GOT Review: Episode 8 – The Pointy End

Is this episode going to be about violence, or sex? As usual with this series, it’s tough to tell.

Summary – Sansa becomes a glorified prisoner of war while Arya narrowly escapes. Ned is a prisoner and is forced to hang out with Varys. The wall is attacked by their first white walker. Tyrion befriends some tribesman that love making references to feeding penis’ to goats. Dany deals with the Dorthraki’s war tactics. Robb becomes one of the show’s biggest bad asses in a single scene.

Quotes

Shagga: How would you like to die, Tyrion, son of Tywin?

Tyrion: In my own bed, at the age of 80, with a belly full of wine and a girl’s mouth around my cock.

This is a pretty accurate summary of Tyrion’s character. Sure, it’s a vulgar quote, but I mean, so is 98% of Game of Thrones content. Tyrion has the ability to read a scene and say things that tend to keep him alive, whether it be bribery or humor. He’s one of the smartest characters in the show, and he finds ways out of even the direst of situations. Here, it took a laugh to stop the tribesmen from killing him, and then the promise of Lannister rewards for safe passage. It’s not always easy, but better to be alive and a bit poorer than dead.

Robb: My lord father taught me that it was death to bear steel against your liege lord, but doubtless you only meant to cut my meat.

Lord Umber: Your meat, is bloody tough.

This is the scene where Robb gets the respect of the Northern Lords. I think Umber thought Robb would roll over to him. Umber is a large, intimidating man who was threatening Robb. As soon as he unleashes his knife, Grey Wind bites off two of Umber’s fingers. Then the above exchange takes place. Robb mercifully gives Umber a way out of a treason related death, but does so in a manner that was so aggressive you could tell Robb will not be bullied by anyone. Umber laughing, and not being mad at losing fingers, is a bit questionable, sure, but he’s now loyal to the Starks for life.

What Worked:

Opening – I like the chaos created by the opening scene as ti really shows the danger Arya and Sansa are in. The Lannister soldiers are to capture the Stark girls by any means. Arya is in the middle of her training while Sansa is just walking along, minding her own business. Sansa is protected by her handmaiden, but since she’s to wed the king, there’s not much of a chance for her to run. Arya is mid training when the Lannisters come to take her.

Syrio teaches Arya a key value is fighting, follow the eyes and not the words. When Meryl Trent tries to take Arya, both Arya and Syrio see through the lies. Syrio beating multiple armed men with a wooden sword is pretty incredible. It’s technically unclear if Syrio dies since it’s not onscreen, but since we hear a scream and Trent appears in later seasons, I’m going to give this a death. Brutal. Not a lot of luck for the Starks. I’m sure there time is coming soon though.

Varys visiting Ned – I like when we get a glimpse at who Varys might actually be, though there’s a thousand mis-directs. It’s tough to say if we should take anything he utters as gospel. Varys wipes his hands from any wrong doing of Ned’s men being slaughtered. “Do I look like a hero?”

Varys somehow blames Ned for Robert dying, due to him having mercy. I don’t think that’s a factor.

Varys advises that Tyrion has escaped Cat’s grasp, and there’s nothing protecting Ned. When asked who he serves, Varys says “The realm, my Lord, someone must.” He comes off very high and mighty here. He does give Ned some water, and I don’t think he gains anything by giving Ned any information unless it was genuine. I think Varys wants Ned alive. It’s probably for his benefit – at least with Ned, you know where he stands on issues.

Tyrion wits – Tyrion and Bronn get ambushed by several tribal man. Tyrion’s sharp wit saves them as usual, starting with the memorable quote above. When it seems like they’re about to kill Bronn, Tyrion insults their fighting style and brags about how rich the Lannisters. He also promises them he can give him lands, which sticks with Shagga, son of Shagga (and not Shaggy).

Later, when Tyrion brings the men to Tywin and explains the promises he gave them, it does work, to an extent. Tywin promises them gold and weapons for helping in the fight. Tyrion’s quick wit is on display for the majority of the series, and this isn’t the biggest example, but still, anytime somebody makes a cock joke and it hits, it’s going to be a highlight.

Fight against the Walker – It was cool to see that these ice zombies can actually be beaten. I mean, usually zombies have a weakness, but then again, these are ice zombies. Fortunately, they will continue to get more and more powerful as the series continues, much to the dismay of everyone, mostly the Night’s Watch and Wildings.

Props to Ghost for a huge assist in this battle. As usual, without Ghost, Jon would probably be dead. I’d argue Ghost is one of the 5 most useful characters in the series. It might be higher than that. I’d call him and Jon Shaggy and Scooby, but that’s an insult to Shaggy and Ghost. Seriously, Ghost being related to Scrappy would be a shame.

No matter what Jon tried with his sword or knife, it seems to have no effect on the zombie. Finally, he grabs a lantern, by the flame (dumbass) and throws it at him, seemingly killing him. Amazing how that move was both brilliant and idiotic at the same time. Incredible really.

Also in the scene is Jeor, who does little but hold the lantern. Good job there, captain.

Khal Drogo’s fatality-  After Drogo agrees with his wife that they’ve done enough pillaging, Khal Mango (not sure if it’s Mango, but it’s funnier that way. Let’s roll with it) has had enough of hearing from a woman. He demands a fight with Drogo and cuts his chest with a curved blade. Keep this in mind for tomorrow’s write up. Drogo fights him himself, and dominates the fight while taunting the whole time. He legit kills him with a Mortal Kombat fatality and was unarmed the whole fight. Like he ripped out some organ from the guy. I don’t even know what that was in his throat. Either way, it’s not part of his body anymore. Holy Shit that was brutal. Who is stopping this guy?

The answer may surprise you.

Robb getting respect – The meeting with the Northern lords start with Lord Umber throwing shade at Robb, demanding to lead the army. Robb has already chosen Lord Glover. When Umber threatens to take his ma home, Robb calls his bluff, and says he’ll hang him as an oathbreaker if he does. Umber reaches for his knife, and Grey Wind, an underrated series badass, bites Umber’s fingers off. Of note, Theon was ready to defend Robb as well. Robb says it was punishable by death to raise steel at his Lord, by giving him a generous pass(see the quote above). Umber responds with “Your meat is bloody tough” and laughs. Umber is in. He’s also frigging crazy.

In an extremely rare moment of solace with Bran, he looks so frigging confused like I was to the reaction. I’m with you for once, Bran.

In the next scene with Robb and the Northern Lords, Umber is the biggest supporter of Robb. I like this quick transition. Umber might be insane, but this shows he’s not super dumb.

At the discussion of their battle plans, a Lannister spy was discovered. Instead of killing them, Robb lets him go with a message. This leads to another showdown with Umber that he smartly backs off of. Now, the Lannister spy counted 20,000 men and maybe more. I think Robb lets him go because he developed a plan, and this might help create a diversion. It’s pretty brilliant, honestly. I’m loving this depiction of Robb thus far.

Sansa coming too – In the throne room, where Janos Slint was rewarded and Barristan Selmy was stripped on being a Kingsguard, Sansa uses this meeting to ask for mercy for Ned. She pleads that Ned would never commit treason willingly. Ironic that Pycelle stands by Ned being a traitor when he served the Mad King. Sansa asks Joffrey to have mercy. Joffrey says he’s moved, and if he confesses he is the king, there will be mercy for him. That’s probably not happening, but at least Sansa did something for her family. It’s about damn time.

What Didn’t Work

Arya’s first kill – I did not remember this creepy little farm hand trying to kidnap Arya for the crown. In fact, this scene is all a blur, and maybe its only for TV. It ends up marking Arya’s first kill, which was a complete accident. The scene occurs so fast, and I get it’s trying to create the feelings of dread and chaos, but boy is there not a lot of build up there. I was not a fan of this.

Sansa writing the letter to Robb- Sansa is being told the worst things possible about his father. Ironically, the first voice damning him is Varys. Sansa doesn’t grasp the situation, still concerned about marrying Joffrey more than anything. Not a great look from Sansa, even if she’s being manipulated.

Cersei makes Sansa write a letter for Robb to swear loyalty to the Lannisters. Now, I get she has no real choice in the manner, but couldn’t she have put some wording in there for Robb to know this isn’t from her. Of course, Robb assumes this anyway, but I wouldn’t have liked to see her help out a bit more. I mean, she’s still concerned about Joffrey at a time like this. Get your priorities straight… Oh right, she does that later on in the episode. Good on you Sansa.

Also, here’s the first time I’m going to complain about time in GOT. It won’t be the last. The raven from Sansa arrives to Robb by the next scene. That seems unrealistic. Time becomes an issue in the show more in the later season’s, but this shows it wasn’t always perfect, even in its prime seasons. I mean, this is practically a text message.

Lysa withholding info – Lysa held on to the note from Cat from nearly a full day and doesn’t seem concern about Ned’s imprisonment. Cat wants warriors from the Vale, but Lysa will do nothing as she doesn’t want to lose her son. I mean, who would want to lose a teenager who still drinks breast milk straight from the tap. If Lysa doesn’t want to help out her sister, fine, I guess I can’t be TOO mad about that. But come on Lady, at least give your sister the information. It’s pretty important considering it’s about her frigging husband.

How bad is Allister Throne – I like Jeor. Truly, I do, but how hasn’t he removed Throne from command at this point. He’s such an asshole, yet he still gets to keep control over things. It boggles my mind. Thorne enters a scene with the sole purpose of taunting Jon, calling him a bastard traitor because of his father. Naturally, this makes Jon furious, and he goes to attack him, only not killing him from the help of his friends. Naturally, Jeor sees the whole thing and punishes Jon to confinement in his room. If the guy in charge is regularly bringing members of your unit into a murderous rage, maybe he should be doing so much leading, you know?

Dorthraki pillaging – The Dorthraki are pillaging a village. Men are shown carrying women over their shoulder and it sounds like they intend to sell most of the survivors into slavery. These are the good guys, maybe? It’s never clear on this show if we should like anyone.

The part that really hits Dany is that this is all happening to buy the ships needed to get to Westeros. The men say they are doing this to honor her, which frightens her. Imagine seeing an atrocity and finding out its to honor you. I guess that’s how 100% of all deities must feel when they see the awful shit humanity does on a regular basis. If there was a writing god, they would be applauded at how many errors I let get through per post. But anyway, this is one of the scenes that sets Dany as the Breaker of Chains. Though it’s really going to break her heart when the witchy woman, Mirri Maz Duur she saves ends up being a horrible bastard herself.

After Drogo’s injury from Mango’s blade looks somewhat bad – though Drogo calls it a bite from a fly, Mirri Maz Duur says she can heal him. Dany wants to give her a shot at healing him, mostly as a sign to show saving the people was worth it.

She looks like Artemis from Always Sunny, so going forward, that’s her name in the summary.

Removing Barristan Selmy – In the final scene of the episode, Barristan Selmy was removed from the Kingsguard. This is ridiculous for numerous reasons. He was blamed for the death of Robert, but he was just following orders. The plan is to replace him at the head of the Kingsguard with Jaime who famously killed the king he was sworn to protect (I know, I know, he had a reason but still). This also allows Joffrey  to appoint the Hound, who is not a knight, to the honor. Barristan does not want to be forced into retirement and still probably is the best fighter in the kingdom. He gets mocked by the whole council, even after he says he could everyone else in the Kingsguard to ribbons. This should be a problem for the Council and King, but Barristan gets treated so poorly in this series it sadly won’t matter.

Deaths – All of Ned’s men (6 on screen), Syrio, one ice corpse, Khal Mango

Boobs – None, but a naked Hodor

Needless Graphic Sex – Zip