Vintage Review – The Angry Beavers
May 4, 2020Do you remember the 90s? Of course you do. If you’re on here, you’re either old enough to remember the full decade, or clueless on 98% of the content. In this new series, created mostly out of boredom and increased free time, Bloggin Hood and friends (but mostly Bloggin Hood) will re-watch classic shows of yesteryear. This could be a cartoon, family show, or game show. I left the tradition “adult” sitcoms and shows out of this. You don’t need me to tell you Seinfeld is funny. However, what you may remember about these shows from your youth is misguided.
Nostalgia blinds us all, like a poor, uneducated 3rd grader who stares at the sun for a few seconds too long. Somebody needs to determine whether these favorites growing up were as good as we remember, or the victim of hot smoldering nostalgia. With each show, I’ll review a specific episode. If I’m familiar with the show, it’ll be a randomly selected one, or one I particularly remember being great. If I’m not that familiar, I’ll watch the first episode to judge it. For shows I know, I’ll touch on the characters, and my recollection of the show. Then I will review, as non-bias as I can, if the show stands. You might think as a 30+ year old adult, I won’t like most of these kids shows. But again, if you think that, you’ve literally skipped every other post. Good work.
Today, we will decide if The Angry Beavers is phat or wack. You try coming up with more updated 90 terms. I dare you.
Concept
Two Beavers, who are very angry, get involved in hijinxs. I mean, I really don’t know how else to describe this one. It’s not the most outlandish concept, and outside of the setting, being beavers quickly becomes an afterthought. I mean, sure, they chew down trees occasionally, but that’s about it. The Angry Beavers did not win awards for creative concepts.
Theme Song
The theme song is calm, with plenty of horns. There are only three words sung for the intro – “Angry Beavers” and at the end, “Beavers”. It’s three total words, not three individual words. I can tell the difference, thank you. Throughout the song, the Beavers fight for the camera, constantly sabotaging each other. Ultimately, the two fight until the very end of the credits. They weren’t kidding – the beavers are angry.
I promise, that’s the last time I use the title for a bad joke… Maybe.
Perception
As a kid, I was a big fan of the show, though didn’t get to see it often. I remember enjoying the show, though two episodes stood out in particular. We talk about that in a moment. I remember the show having a lot of slapstick, screaming, and little plot. It was an easy show that didn’t focus on dialogue. The scripts were probably 6 pages long. Talk about a writer’s dream.
Characters
Norbert – Despite the opening theme and the name of the show, Norbert is typically the calm, knowledgeable one. He’s usually in control of what’s going on, although a good amount of episodes have him lose control and go bananas. His other defining characteristic is speaking is weird accents. He mispronounces a boatload of words and rarely talks naturally. I’m not sure if that’s endearing or aggravating, even after reviewing an episode. And I know all about mispronouncing words. I’m an expert at it.
Daggett – Daggett is the angriest beaver you’ll ever see. Ok, ok, I had one more title reference. I’m spent now, I swear.
He is the epitome of Silky Johnson’s curse – the worst things in life happen to him and only him. According to Cartoon 101 theory, every successful show has a lovable loser. Daggett is that loser in nearly every episode. His scream is one of the best in cartoon history. I’d argue only Goofy has a more memorable one. Unfortunately for Daggett, he screams about 10 times an episode.
Stump – Literally a silent tree stump, his placement as the 3rd most important character on the show is troubling. Stump is the coolest member of the woodland critters who occasionally appear on the show. That’s a significantly bad sign for the remaining characters. But wouldn’t the beavers use him to build a dam? Was he the remnants of a destroyed tree, out for revenge? Add that to the lore.
Barry – Literally Barry White. That’s all he was. I actually assumed his name was Beary until I began writing this entry. The fact that they didn’t try to disguise this was insulting on multiple levels. That said, Barry was fantastic. Also, he was not voice by Barry White. Yes, I did google that to be sure.
Scientists – For some unknown reason, the show had two bumbling, incompetent scientists. One was a talker, somehow more insane than the main cast. They weren’t used much, so it was fine, but I could see them sucking as main characters.
Show Review
For this review, the plan was simple. I would review Up All Night; the best episode of the show and one of the best cartoon episodes of all time. In it, Norbert and Daggett spent their first night on their own, fighting their previously established bedtime. They try to stay up as best they can, but ultimately give in to their fatigue. It’s only then when they realize their clock unplugged, and the pair stayed up for thousands of years. It was such a good episode, the series did a sequel where they tried to sleep this off.
You’ve probably figured out from that summary that I couldn’t find the episode. I was devastated.
Fortunately, the Beavers had a clear #2 episode – Beaver Fever. Trust me, it only sounds horrifically inappropriate. This episode featured the Beavers making a smash hit song, and featured Barry. The Beavers get full of themselves and blow their stardom. It’s fantastic. Plus, the song was kind of catchy, even if the only lyric I remember is “Beaver Fever”.
Naturally this episode was unavailable everywhere too. I don’t understand how 98% of the series can be found with a quick google search, but the best representations of the series no longer exist. And before you say it, trust me, I used every sketchy avenue I had. I wasn’t quite on the dark web, but I visited places that were dimly lit and under a curfew.
I really wanted to see if those episodes held up, but alas, I have to work with what I had. Instead of scraping the beaver program, I went with a randomly selected episode. It has two parts, so I will review both segments. Unlike Are You Afraid of the Dark, this episode was only 30 minutes in total, so I’ll review both halves here.
A Dam Too Far
As a kid, I definitely would have laughed at this pun and repeated the title 1000 times to pretend I was cursing. It’s amazing how I’m not writing in Hollywood right now. In the 90s, you could get away with titles like this. Today, you either get canceled, or your material is so extreme, nobody cares. Look at the Peppa Pig episode – “Peppa Says the F Word” (Season 2, Episode 3). It was so explicit, the censors didn’t stop anything.*1.
This episode revolves around Daggett’s loves of a football team. I did not remember this episode at all, and most cartoon portrayals of sports are rough. Immediately, my expectations dipped. Fortunately, things turn around quickly.
Daggett obsesses with the team because they are, you guessed it, named the Beavers. It’s obvious, but I still like it. We also seems to get some meta commentary on Americans love for football. Am I looking too deep into this? Obviously. But I did like that Daggett’s response to hearing football is just a game is “Football? Only a game? Blasphemer!” Somewhere, Roger Goodell sips on expensive scotch celebrating this scene, while he pretends to have a personality.
Sadly, Daggett’s beloved Beavers suck. The opponents score a TD on every single play, ultimately leading to a halftime score of 1,000 to 0. We find out that the Beavers have lost every game for the last 23 years. And what’s their color scheme you ask? Why, it’s the same color scheme as the New York Football Jets. Are you serious?! Even Nickelodeon recognizes the Jets suckitude. Can’t I escape my teams’ history for an 11 minute cartoon segment? No I can’t. I’m not sure what year this was made, but odds are the Jets were terrible. This could have been when they went 1-15 with Keyshawn. Just give him the damn ball indeed.
Before we get to the 1000-0 halftime score, Daggett wants to yell at the team for breaking his heart. Never have a related to an animated Beaver more. Due to cartoon shenanigans, Daggett ends up on the field, in uniform as the team’s QB. I mean, he couldn’t have been worse then Christian Hackenburg, right?
Immediately, he proves to be a top 3 Jets… err, Beavers QB of all time, sticking a pass right into a receivers helmet. Unfortunately, this goes nowhere. Norbert, clearly a Goddell plant, penalizes Daggett for taking football too seriously. Daggett fights with Norbert, who ultimately gives so many penalties, the opponents score a TD off of it. Norbert is carried off the field by the opponent team. That seems like a conflict of interest. While being carried, Nobert reveals he was the lead ref in the Fail Mary Game, and tells Packers fans to suck it.
Norbert switches roles throughout the next few scenes. First, he plays a coach to try and psych Daggett up, but leads to Daggett being kicked out of the stadium into the Goodyear blimp. After, he calls the game from the play by play booth, and announces the 1,000-0 score. Norbert’s pulling more jobs per episode than Bugs Bunny or Homer Simpson. Good to see there are some jobs out there.
Dejected, Daggett wants to leave. Norbert promises to buy Daggett some “processed treats” and make peace with what happens. However, the other team, probably the Patriots, mock the beavers calling them weasels. Then, for no reason, the players beat the shit out of the main characters during halftime. Norbert, who quit his ref job so he cannot call roughing, gets pissed and wants vengeance.
The second half begins with Daggett chewing down the goal post (A Beaver related activity!), which crashes on the opponents. Daggett recovers, and scores a TD. This is a rare win for Daggett. Unfortunately, he’s not due another until the series finale. Going to be a tough 60+ episodes.
There are a bunch of cartoon hijinxs that follows. I don’t want to give a complete play by play, but a lot of injuries occur. The absolutely highlight throughout is the Beaver’s team band. They play a variety of songs during this sequence, including the show’s theme song on Daggett’s TD. In a rather dark moment, the band plays Taps when it appears everyone will die. They absolutely steal the episode, and the Taps part made me laugh.
The game ends when the Beavers use the injury cart to attack the other team. The Goodyear blimp ends up exploding (don’t ask. It’s better to just accept it), releasing footballs everywhere. Norbert and Daggett recover all on the endzone, spiking them in celebration. The Beavers take the lead and time expires. The fans rush the team and carry off the MVP – the injury cart.
Sadly, Daggett was offside, and lose.
No,. Not really.
This was pretty good. Considering I went into this episode mad I couldn’t find Up All Night, I have no complaints.
Box Top Beavers
I remembered this episode, which makes little sense. Both segments were part of the same 30 minute episode. How did I watch one without the other? I must have had the worst attention span as a kid.
The episode begins with the beavers coming home form the grocery store. The two get lost along the way, but eventually find their dam. The only groceries the Beavers brought was cereal. The Beavers prepared for Sheltering in Place before it was mandatory. Good foresight writers.
While Norbert neatly sorts his boxes, Daggett dumps his on the floor and rips through them for toys. We see the different personalities on display. Norbert eats casually, and clips the box tops from what he’s eaten. Daggett destroys a toy trying to find one. He swims through a box of cereal like a shark where the Jaws theme plays. The music is crushing in this show.
We see the results of the Beaver’s efforts. In our first example, Daggett gets a 1 inch telescope, where Norbert receives a fully functioning, full sized telescope from clipping a single boxtop. Man, I played the cereal game so wrong as a child.
In his second box, Daggett receives a bumblebee magnet. Overjoyed, he begins to fly it around while Flight of the Bumblebee plays. When the magnet fails to work, the song plays off key. This is the best bit in the episode. Look at the Angry Beavers, continuing to use music to its greatest potential.
Our third, and mercifully the final toy example involves robots. Daggett gets a finger puppet robot he chooses to wear on his toe. Norbert, clipping another box top, gets a laser shooting, 4 foot death machine. Daggett is jealous and believes he brought the wrong cereal.
Norbert explains the box top clipping process. He actually explains this to Daggett multiple times in the episode.. Daggett finally listens, and decides on a goal – collecting 1,000 box tops for a personal street sweeper.
I have to pause the review to comment here. Firstly, when were box top toys good? As a kid, collecting the box tops just got you a slightly better toy than the bumble bee magnet. This is the biggest lie of the episode. Close behind is the street sweeper. Who wants to drive one of those clunky disasters? Daggett was the QB of the NY Jets less than 10 minutes ago, and his dream is to clean street corners? What a waste of athletic potential.
To reach his dream of being a city servant, Daggett wants to dump the cereal and clip all the tops immediately. Norbert, stresses patience. He demands Daggett eat the full box before clipping the top. Daggett tries to circumvent this by hiding cereal in the walls and the table. It does not work. Norbert forces Daggett to eat all the cereal. Think of the refined carbs, you monster!
After 6 months, Daggett finishes the task. The time may have been a job, but it feels like 6 months was the writer’s idea of a long time. If we assume 30 days per month, Daggett ate 5.55 boxes per day. Imagine if this was Captain Crunch? Poor Daggett would have a bloody, destroyed mouth. Daggett is roughly 400 pounds in this scene, but the real damage is to his psyche.
Oh, and also his body.
Daggett sends the box tops in, and receives an immediate response – the offer has expired. Daggett goes insane, from a combination of lack of nutrition, several grades of diabetes, and Norbert’s constant preaching of patience. He mails himself and his brother to the cereal company to claim his prize.
The Street Sweeper is in plain view. However, it is about to be destroyed. I don’t like that large, metal objects are scrapped in the same factory as cereal production. Maybe that explains why it always cuts the roof of our mouths. Daggett pursued the machine, suffering countless injuries in the process. This is a rough episode for the beaver, but at least his trademark scream is on display. It’s top notch.
Norbert has an internal crisis on his patience philosophy. While he battles his believes, he manages to stop the street sweeper’s destruction. Just when it looks like we’ll have a happy ending, the machine malfunctions, and both beavers are stuffed into a cereal box.
We end watching a child pour a bowl of cereal and Norbert and Daggett pour out. She complains that she got beavers again. I don’t think this line should have gotten passed the censors.
Norbert and Daggett join a pile of disgarted beavers. Does the FDA review cereal boxes? Or is this like peanut Butter and it’s assumed woodland creatures will be in a certain percentage of boxes?
Norbert concludes he was right about patience but Daggett smacks him with a cereal box to end the episode. Thank you Daggett. My patience was being tested most of this episode. #teamdaggett
This was the weaken episode, but still good.
Review
The show wasn’t as good as I remember. However, it was much better than other shows from the 90s. It’s probably a B, maybe a B+. This wasn’t even their strongest episodes. Perhaps I’m underselling the series, but either way, the decision is easy.
Review: Phat.
