Vintage Reviews – Teen Angel, AKA The Burger Show

Do you remember the 90s? Of course you do. If you’re on here, you’re either old enough to remember the full decade, or clueless on 98% of the content. In this new series, created mostly out of boredom and increased free time, Bloggin Hood and friends (but mostly Bloggin Hood) will re-watch classic shows of yesteryear. This could be a cartoon, family show, or game show. I left the tradition “adult” sitcoms and shows out of this. You don’t need me to tell you Seinfeld is funny. However, what you may remember about these shows from your youth is misguided.

Nostalgia blinds us all, like a poor, uneducated 3^rd grader who stares at the sun for a few seconds too long. Somebody needs to determine whether these favorites growing up were as good as we remember, or the victim of hot smoldering nostalgia. With each show, I’ll review a specific episode. If I’m familiar with the show, it’ll be a randomly selected one, or one I particularly remember being great. If I’m not that familiar, I’ll watch the first episode to judge it. For shows I know, I’ll touch on the characters, and my recollection of the show. Then I will review, as non-bias as I can, if the show stands. You might think as a 30+ year old adult, I won’t like most of these kids shows. But again, if you think that, you’ve literally skipped every other post. Good work.

Today, we will decide if Teen Angel, AKA Burger Show is phat or wack. You try coming up with more updated 90 terms. I dare you.

Concept:

As a result of a dare gone wrong, Marty dies from eating a spoiled burger pulled from under Steve’s bed. He then becomes Steve’s guardian angel. No, this was actually a show. I didn’t believe it either. I still don’t fully accept I’ve watched this.

Theme Song:

There is none. Instead, our deceased protagonist appears in Heaven talking to stock pictures of angels and making quips. I mean, I’ll admit it’s memorable but for all the wrong reasons. Marty’s quips are more painful than listening to Bangs “Take U to Da Movies” on repeat. If you don’t know the song, search for it. I will not post it here.

Let me tell you something friends: shows without theme songs tend to be really bad. A theme helps identify a show in only a few notes or a lyric. Shows without themes knew that were disasters. Rumors that I’m starting right now with no basis suggest that Teen Angel didn’t even have a musician on their staff. They hated the joy a memorable theme could cause, and gave us more Marty as a punishment. Trust me, the viewers were punished all right.

Perception:

TGIF was a treat at one point. There were some classic shows on there, some of which we will likely revisit at a later date. Over time, these family friendly shows were no longer cool, and a young Bloggin Hood preferred to thank the Lord for the weekend by playing Video Games. The defining characteristic of these shows – family friendly entertainment, wasn’t cool after you turn 10. By then, if I was watching something, it was the Simpsons or Seinfeld, pretending I got all the jokes, but didn’t.

How fortunate for me I missed out on Teen Angel, AKA the Burger Show. Somehow I missed this abomination. And when Lil’ Jon brought it to my attention previously, I didn’t believe it. Then when I started researching 90’s shows, this popped up. I still couldn’t believe it. If this show, which features angels, made you question the existing of a benevolent God, I completely understand.

One other, necessary point I need to address before we discuss the 6 month old burger in the room is that Larry Wilmore wrote the third episode of the series. Yes, that Larry Wilmore. The one who appeared the Daily Show, got his own program and currently has a Ringer podcast. Now, I’ll admit I grabbed this info off of Wikipedia, but it’s so random, I believe it. Doesn’t this discredit Wilmore completely? I mean, he should at least be force to record his podcast on a less reputable website. What a crippling blow to his resume. He could have stopped this, but the meager pay and horrific concept was too mediocre to pass up.

Larry, I’m sure you’re reading this. Please leave your information in the comments to discuss.

Characters with some plot (I tried to separate it to just characters, but I couldn’t)

The most head scratching plot point of this show is somehow, not the burger, though it’s heavily involved. It’s how the show treats serious issues. I mean, in the first episode we have the death of a teen and clear depression from the fallout, and it’s treated with a laugh track and jokes. At one point, Steve’s presumed grandmother believes Marty, the deceased, is burning in Hell while being prodded by the devil. This is met with a laugh track! I mean, if this came out today, I can’t imagine the response. Instead, Teen Angel got to look at the lighter side of tragedy. Great. That’s what the people were clamoring for.

Look, there’s a difference between a black comedy and a complete mishandling of a topic. This show is not a black comedy. It’s meant to be a light, family show. Then how about not starting your series with a kid dying? Sure, it’s a ridiculous concept, but it’s still death. Maybe Marty could have just been mentioned as dying a year ago so everybody was somewhat over it. You don’t have to kill him on screen, nor does it make everyone look like pieces of shit. Instead, you start the show two months after a high school kid dies, and everyone makes fun of him or mocks Steve (his best friend) for being sad. I’m not sure if the show’s creators should be jailed for this crime or celebrated as the Kings of not giving a shit. Matt Stone and Trey Parker blushed reading the plot synopsis.

So, the scene in question, and the start of the show, is where Marty dies eating an old burger. It opens with Marty and Steve discovering the burger under Steve messy bed. Marty comments on this, then pulls out the burger and considers eating it. So brains are not one of his traits. After daring Steve to eat the burger, which they realize was from Halloween and it is currently June, Marty dies accepting the double dare. Not even double dog daring back is the first of several inexcusable errors in this scene.

One of the first real issues beyond, you know, death played for laughs, is the survival of the burger. One time, I embarrassingly left Caesar dressing in my backpack for a week. I came home from work without throwing out the dressing, and left on a trip the next morning. When I returned, my room smelled rank. I immediately located the problem and threw out the entire backpack. That wasn’t a great moment for me, but it was also a week. I’d half expect these kids to die of the stench of rotten meat before being able to take a bite. We’re really going to believe that this burger was in any way edible? If you consider what they passed off as jokes, the writers probably thought 6 months was only one day past the burger’s expiration date.

While Marty technically doesn’t outright die on screen, the background fades from a city to clouds. He immediately takes an elevator up to be judged. Throughout, there’s canned laughter. No one in this show is death taking seriously. When Marty returns to earth and asks about his parents, we learn they sued the burger company for $11 million. There’s also no mention of missing their son. This is troubling for multiple reasons. None more than questioning the judge in the case. It’s a burger chains job to inform people not to eat spoiled food? This was a corrupt jury. Then again, based on Marty’s antics as an angel, he might have been such an asshole the parents were relieved he died and cashed in. Yeah that’s dark, but look at the subject matter.

Also, wouldn’t Steve feel incredible guilt? Actually, it’s tough to say, because the next time we see Steve, he’s extremely depressed. Not only has his best friend died, but over the last two months, it’s revealed his parents divorced, he’s gone through puberty, and the family is poor. Jesus Christ. Why not have him get mauled by a bear and lose a limb while we’re at it. When he’s seen depressed, again, the laugh track is heard. Like, seriously? Come on. This isn’t even cringe worthy. It’s actually insensitive. Plus, we have to save our cringing for Angel Marty.

Marty himself is dumb. I mean really dumb. At no point does he show any brains, and I’m not sure him eating the burger was the dumbest thing he did in the episode. Every time he delivered his lines, I wanted to punch him in the face. So despite me questioning how they handled death, I still hated the bastard. Not ideal for the lead.

He’s also a big pervert too, so that’s great. The series opens with the two boys talking about supermodels they thought were hot. When Marty reappears later, he sees Steve’s mom, and mentions how hot she is. Not only is this insensitive, hasn’t he seen her a million times? The only defense is that Steve’s mom looks like she’s three years older than the boys, so it would be understandable if not completely horrific. Does he feel like he can say anything without repercussion now? I suppose so. And boy does he say whatever he wants. Frigging Marty makes a minimum of 45 Angel puns in the first episode. It’s brutal. I found myself siding with that cruel grandmother quickly.

We don’t learn much about Steve, other than he’s suffering a huge depression everyone thinks is hilarious. He didn’t seem to have any other friends than Marty, which is equally as tragic. I suppose they try to say he has confidence issues, but you saw the list of things he’s dealing with, right? The fact he’s not a crying mess or the new Joker shows he’s incredibly strong.

There’s not much else in terms of characters. Marty becomes a guardian angel after meeting with Rod, God’s cousin. As if that wasn’t eye rolling enough, Rod sucks as a character. Every time he seems stern, serious or angry, he immediately breaks with a joke. All his references are either dated or bad, cause I didn’t get any of them. Hopefully when we all meet our maker, he or she has an ounce of charisma.

There’s a few generic kids at school, including a typical bully who threatens Steve for, I don’t know, existing? The real standouts here though are the twins. I’m not sure if they’re supposed to be cool, nerds, or filler, but I have no read on it. They speak three times in the episode, one after the other, in non sequitur. There was no point to the twins, but you could say that about the entire program. I assume they were the director’s sons.

Plot:

So you may have guessed that Marty dies choking on a hamburger. This hamburger was at least 6 months old, spoiling under Steve’s bed. I understand this has been mentioned a dozen times by now, but this remains essential. It’s the most ridiculous plot point of a show since Jaime Lannister decided… You know what, I’m still not ready to go into Game of Thrones. Especially for Burger Show. Let’s just say this is arguably the worst plot point of all time, and it’s the basis for the program.

Marty’s conversation with the completely uninspiring Rod leads to the dead teenager becoming Steve’s guardian angel. He can only enter Heaven by proving he’s good. Now, maybe I’m missing something but isn’t the portion of determining if somebody is good or not, you know, life? So basically, everything we do on Earth doesn’t matter. If the argument is that Marty’s life was too short to fully judge, maybe the burger incident says enough. He’s too stupid to possibly be good.

Fortunately, Marty’s “help” ends up nearly ruining Steve’s life. He tries to help Steve stand up for himself, which only puts him in danger’s way against the Generic TGIF bully character. But that’s nothing compared to the incident in the classroom.

Here might somehow, be the most insensitive moment of the episode. There’s no many choices it’s tough to pick just one. Steve’s teacher mocks Steve for missing the final in June of last year. Now, as we know, Steve has had horrific tragedies inflicted on him nearly daily. It should be obvious for the entire school what he’s been through. Hell, just the death of his friend, IN FRONT OF HIM, is more than enough. Instead, the teacher mocks him for being a slacker and the class agrees. What kind of psychopathic school is this? I’m assuming this teacher believes depression is a choice and wants Steve to sign up for the Church of Scientology. Larry Wilmore couldn’t edit this scene a bit? Really?

Marty tries to help his friend by mocking the teacher. Now, since Marty is an angel, by definition anyway, only Steve can see him. For the first time in the series, somebody actually helps Steve. What a twist. Unfortunately, Steve’s laughter is taken as a taunt. The teacher probably thinks Steve faked his parent’s divorce and decides to give the whole class a test. Every single student, including the incredible awkward teens, now hate Steve. It’s just another great day to be this poor kid.

Marty also calls the teacher a wiener, which I was all for. The only good line of dialogue in 22 minutes.

Steve is pissed and wants Marty out of his life. I don’t blame him, but I would have requested this when Marty was still alive. Because it’s Disney, Marty manages to fix everything. Honestly, I wasn’t 100% how this episode would end with the plot being this depressing. Maybe Steve would lose that limb to a bear after all. I mean, he has four of them. But the way the episodes ends is more insulting than anything else thus far.

The rules of angels being undetectable by most people has been firmly established. You can only interact with your guardian angel if you have one and that’s it. Naturally, Marty goes to the teacher’s house and wakes him up, defying the one rule established. Then, he brings James Monroe to haunt the teacher. Not only did he break the only established rule of the show, he brought James Monroe? What, was Alexander Hamilton going to be too popular 15 years later? Who frigging wrote this? I mean, at least use Washington or Lincoln. But no, if you’re going to shit on your own rules in the pilot, you might as well use a president nobody knows.

How does Marty, who’s been a guardian angel for a day, learn how to summon ghosts? You’d figure you’d need special clearance, putting aside the fact the dead can’t interact with the living. Thank God there’s only 17 episodes of this shit.

Our torture ends with the teacher cancelling the test. Steve though, demands it being distributed since everyone studied. There’s one way to win the student’s over. The teacher immediately caves further, giving everyone an A and dismissing class. Now, everyone loves Steve, including those weird twins. Marty and Steve make up and the show ends. What exactly was the lesson here? Cause I got nothing. I guess I learned to always have a remote in your hand when watching TV so I could shut off Teen Angel if it pops on.

Review:

I can only review this episode by giving info on the scene that aired post credits. Here, Marty speaks with James Monroe, calling him a loser. Then it cuts out. That’s it.

This might have been the worst thing I’ve ever seen. I hope this shows up on Disney Plus, so I create numerous accounts to down vote this. As far as I’m concerns, the creators of this program committed an act of treason by making this. May they be punished accordingly. I recommend being forced to watch the pilot.

Rating: The Wackest of Wack.