Hallmark Christmas Movie Script

So, I wrote a Hallmark Christmas Movie Script. That’s a fact. But the real question is why? There’s plenty of reasons why, but none of them are good.

Last year, I wrote a full blog about Hallmark Movies. Then, later in the year, I reviewed one of the most Hallmark Christmas Movies of all time. In fact, it’s the most popular blog I ever wrote, likely to the attractive ghost man. A super fan even wrote a counter to my original post. There was theme music and anything. Hallmark was getting free advertising from me for two months. How about some kickbacks?

I won’t pretend that 2021 has been a big year for old Bloggin Hood. There were massive gaps in posts, some poor efforts, and some ideas I couldn’t pull off. However, I couldn’t leave the readers without something big for 2021. So in addition to the 12 Rants of Blogmas, I wrote a casual, full Hallmark Christmas Movie Script.

The main reason I wrote this is simple – money. Hallmark produces over 40 of these write by number movies a year, and audiences eat it up. Did you know more people will watch a Hallmark movie than eat a vegetable during the holiday season? It’s true.* ¹ I need to get in on that sweet cash cow, and so, here we are. As always, Bloggin Hood is ready and willing to sell out whenever possible. I take traveler checks and most sketchy forms of credit. Hell, betting slips are welcomed.

Now, I have no idea how hard it is to sell a Hallmark Christmas Movie script. But I do know that they produce these things in about 16 hours. In fact, when the schedule gets released in November, half of the movies don’t have titles. That means they can’t have scripts. I could be the savior that Hallmark needs.

Based on the viewership, the Hallmark Christmas Movie fans probably want that attractive ghost man from The Spirt of Christmas instead. That’s just being picky to be picky. Bloggin Hood’s just as good, minus the looks, and the fact that I’m a solid.

The other reason I wrote this script is I always wanted to see how hard it was to write a Hallmark Christmas Script. People often mock the movies. And by people, I mainly mean me. Well, let me tell you – it took me nearly two weeks to write this. That includes outlining, writing, and “editing”. Now, my editing is running spell check and hoping things went well, but that counts. I struggle converting the file to a PDF, which added like an hour of work time. It was a journey of passion, pain, and a bunch of swears when I couldn’t properly save a document. I’m such a professional.

I’m not sure if I’m proud or embarrassed of this script. I think it fits the Hallmark Christmas Movie theme. If you’re looking for a generic, feel-good Christmas time, you should probably watch Peanuts. But this is a close second. Plus, it’s an easy read at only 77 pages, not including the cover. Apparently, Hallmark Scripts range from 84-100 pages, so I gave you a break. My gift to you, my friends.

I expect Lacey Chebert will play Katie. Not only was she in Mean Girls, but she’s in literally every Hallmark Christmas Movie. She’d definitely be assigned to this project. I hope Hallmark provides their most attractive mannequin for this role. Otherwise, everything else is filler. You’ll see some original Bloggin Hood content if you look hard enough. And by look hard enough, I mean reach page 13.

Also, maybe Santa makes an appearance, but you’ll have to read to find out.

Please, let Hallmark know you want fresh new writers in their writing room. Writers like me, who are willing to write the same, tired boring Christmas stories every year. Help me give you Merry Christmases every year, beginning on like October 12th. It’s the Hallmark Way.

Enjoy.

1. *This is definitely not true.