GOT Review: Episode 24 – And Now His Watch Has Ended

Summary – Jaime needs a helping hand, the Hound fights for his life, Cersei has a bad day, Joffrey is a scary little boy, Sansa gets hope for about three seconds, Varys is all over the place in this episode, Theon makes a personal 360, Jeor comes down with a severe case of death, Jon misses the casting call for the episode, Dany makes a purchase, Bloggin Hood returns for 2019.

Quotes:

Dany: “Unsullied! Slay the masters, slay the soldiers, slay every man who holds a whip, but harm no child. Strike the chains off every slave you see!”

In what becomes a defining moment for the character, Dany transforms from interesting leader who many cross their fingers will pop up naked, to one who will try and free all slaves. I don’t think the naked wishes will go away though.

Part of Dany’s anti slaver mentality is that she lived such a crappy life for so long, she hates to see people suffer the same way she did. Another reason is that she’s not a shitty person. It’s kind of funny that Jorah, former slaver himself, is in her inner circle when she does this.

If you took all of Dany’s best scenes and make a highlight video, and I’m sure like 8,000 people already have, there’s nobody in the series with her amount of scene stealing material. It’s all those other scenes, you know, the plot, that really drag her down. Dany is Game of Thrones’ irrational confidence character – when she’s good, nobody looks better. But when she’s bad, oh man is she tough to watch. Enjoy season 5 everyone!

What works:

Jaime’s Stand – Looking completely defeated, Jaime deals with cruel taunts from Locke about himself, his relations with his sister and butt stuff. Jaime is so weak, he falls off his horse into the mud, receiving no help from his captors. Jaime begs for water and they dump some on his head his head. Locke ultimately gives Jaime “water”, but reveals its horse pee after Jaime starts chugging it.

Are these men that stupid? They do realize Tywin does not accept slights to the Lannister clan very well, don’t they? These men are deader than Ned Stark.

Too soon?

In a surprising move, Jaime takes things into his own hands… err, hand. He disarms one of his captors, takes his sword, and tries to fight off about 8 men. He holds his hold with his weak left hand before getting continuously cheap shotted by the Gentlemen from the North. This is actually Jaime’s best showing as a knight in the series thus far, which is incredibly sad. We’re beginning to like Jaime, but we certainly hate Locke. This is the second worse Locke in TV history though as smoke monster Locke sucked a hell of a lot more.

If you’re complaining on a Lost Spoiler, you’re welcome. I saved you a hell of a lot of grieve watching season 6. You want a mystery solved? Read a Hardy Boys book instead.

Brienne’s Kindness – At a campfire, Jaime refuses to eat, feeling as though he’s dying. He also says he doesn’t care about revenge. He tells Brienne his hand was his life and now he has nothing. Well, except for his severed hand, which he wears around his neck. I mean, it’s not by choice – his captors did it, but still, it’s right there, friend.

Also, Davos should sue for copyright infringement.

Brienne calls him a coward and a quitter for giving up after one hardship. She’s really harsh to him, which seems to be what Jaime needed. He decides to eat, though he still doesn’t exactly look good.

Brienne also mentions he knows what Jaime did for her, lying to save her from being raped. She doesn’t understand why he did it. Jaime has no answer, and perhaps he doesn’t know why, but we do. Deep down, he’s a noble person  It’s just hard for him to show that side.

Jeor’s Dark Humor – This is a really weird choice, but in an episode where a lot, and I mean a LOT happened, this small moment made me smile at least.

At Craster’s, Jeor gives a eulogy as one of the Night Watch members died. He certainly isn’t the only one to drop recently, but this was on Craster’s ground. As he burns the body, Jeor has to keep asking Sam for info as he seems to know nothing about the deceased. I don’t know if it’s due to his hunger, the amount of deaths, or dealing with Craster, but the entire eulogy, coming from a proud leader like Jeor, is atrocious. It also it stated that the dead passed away due to a broken foot – seemingly a ridiculous concept. The viewers, and the Night’s Watch, know it was from a lack of food. It’s honeslty an out of place scene and probably not meant for laughs, but, I thought it was funny. Start your own review series if you disagree.

Theon has emotions – This whole scene is weird. The “Savior” takes Theon toward the sea and explained that he risked his life for Theon, since he knows he was taken as a baby and sent to Winterfell. He also heavily implies that Balon knew Theon was being tortured but didn’t care. Why would this random person know these things? I mean, shouldn’t Theon start asking questions? I guess his mind isn’t in the right place about bouts of torture. Even as they arrive at the fortress Yara supposedly holds, the men have to sneak in because some there are “loyal to Balon”. Really? That’s the best excuse we have?

What we get that’s good here is Theon being open and honest. He says he could never be a Stark, and feels jealous of Robb, who was destined for greatness due to his birth (and not being terrible. Don’t forget that). Theon said his destiny was to be an Ironborn and he’s been punished for taking Winterfell. He also admits the Stark boys are alive, and Dagget murdered random children under Theon’s order to continue to hold Winterfell. Theon goes as far as to say his real father was beheaded at King’s landing and that he should have been a Stark. Wow, that’s actually pretty deep.

We get a teary eyed, guilty Theon, and I think this builds on his good Season 2 close. It’s not something I expected to see. Good Theon is also not something we’ll see again.

Pod Gets more props – Again, kind of a throw away moment, but when Varys meets with Ros about Littlefinger, we get another compliment to Pod’s, err, prowess in the bedroom. Varys is taken aback, truly a difficult feat, and gets no additional information from Ros about what he did. This becomes a running gag for the fanbase. It’s ultimately pointless, but I thought it was another funny scene in a very heavy episode.

Cersei’s Jealousy – As Joffrey runs around with Margarey discussing his favorite history deaths (seriously), Cersei talks with Olenna, and is pretty quickly outmatched. Cersei and Olenna banter about the future wedding. They bring up Robert, and Cersei slyly says that drinking and hunting don’t mix. Olenna counters with a completely undeserved shot at Mace, saying he’s never participating in a true battle. She then calls Robert a true warrior, but men dying on a battlefield never made sense to her. She ends her point by saying that men have little sense. That’s often true. How many bad jokes have I made in this post alone? 20? 30?

While Cersei completely overlooks the threat Olenna presents, she is fixated on Margarey, who wants to open the doors of King’s Landing and greet the common folk. When the doors open, Cersei is terrified, but the king and future queen are greeted with cheers. I mean, they cheer Joffrey, who they tried to murder the last time they encountered the king. Margarey has a spell on the crowds which scares Cersei. She should be worried and Margarey has Joffrey wrapped around her finger now.

Cersei vs Tywin- Mirroring a scene with Tyrion earlier in the season, Cersei waits for Tywin to acknowledge her. Cersei wants to ensure everything is being done to get Jaime back. Tywin is annoyed to even being bothered with the question. He states that if he started a war for Tyrion, she can rest assured he’s doing whatever he can.

Switching gears, Cersei says she should be trusted with her father’s confidence and is the one who can contribute to the Lannister legacy. Tywin humors her and listens. Cersei says she doesn’t trust the Tyrells and believe Margarey is manipulating Joffrey. Tywin then completely crushes her, saying that the Tyrell’s saved the Lannister’s rule AND that Cersei let Joffrey run wild. He actually thinks Margarey’s manipulation, if true, is a good thing. He ends the convo by saying he doesn’t trust Cersei because she’s not as smart as she thinks she is. Clearly pissed, Cersei tells Tywin to try and stop Joffrey from doing what he likes. Tywin merely responses with ‘ I will”.

Brutal, brutal venom here from Tywin, who doesn’t break a sweat. Tywin is a huge dick, but somehow, he spreads his ruthlessness to every single character in the show, minus Arya oddly enough. What a great casting job.

 

Power plays – After insulting the help, Olenna is visiting by Varys for a polite conversation. Olenna takes Varys’ flattery by mocking him for trying to bang corpses without a penis. This is bringing a rocket launcher to a boxing match and I love it.

Varys asks why she has taken an interest in Sansa. Olenna kind of denies it and Varys begins to walk away, saying he hoped they had a mutual interest in saving her. Later, after Varys’ fake walkout is stopped, they discuss Ned, and say they both admire him. Olenna correctly points out none of his numerous admirers helped step forward when he was killed, a veiled shot at the eunuch himself. Varys says that other people have taken an interest in Sansa, AKA Littlefinger, who will take her away from the capital. It would make sense for him to marry Sansa and have a powerful wife and house. He called Littlefinger one of the dangerous men in the Westeros. Varys admits he enjoys Littlefinger, but states he would rule over ashes, which is true. Olenna knows what Varys is proposing – a marriage. Based on our next paragraph, it seems like Olenna takes the bait.

While Sansa prays, Margarey interrupts her and dismisses the guards. Margarey asks what Sansa has prayed for and makes a few jokes to make Sansa grow to her side. She’s so good at the game, she even seduces women.

Forget I said that. I don’t want to think of the comments. They’re already spam filled at it is.

Margarey tells Sansa she must see High Garden. Sansa doesn’t think she could leave, but Margarey reminds her that she’ll be queen soon. She also slips in that if Sansa marries Loras, her place will be at Highgarden. Sansa damn near cries. It was too good to be true.

Boy, it is too good to be true. But, it’s a reasonable set up, and makes many of the major players make plays for their own interests. I won’t lie, I like it.

Showdown in the Caves – Arya becomes a set piece as her storyline is now pretty much the Hound vs the Brotherhood. While I love me some Arya, this is a good thing, for now.

Tied up, the Hound mocks the group for believing themselves a soldiers. Then, the mysterious Beric Dondarrion enters, saying “War makes Soldiers.” Beric himself is a recasted character who looks much better than before, worn out, missing an eye and looking like a true solider.  Hey, I mean, it’s his second life, or 7^th, so it’s fair to recast in this one instance. His watch has ended and all.

The Hound says all the men ran from war, which is ironic because he ran pretty dramatically himself. Beric calls him out for that very thing. Beric says he was ordered to kill the Mountain and the Hound says they are serving ghosts. The Brotherhood seek to kill those who prey on the weak. Beric and the rest say they found god – the Red god specifically. The Hound is blamed for crimes that he never committed – murdering children, babies, Targaryen heirs, ect. The Hound says he did none of these, and refuses to take blame for them, which is actually fair.

However, Arya remembers she was part of the story and cites the death of the butcher boy in episode 2. Everyone remembers that scene, right? Right? Let’s say you do, sure.  The Hound says it wasn’t his place to question a prince. Beric takes this as an injustice, but cannot pass the sentence. Instead he leaves it to God – Trial by combat.  Woof. Here we go again.

The Hound confidently awaits his challenger, taunting the Brotherhood until Beric himself takes the challenge. This should be quite a battle. Really wish I could have watched another episode over the past three and a half weeks. Give an honorary “what didn’t work” to busy work seasons.

Fire and Blood… But mostly Fire – Returning to the slave master, Dany is ready to make her purchase. The Owner recommends letting the Unsullied fight in random battles to get blood on the soldiers’ spears. I mean, this guy is the lowest of lows, and we have had plenty of Joffrey scenes.

Dany reveals the dragon as the crowd is in awe.  Dany gives the Slave master a chained Drogon and asks if the trade is complete. He says “she holds the whip.” As Jorah looks pained in response, Dany looks at her army, speaking in the same language the Slave Master did. This is one of the best reveals in the  episode. After all the insults the asshole threw around at her, it turns out she knew exactly what she was saying. She then orders the unsullied to destroy all of the masters, and to say it is one-sided is an insult to one-sided battles. There’s not a single master left. Drogon personally burns the head slaver alive, and then there’s a giant explosion that Dany looks away from. The coolest characters never look at explosions.

Dany gives all the Unsullied the opportunity to leave without any harm, but none budge. Instead, they all slam their weapons in unison. I mean, would you really want to leave Dany after that display? For all the troubles she’ll have as a ruler, nobody in the series gets half of the awesome moments that she does. I’m not sure this is her #1 moment, but it’s super close.

I won’t ask what everyone’s favorite moment is because the vast majority of Bloggin Hood fans would pick nudity scenes from the first season. The fans aren’t great people.

Character discussion:

Jeor Mormont – Personally, I think the man deserved better. In a show filled with incompetent leaders, pretender kings, and far to noble Northerners (I mean, there’s not many), Jeor stood out to me as a legit good leader. Look at all the trouble Robb has been having this season. He has people working against him at every turn. I guess you can argue Jeor had that too, but I don’t think a lot of it was his fault. He always came off as strong, and the image of him opening this season burning an ice zombie is chilling.

Think about what Mormont had to work with – a bunch of cast aways with no fighting background. He wasn’t getting the pick of the litter. Even the people in high positions, like Thorne, are pretty awful compatriots. That’s probably why he liked Jon so much – he could fight and didn’t actively root against his fellow brothers. What a concept. When you think about how little he was given, it’s a borderline miracle he made it as far as he did.

The major blemish on his resume is looking the other way at Craster sacrificing babies to the Walkers. Yeah, that’s not good. But again, look at what’s around him to compare? I mean, that might be a good deed in Joffrey’s resume. I personally would have liked to see more of Jeor, or at least an honorable defeat at the hands of Mance or the Night King. Instead, he got wiped out by the awful people in his own unit. That’s the tragedy of it all. Fortunately, this will be the last surprising betrayal of the…

Oh I’m sorry, I nearly choked to death on my own lies. Let’s move on.

What doesn’t work:

 

Varys’ dick jokes – Meeting with Varys for a private meeting, Tyrion wants to discuss the Blackwater battle, mainly who ordered the Kingsguard member to try to assassinate Tyrion. Varys doesn’t have proof that Cersei tried to kill Tyrion. Instead to ease the Lannister’s mind, Varys tells a lovely tell on how his lost his cock. This is not the type of story I would have wanted to hear from Varys.

Varys was paralyzed by a potion, where he felt everything happen when he was maimed, including seeing his privates burnt in a flame. Varys says the incident still haunts him, which I mean, duh, but beyond just the act. Varys claims the most chilling part was a voice he heard from the flame. Varys hates magic because of it, and it makes sense as to why he hates Melisandra later on in the series. It seems like the man who cut Varys was a Red Priest as well. Wonder if that will be bearing or our story’s ending. I know who doesn’t know… George RR Martin.

Tyrion still wants revenge on who tried to kill him. Varys advises to have patience on vengeance. He explains after the incident, he stole to survive, and did awful things to rise from the slums of the free city to a position of power in Westeros. He doesn’t explain what he did other than steal, but we have to imagine it’s not pretty. It’s never pretty in this show.

Varys isn’t a man who shies away from gruesome things. This is further shown when Varys reveals a box, which contains a suffering man, the very man who cut him. I don’t know how he keeps him alive, but Tyrion is terrified. As he should be.

Now I get the point of this scene. The lesson here is don’t mess with Varys. Like at all. But was the proper response to “Who was my assassin” actually “Let me tell you about how I became a eunuch”? I’m going with no. It’s not a bad scene by any means – anything with these two actors together is gold, but from where the plot was, I don’t think it fit. This should have been moved to an entirely different episode.

The Night’s Watch Revolt – Gren and Ed complain that most of the Night’s Watch tenure has been shoveling dung. It’s either that on dying. I mean, let’s face it, it’s not a glamorous life. In fact, I’d argue that shoveling dung is about as good as it gets. I mean, it beats being stabbed. Was that a bad word choice giving the situation?

Raft wants to get out of Craster’s keep and blame Jeor for having them nearly killed and now trapped at Crasters. Gren and Edd dismiss this and any negative talk about their commander. Raft says to live, they need to look out for themselves and continues to show desertion tendencies by hating Craster and cursing the treatment they are getting. It’s becoming an issue. I mean, not hating Craster. He’s like the worst person on the show, which is quite an accomplishment. I’d give him an award, but he won’t be able to accept it.

Later, Craster and Jeor talk. He says that Mormont has one son but Craster has 99, and countless daughters. I mean, this isn’t even a weird flex. Craster straight up brags about his incestuous cycle. He asks why Jeor won’t kill the weak men of the watch, which is the beginning of the end. One of the Night’s watch asks who’s going to cut his throat. Craster and this unnamed member grow more and more aggressive. Jeor tries to put a stop to it, but Raft calls Craster a bastard, making the old man grab his axe. Craster kicks everyone else, but nobody moves. Jeor forces Raft out, but one of the men calls him a daughter screwing bastard and kills Craster.

Jeor is furious and calls the killer a cursed man. Then, Raft stabs Jeor from behind. A full-on battle between the Night’s Watch factions break out. As Jeor tries to kill Raft, he starts to fall from his wounds. Raft then gets up and repeatedly stabs Jeor.

You know what really makes me mad at this scene? Of all the people to kill Jeor, it wasn’t an ice dragon, a major character, heck, even the Ice King to build him up. But Raft? Come on. Raft’s rival is Sam, a man who couldn’t fight his way out of a wet paper bag. Heck, he would likely lose a fight against a wet paper bag. It’s just such a buzz kill.

Bran’s pointless scene – It was sure nice not having one Bran scene last episode, wasn’t it? Fortunately, this episode just feels like we didn’t have a Bran scene. Don’t worry, it’s there. You just need to squint to find it, likely out of blinding rage.

Bran, with working legs again, runs in a forest. Joren is with him. Joren advises him to climb a tree to catch the raven. Then, Cat appears, and makes Bran promise not to climb before throwing him off the tree. Finally, she seems to push him off the tree and then he wakes up. And that’s it.

Like, honestly, I’d rather have 2 minutes of commercials added to the middle of this episode than see more Bran. Truly, fictions’ s worst character.

Joffrey’s Murder fetish – Bran will never drop his worst character alive title, but boy has Joffrey tried giving him a run at it. In this episode, Joffrey excitedly tells Margarey all about the most famous Targaryen deaths and murders. Hooray? I mean, he tries to impress Margarey by showing off a Targaryen graveyard. Is this like when you have a crush at age 7 and throw dirt as your crush, kicked up a few notches?

To her credit, Margarey pretends to be ok with this, saying it’s like a history lesson. God is she a politician. And hot, but that’s irrelevant. Why do you keep bringing up her looks, reader? Stay focused.

Margarey says it’s good that the remains of the Targaryens exists as their ancestors built so much of the castle. Joffrey clearly was going to disagree, but because Margarey said it, he agrees immediately. She has him wrapped around her finger. And yes, that’s certainly important, but not enough to stop the creepy factor of being overjoyed to show gravestones. Get it together Joffrey – you have a kingdom to rule.

Pointless Plot Twist – After Theon’s moving scene where he reveals a lot of info and emotion, his savior opens a gate and says Yara is at the top. Then, the savior reveals he brought him back to the torture spot. They made a big loop. The savior has a crazed look in his eyes and the torture continues. That was convoluted and pointless. Great. At least we got some character development, but that won’t last for much. In fact, there’s going to be a lot less of Theon soon enough.

Oh man, that works on several levels. That was a good line. Let me self congratulate myself as we get to the tallies.

Death – Craster, Jeor, Asshole Slaver, Sub Asshole Slavers, and every non Unsullied solider.

Boobs – 0

Needlessly Graphic Sex – 0