Vintage Review – Classic Ducktales (Horse Scents)
April 10, 2020Do you remember the 90s? Of course you do. If you’re on here, you’re either old enough to remember the full decade, or clueless on 98% of the content. In this new series, created mostly out of boredom and increased free time, Bloggin Hood and friends (but mostly Bloggin Hood) will re-watch classic shows of yesteryear. This could be a cartoon, family show, or game show. I left the tradition “adult” sitcoms and shows out of this. You don’t need me to tell you Seinfeld is funny. However, what you may remember about these shows from your youth is misguided.
Nostalgia blinds us all, like a poor, uneducated 3rd grader who stares at the sun for a few seconds too long. Somebody needs to determine whether these favorites growing up were as good as we remember, or the victim of hot smoldering nostalgia. With each show, I’ll review a specific episode. If I’m familiar with the show, it’ll be a randomly selected one, or one I particularly remember being great. If I’m not that familiar, I’ll watch the first episode to judge it. For shows I know, I’ll touch on the characters, and my recollection of the show. Then I will review, as non-bias as I can, if the show stands. You might think as a 30+ year old adult, I won’t like most of these kids shows. But again, if you think that, you’ve literally skipped every other post. Good work.
Today, we will decide if Classic Ducktales is phat or wack. You try coming up with more updated 90 terms. I dare you.
And yes, I did decide to do this because of Season 3 of Modern Ducktales has started. It’s the right time for a comparison.
Concept
Seriously? I have to discuss the idea behind Ducktales? On this site? Sigh, fine.
Scrooge McDuck is the world’s richest duck, but he never turns down the opportunity to add to his bank account. Joined by his adopted three nephews Huey, Dewey and Louie, the four travel the world on adventures. They occasionally save it, but they always manage to get rich. Scrooge has an impressive rogues gallery, led by the Beagle Boys, Flintheart Glomgold, and Magica deSpell. The order of that villain list is important, keep it in mind.
Theme Song
Not only is this the greatest theme song in TV history, it’s one of 4 or 5 best songs of all time. No, I don’t have a list, but Leave (Get Out) by Jojo and Call me Maybe by Carly Rae Jepsen are on it, obviously. While the new Ducktales theme has grown on me, the old one remains my prefer version. Absolutely classic theme.
Perception
I’m no stranger to classic Ducktales. My recollection was this series leans heavily on Scrooge and everyone else is secondary at best. A classic cartoon for it’s time, but the new series, in theory, blows it out of the water.
Characters
The character designs are more basic than the new Ducktales, but these are also the original interpretation. Scrooge remains the same after 30 years, but Glomgold was once just a bearded Scrooge. The kids are all the same but wear different color shirts. Beakley is a boring, portly housemaid with the personality of a glass of water. I expected this, but it’s still surprising to see. Webby herself is just dressed as a girl duck, only distinguished by wearing a bow. I appreciate this is how many of these characters were introduced to the world, but man, I could have used a little pizzazz.
Personality wise, the characters have a bit more than I remember, but are bland in comparison to the reboot. Webby has more fight in her than I remember. She’s an action girl, at least in this episode, but she doesn’t say anything that’s remotely funny. She cares deeply for M’Lady, the name of the horse we’ll discuss in a little bit, but there wasn’t a lot of personality beyond that. She’s like worse Lisa Simpson here.
Compared to the boys, Webby is Walter White, Tony Soprano and Stringer Bell Combined. The boys are avatars for the audience and offer no uniqueness. If one of the boys acted like this and the others was different, their personalities would be fine. Instead, they help out Scrooge, are a handful to deal with, and that’s it. One particular issue I had was all three abide by the Junior Woodchuck guide as though it was cool. When has anything involving the Boy Scouts been cool? The only thing I can think of is Girl Scout Cookies. Not only is that a different organization, the cookies makes everyone fat and low key encourages stereotypes. No, it’s all wrong.
Beakley frigging sucks. Going from being a combat goddess super spy in the new series to pure housemaid is rough. In this episode she fainted when a horse is stolen. Fainted. F-A-I-N-T-E-D. Not good.
It’s not all negative though. Scrooge himself is better in this series. This is important since the focus is almost always on him. Even this, a Webby episode, has more Scrooge than some Scrooge focused episodes of the new series. Here, he’s much more greedy and full of himself. Honestly, this is what the character originally was. He’s not a bad guy, but he has flaws and money is a very VERY close second priority to his family. The new Scrooge is an adventure addict, which isn’t bad, but classic Scrooge did all his did for the loot. I can see why people wouldn’t enjoy this version of the character more, but I do. And hey, it’s my blog, so suck it.
However, the biggest grievance I have is the downgrade to Flintheart Glomgold. The current best cartoon character, Glomgold might as well be called Flintsuck Glombore in the classic series. He’s still greedy and hates Scrooge, but he’s just evil. There’s no hamminess, no evil schemes. I mean, he even seems more competent, though that isn’t hard. What’s the point? Real talk – I watched a second episode to get the sense of the characters more, and the Beagle Boys were much more entertaining than Glomgold.
The frigging Beagle Boys!
So yeah, the lack of solid Flintheart is crippling to me. Had I not seen the new series, I wouldn’t harp over this, but it detracts heavily. I mean, I think his beard is real here! What a jip.
Plot
Horse Scents is, absolutely, an atrocious name for a TV episode. I cannot defend this in any capacity, and to be honest, scents didn’t actually play a role in the episode. Consider this was about the Kentucky Derby, you’d think they’d have a better title. I mean, Kenducky Derby writes itself. They should retroactively update the title on Disney Plus. I don’t even need that much of a cut. Already, we’re off to a bad start.
The episode is about Scrooge and Flintheart Glomgold entering the Kenducky Derby (I’m rolling with it) with their prize horses. These horses are never referenced or mentioned in any previous episode, yet I’m ok with it. Horse racing is a sport that only the rich and poor get involved in. The rich breed the horses and cash the checks. The poor bet on the horses and take out high interest loans to try and double down on their losing bets. It’s no surprise that these two have a webbed foot in the action. I approve.
I do have an issue with the horse portrayal, and I think this will be an issue with all the Disney shows. There are three horses in the episode, but they’re just regular animals. Sure, they have exaggerated personalities, but they stay in stables, eat hay and don’t speak. Why are they mute but the rest of the cast, duck or otherwise, are humanoid? It just doesn’t make sense. This isn’t as confusing as the classic Goofy Vs Pluto debate, but still, I’m not happy about it. Show some consistency Walt.
In this episode, we meet the world’s worst Hustler, Merryweather. He is trying get people to pay for pictures with his horse M’Lady, as if his name wasn’t bad enough. Webby is seemingly the only character dumb enough to pay for a picture, likely because she doesn’t understand the concept of money. Merryweather cannot pay his oats salesman, Bull, who threatens to repossess the horse. The kids are all angered by this, but isn’t this just capitalism? I mean, if Merryweather can’t feed the horse, shouldn’t somebody else take ownership and protect the animal? Scrooge was absent in this scene, but I feel like him and Bull would be boys.
Merryweather has to be told that horses can run. This is an actual scene involving the horse owner. He then uses this knowledge to enter the frigging Kenducky Derby the day before the race. What a leap in logic. How the hell is this possible?
Oh, that’s because Scrooge is in charge of the derby. No, that’s the explanation. I mean, he has enough money, so why not. Scrooge was hesitant to allow M’Lady to enter, but probably realized the horse was dead money and the fees would add to the purse. Merryweather, take notes – Scrooge is the ultimate hustler. This is further emphasized when M’Lady is outpaced by a snail during training. Not a good sign. They ultimately learn that M’Lady can run when panicked, but this tires her out quick. Music seems to trigger her, so Beakley says they will play Hit ’em Up by 2 Pac and put the fear of God into the horse.
Or take advantage of the starting trumpet. Whatever you want to believe.
There is a subplot where Glomgold’s thugs (weasels, and that’s fitting), steal Scrooge’s horse. It’s embarrassingly easy. However, after 90 seconds, Scrooge’s horse just walks back into Scrooge’s stable with no other words on it. I’m not even sure why this was included in the episode. The only positive here – Scrooge’s horse is named Cash Register. You see Merryweather? That’s how you name an animal.
At the race, Webby is the jockey for M’Lady, likely because she’s the only person to ever pay for a photo. When the race begins, Beakley plays the horn, but it has no effect. Thanks for coming out though. M’Lady barely moves for 5 minutes, but this is the slowest paced Kenducky Derby ever, so she’s still in the running.
The misunderstood Bull returns, stating that since he’s the rightful owner of the horse, he’s in a no lose situation. Either he gets his horse back, or receives his share of the Derby purse, with interest. This accurate statement from a business is taken poorly due to Bull’s resting bitch face. He receives multiple servings of old fashion cartoon violence from the boys, and leaves sadden that nobody wanted to celebrate his victory. This is the true tragedy of the episode, a good small businessman fails due to circumstances beyond his control. In this case, it was getting beat up by children.
This pulls at M’Lady’s heartstrings, and she runs the race of the race feverishly, easily catching up to the pack. It appears she will win, but when the announcer says it’ll be a photo finish, she stops to pose for a picture. This is ironic since yesterday was her first successful photograph. Merryweather continues to suck hard.
The race ends in a tie between Scrooge and Glomgold’s horses. Flinty is pissed, but Scrooge decides to use the opportunity to cash in. He teams up with Merryweather on his photo hustle. Now, M’Lady has people lining up to take photos with her. It is assumed that Scrooge nets 90% of the profits. Somewhere, Bull cries that he missed the marketing opportunity. M’lady also seems to enjoy being exploited. There’s something animal activists can’t be happy about.
In the bonus after credit scene, Merryweather is broke within a week and buys low grade crystal meth from a badger. A bold choice for a cartoon*. 1
Review:
Despite my negative rants, this was a good show. I mean, I’m not going to just right positive things. That’s not fun. Ducktales is dated, but it’s still a fun show when focused on Scrooge. The other episode I watched, but not for review, was better and had more focus on the main characters. The villains seem good too, even if Glomgold is a shell of his 2017 self. I think this show is at it’s best without one off characters. Seriously, Merryweather sucked. He sucked a lot. My review also seemed harsh because I went with a random episode with Glomgold for the comparison as opposed to picking one of the highest rated ones.
Rating -Phat (though I wish Glomgold was fatter). Come on. Do you really think I’m going against a duck show? I mean, that isn’t Quack Pack.
Oh, so now I can’t add in my own scenes to these reviews? Come on. That’s horse shit!
