GOT Review: Episode 7 – Win or Die

Imagine if they enforced those rules on the Price is Right? Jesus, think of the carnage people would be watching whenever they were home from school. The line on spaying and neutering of Pets would be the least gruesome part of the show. Those animals get off easy in comparison. 

Summary – Robert Baratheon loses a fight to a Boar. Ned reveals he’s figured out Cersei’s secret and begins the single worst power play of all time. Littlefinger gives us some of his back story while two women have rough, all out sex. Jon and Sam take their Night Watch Vows. A poorly drawn up assassination attempt occurs and Dany survives. 

Quote – When you play the game of thrones you win, or you die. There is no middle ground. – Cersei 

Cersei summarizes the entire Game of Thrones plotline with this one quote. Either you succeed in your power plays and rule, or you die trying. Even if you’re not so much into world ruling the kingdoms thing, you’re still subject to the whims of the kingdom. Ned played this game during the rebellion, going against the Mad King and placing Robert on the Throne. Here, he’s dragged into it again, though only doing what he believes is right. We’re going to talk a lot about his strategy in this write up, but in essence, Cersei is right. She doesn’t factor in how many of the non Lords who get massacred during the game of Thrones, but she’s not wrong.

What Worked –

Jaime and Tywin –  Firstly, Twyin skinning and cleaning a Stag? Come on now, painful symbolism. You didn’t have to be that obvious. I did read that the actor that played Tywin continuously skinned the actual Stag for the shot and must have handled guts like 40 times. That’s dedication to the show.

We get a depth from two characters who in the books we don’t really get to know for a while. This is our first glimpse of Tywin, but we’ve heard a lot about him. He’s imposing, commanding, and dismissive of everything Jaime has done. First, he criticises Jaime for attacking Ned, then for not killing him. He mocks him for caring about what other people think of him and for becoming a glorified bodyguard. Finally, he even mocks him for not having accomplished anything.

I’m going to have several criticisms for Jaime over the next few episodes, but a lot of these Tywin claims are harsh. Jaime attacked Ned because he wanted his brother back, and didn’t kill him because it wasn’t a fair fight. Tywin doesn’t care about honor – which is why he thinks Jaime shouldn’t care about being called Kingslayer. As much as Jaime pretends it doesn’t bother him, it clearly eats away at him, especially when people don’t know the truth behind his action. Tywin’s mocking of the kingsguard – the 7 elite knights or soldiers who protect the king is also perplexing when it’s protecting Tywin’s daughter and grandchildren.

The two men think very differently. Jaime wants honor, glory and deep down, to not be viewed as a villain. Tywin only cares about his house. Jaime becoming a Kingsguard member means he can’t take titles or father children. But to say he hasn’t accomplished anything shows how different the two men are. This might be the best non book edition of Season 1.

King Robert’s Farewell –  In a shocking twist, Robert is decimated by a boar. Can’t imagine foul play being involved.

In a very ironic scene, Robert tells Joffrey he wishes he could show him how to be a man and that he wasn’t meant to be a father. He’s right about the latter, though he fathered about 50 kids outside of the royal family. He never was a father of Joffrey, and admitting this now, when we just found out Joffrey’s not even his kid, is kind of heartbreaking.

Robert doesn’t seem sad in death. He mocks the boar that killed him and wants his funeral to be the biggest feast ever, including serving the boar. He makes sure to tell Ned in detail how he ultimately killed the boar. That’s such a Robert Baratheon comment, pure bravado. He even plans to waste the kingdom’s money even in death.

In another surprise, Robert admits that Ned was right about Dany. Robert says she should live, and that Ned is the only person that can say no. He also wants Joffrey to be better than him. Ned can’t promise that because it was a lie. Robert knows he’s going to die. His last acts on his death bed was some of the best ruling he’s done as a king. How ironic. This is the last time we see the King alive. Kind of sad the man who put an end to the mad king, and a mighty, powerful warrior, gets killed by a boar.

Khal Drogo’s Love for Dany – 

Drogo’s reaction to Dany nearly dying is not what I expected – instead of immediate anger, he checks on Dany to see if she’s ok. He truly has grown to love his wife, and I think the confidence Dany has built throughout the season is why. The Dorthraki respect strength and Dany’shas grown exponentially. Then he rewards Jorah with a fine horse for saving Dany. Ok, that’s not ideal there since he knew way much to not have been involved in the plotting, but you do you Drogo. The Khal also should be worried about Jorah trying to move in on his woman, but I guess nobody is stupid enough to mess with him… right?

Drogo vows that he will cross the sea and take the throne and the Dorthraki are into it to. This is huge as the Dorthraki have never crossed the sea, which they consider a great danger. Drogo is willing to break tradition and all his fears for his Moon and Stars. Did anyone expect this to be the best love story going in the series after the first episode? I’m going to say no.

Then Drogo starts talking about slaving and raping all of Westeros, which is a bit too far, but the riders are into it so that’s not good. I’d be kind of terrified if I was in Westeros.

Sam taking the old gods-  Sam’s line about going to take his vows for the old gods was actually pretty good. The seven never answered his prayers. That’s much better than anything he’s said so far. I also think he wanted to take his vows with Jon, partly because he respects Jon so much and partly so Jon didn’t take his alone. That’s pretty cool of him. Sam redeems himself just enough to be likeable, but then goes full episodes with nothing at all. Here’s a check in the likability box.

Discussion – The Night’s Watch

The essence of the night’s watch is instead of putting every criminal to death, people can choose to take the black, and join the night’s watch, spending a life of servitude in the bitter cold instead of rotting in a dungeon or a grave. Honestly though, would some of these people be better off in a grave? I mean, people are always freezing, there’s a bunch of attacking zombies, wildings, and that asshole Alliser Throne. I mean, I’ll take my beheading, thanks.

The Night’s Watch wasn’t always this way. In the past, pretty of people joined as an honor. Benjen Stark is an example, and many Starks have served on the wall. It’s also not exclusively a criminal institution, as Jon was a volunteer (though trying to escape being a bastard) but for the most part, it’s to avoid a seemingly more gruesome fate.

I get the concept, but maybe having an entire house full of criminals, bastards and unwanted men doesn’t make for the best army. Maybe each prominent family should give a few soldiers as opposed to making the Night’s watch, an important job even without ice zombies, a glorified better choice than straight up death. It seems everyone is concerned about Wildings, even if some are condescending, so I don’t see why this wouldn’t be the case? Alas, there’s no wonder why they struggle so much with the cast of fighters they deal with.

What Didn’t Work

Ned’s Master Plan-  Ned, I think your great, but holy shit was your political game a disaster in this episode. You weren’t kidding when you said you belong in Winterfell. Jesus did he make some horrific decisions.

First, Ned confronts Cersei about his findings on the Baratheon lineage. Now, I don’t want to make an argument for recessive genes, but let’s just say there’s a chance blonde Baratheons, when mixed with Lannister genes, was possible. Nevertheless, Ned was correct, so either way, it worked out. Ned tells Cercei that he knows the truth about Cercei and Jaime. Ned also figures out why Bran was thrown through the tower as well. Unfortunately, he doesn’t give her a hi five for the act.

Ned tells Cercei to flee and hide the children. Cercei pretty much laughs at him, saying that he should have taking the iron throne for himself. Ned pretty much signed his death warrant here, all because of honor. He also probably got Robert killed here too.

Next, at Robert’s death bed, Cersei fears Ned will tell Robert the truth, but he wouldn’t do that on Robert’s death bed. It wouldn’t be proper. I feel most of the characters would have, and gotten a written notice at who the next king will be. Still, I side with Ned on this one.

Robert commands Ned to be the Lord Regent until Joffrey can come of age. Ned, noting the words writes the “rightful heir” instead of Joffrey, a clear loophole. Robert signs without reading. That’s not surprising. This is probably the worst case for Ned, who wants nothing more than to return home. This was semi crafty, and kind of against Ned’s honor, but not naming Stannis (I suppose) outright is the issue. Rightful Heir can still be taken as Joffrey until there’s proof.

Next up, Renly wants to make sure the kingdom stays in the hands of a proper ruler – himself. Ned would want to name Stannis the king, as he’s next in line, but Renly knows Stannis would be a bad king. Renly likely would have been the best choice, but Ned won’t waver. He also will not allow any fighting to go on while Bobby B is still alive. He could have kept the throne in Baratheon hands, probably by someone more likeable than Stannis ever could be, but following the succession rules was more important.

By the way Ned, how did Robert become king? Succession, or through a giant multi year war? Huh, interesting.

Ned decides instead to send a raven to Stannis advises of his finding. That is the only person who gets the letter. Ok, fine, I guess. But then, Ned tells, Frigging Littlefinger his findings. Why the Hell would you tell that guy? Littlefinger councils making peace with the Lannisters instead, and plant their flag for power. Ned would rule and Littlefinger would give council, because of course. Ned refuses, but instead asked Littlefinger to give him the city watch to help fight against Cersei. You know, the guy who has the hots for Ned’s wife. That’s like providing robbers with your credit card numbers, pins and mother’s maiden names. Can’t see how this one turns out wrong.

I mean, for all the good stuff people write and think on Ned Stark, this might have been the dumbest showing by any character in season 1. Jesus Christ was every decision he made the wrong one.

Little fingers sex speech –  This excuse for having naked girls in the scene does give a bit of Littlefinger’s character. His whole speech on making the customers believe their performances falls right in line with how he acts around all the other characters. He wants people to trust him, even though everybody knows he’s full of shit. Except for Ned. Ned’s going to be paying for that lapse of judgment in about 5 paragraphs,

Littlefinger also admits he’s saving himself for one women, Cat, though he won’t name her. He even mentioned that she’s not very good looking. Talk about shade. Maybe this is when he decided he’d creep on Sansa instead.

Now, the speech is fine, but Littlefinger does this during a 5 minute lesbian sex scene taking place. It’s not exactly subtly in the background – in many ways it’s the main focus of the scene. I mean, HBO basically wants families watching this show to feel as uncomfortable as possible. He tells his story about Cat and casually says things like “Play with her ass” to the girls as direction. It’s a bizarre scene to say the least. I don’t think we can take anything Littlefinger says at face value – he’s always playing some sort of game, but maybe this was at least mostly true and is why Roz ends up killed by Joffrey later on. He told her too much.

Theon with women, again –  Theon is so full of himself, it’s pretty obvious that the only way we’d ever sympathize with him is by losing his junk. I really forgot how annoying and self serving he was early on. He continues to prey on any woman he sees as though he ha a bunch of power. Come on Theon, everyone knows you suck. Those Reek episodes might not bother me as much this go around.

Benjen Stark –  In a surprising twist, a terrible tragedy has occurred to a Stark. Benjen did not return on his horse and is presumed to be dead. Does anything good happen to this family, or is this exactly what we should be expecting?

*Reviews death list*

Ah yes, I see.

Varys murder plot –  Varys attempts to kill Dany by having her drink poisoned wine. I mean, so many things had to go right for this to work, even with Jorah in on it. I mean, who’s to say they would stop at that wine store? And what if Dany didn’t want any wine and instead gave it to somebody else?

Varys, that’s your best murder plan? Frigging really? In retrospect, this was pathetic. And an episode as good as this one, it’s the stain that prevents it from being a 10/10. Naturally, it’s a Dornish Red stain. Hey, it’s better than any white stains from the Littlefinger’s brothel scene.

Nobody accusing Jorah-  So while walking away from Dany and the group he’s with, one of Varys’ birds hands him a full pardon for following through with the murder. Jorah decides he thinks Dany is hot and rejects the pardon. Instead he slowly reveals the murder plot by being one step ahead of wine seller. Somehow he is never expected, and instead receives praise for his craftiness. It’s truly a great moment of character idiocy. I’d also add everyone turned on this winer really quickly. Like, he was totally cool until he was obviously a bastard poisoner. Like Dany gets super pissed at him after one line from Jorah. That was quick.

Also, Jorah sure is knowledgable about what Robert Baretheon would do when they discuss what happened back at their camp. That’s oddly specific there. Maybe put two and two together Dany. Ah well, you will in a few seasons.

The End of Ned’s Political Career – So, Bobby B is dead. Renly also fled with Loras and a bunch of soliders, so that’s not good.

Ned is summoned to Cersei and Joffrey, but Littlefinger promises Ned it’ll be ok, because he has the city watch. Popular asshole Janos Slint is the first to speak for the city’s watch. That’s a bad sign Ned.

Ned believes this is his power play. He’ll remove Cersei and Joffrey, and then place Stannis on the throne. He hands Barristan the last words of Robert, naming him the Protector of the Realm.

Then, Cersei rips up the words and everything goes to shit. Cersei asks Ned to bend the knee and go home, and when he doesn’t, that ends this power play. Joffrey plans to kill Eddard and then to no ones surprise, the City Watch backstabs Ned, led by Littlefinger, who reminds him never to be trusted.

God damn it Ned. You didn’t see any of this coming? They even gave you an out, like a word document asking are you sure you don’t want to save. Gah this was frustrating.

Character: King Robert Baratheon

King Robert seems like the type of guy who’s you’d love to have at a party – he’d drink a ton, play any game imaginable, hit on everything that didn’t have a penis (and I mean everything) and have your back if someone starting problems. But you wouldn’t want to deal with him the next day. He would be hung over and probably have slept with your sister. He wouldn’t understand why you were mad and then curse you out.

But you’d know he’d show up for the next party.

Robert was the perfect solider in his prime – strong, fearless, and lusting for battle. However, he was never fit to be a king. He wanted to be involved in as many fights as possible. He enjoyed drinking far too much. And my God, the womanizing was out of control. We never get to see Robert in his prime,but I imagine being a king did weigh on him. We still get his jokes with Ned, but he’s so quick to anger. That typically comes from being bitterly unhappy.

Lyanna is the obvious reason for why he’s miserable, but he didn’t even know Lyanna. From what we know, Lyanna didn’t think much of Robert and ran away with another man. In scenes added for the show, Robert talks about the hole in his heart that couldn’t be filled when Lyanna died, but that was always just the idea of Lyanna. May be he just wanted love he never seemed to receive. That is sad, but it doesn’t justify his actions.

I honestly don’t think Bobby B was a super deep character, but he did have layers, and if a man like Ned would go to bat for him, there was good in the man. However, we didn’t get to see any of it. By the time we got the king, there was nothing left but an angry, bitter drunk who longed for his youth. 

Death – 1 King, 1 wine salesman (Or he’ll survive till the next episode), whatever men Ned had left

Boobs – 2, and for a while.

Needlessly Graphic Sex – 1 very over performed sex scene from Roz, who gets criticize by Littlefinger for overacting. No seriously.