made a lot more sense. Ah well, he gets to be a badass again… for now.
Margarey the politician continued – While being carried in a cart like a piece of shit, Joffrey’s guards stop because Margarey wants to walk among King’s Landing. Her guards advise her to stop, but she goes and talks to children instead. Joffrey decides to continue to be boxed up. Here’s a huge difference in character. Once doesn’t seem like a worthless twot.
Margarey speaks to a host of orphans saying their fathers will be remembered as heroes and gives them toys. Margarey promises to take care of all of them. Margarey tells the leader of the orphanage to come to her for whatever they need to feed and clothed them. The citizens love her. What a concept for this series, right?
At dinner, Joffrey tries to make a joke about the small council meetings being a waste of time to the point of being treason. Ha ha I guess? I mean, that’s the first joke he’s ever offered. That’s promise right?
Can somebody get this kid some booze and a wild boar?
Margarey compliments Cersei’s dress and then discusses her charitable works today. Cersei says that you’ll be likely to die in that area, completely putting off living people because they are poor. Joffrey takes shots at Cersei, saying the attack in Kings’ Landing from season two weren’t dangerous. He’s clearly trying to suck up to Margarey. But I mean, some dude’s arm got ripped off. Let’s be real here Joff, you could have, and should have, died. Margarey says a ton of food is coming daily to feed the people. Joffrey stumbles over the word charity, saying it’s a good thing. Bold stance there, your majesty.
It’s a brillant political play here from margarey who seems to good to be true – because she is. Nobody is truly this perfect. We just rarely get inside her head to see her intentions
What Doesn’t Work:
Fatherly Love – Tyrion meets with Tywin, which starts with painful silence. Tyrion tries to break the silence, and finally does when he asks if Tywin enjoys the job. Tywin coldly responds that Tyrion brought a whore into Tywin’s bed and spent his tenure whoring and drinking. Tyrion asks why his father has not visited but gets no answer. He also mentions how much he did to protect the city – creating the battle plan, leading the charge, and bleeding. He wants some gratitiute, but Tywin says there’s no reason to give any as he is a Lannister.
Tywin knows Tyrion wants something so he asks for it. Tyrion tells him – he wants Casetly Rock as Jaime has no claim to it as a Kingsguard. Tyrion says it’s his by right, which isn’t wrong. Tywin responds with the quote above, sending dagger after dagger at Tyrion who only wants what legally should be his. He also threatens to hang any whores he’s with and dismisses him without so much as a thank you. I’ve given my thoughts about this above but if Tywin has a flaw, it’s underestimating Tyrion. He becomes so obsessed with striping him or any pride or self worth it leads to his downfall.
Stannis not caring – Davos is dropped off at Dragonstone and arrives in Stannis’ chamber. For his trouble, Stannis barely ackowledges Davos, saying that he heard he was dead. Meli is in the room and Stannis will not dismiss her per Davos’ request. Davos calls Stannis a just man but questions burning prisoners a live. He also calls Melisandra his enemy.
Melisandra says she didn’t set the ships ablaze or fight at Blackwater. She believes if present, she would have saved all the men and the battle would be won. She then blames Davos for the loss because he said she couldn’t come. She then puts all the deaths on Davos, reminding him of the screaming and desperate cries. Davos begins to cry. What the Hell Meli? She ends by saying death by fire is the purest death, a clear reference to his son dying. Davos pulls a knife on her but is held back by soldiers. For his outburst, Stannis sends Davos to the dungeon. Meli says he has fallen to darkness, a la Kingdom Hearts. Hopefully he gets a keyblade.
Harrenhall curse – Roose and Robb discuss their battle plans. Roose says the Mountain’s troops should be easy to force out but Robb thinks there will be no fight at Harrenhall. Upon arrival, Robb sees he was right. Everybody in the castle has been killed by Lannister men. The estimate is 200 dead. Perhaps this was a response from all the deaths that were occurring, but I just think the Lannister goons are dicks.
Bolton speaks with Karstark, a very dangerous pairing. Roose says that all the dead men, and Karstarks son will be avenged. Karstark doesn’t seem to believe this at all, which is good because Roose is a bastard. I feel like these two talking is never good. Karstark storms off from the scene. Robb looks on at the dead, then again puts his mother in a chamber that will serve as a cell. Robb has no chill. But of course, she did free Jaime. It’s fair.
Qyburn’s intro- One of the courpses are still alive. His name is Qyburn. Talisa immiedately tends to him. No, no. let him die. Let him die! He’s a frigging nightmare.
He’s not going to die… No. He’ll probably make it to the finale.
Predatory actions –As Sansa fantasizes about boats or something, she is greeted by gentleman Littlefinger. He tells her he’s visited her mother who can’t wait to see both her daughters. Sansa begs for an escape, and Littlefinger’s says he can help, but she must be ready for him.
Pointless gossip – Ros and Shea have a useless, weird conversation, disucssing how they risen up from being whores to positions of power. Ros warns Shea to watch Sansa, especially when it comes to Littlefinger. That’s like saying it’s darker at night. Also, isn’t Ros still a whore? I wouldn’t say that’s much career advancement.
The master of the Unsullied – Dany meets with the owner of the Unsullied army and his translator. The Unsullied are decribed as an unstoppable, completely loyal army. The master is a complete shithead. He explains with pride how they men are created, saying that they are scuplted to not even fear death. The owner gives a display of their power, cutting one of the man’s nipples off, who doesn’t react. That seems completely unnecessary and the guy seems to get off on it. He also mentions that the Unsullied are forced to kill an infant in front of their mother to show no weakness. Again, he’s happy to share this news.
Yeah, I’m out on this guy.
He continues to insult Dany in his conversation, but his translator covers for him. He uses “whore” about 14 times, as if he’s Frank Reynolds but without the charm, nor the funny accent on the word.
Dany can’t stand that so many children was killed to create an army. She also doesn’t like having an army of slaves, questioning if she’ll be better than the owner. But let’s be honest, anyone is better than that guy. I mean, give me Joffrey over him any day.
Deaths – 200 Northerns, a headless Night Watchmen, probably more night watch men off screen, not frigging Bran
