GOT Review: Episode 2 – The Kingsroad

Summary – Ned leaves for King’s landing with Sansa, Arya and my main man Bobby B. Jon travels to the wall with Tyrion, where his perception of the Night’s Watch slowly changes. Dany is only used for male fantasies and graphic sex scenes. Tyrion and Arya make Joffrey their bitch, though he gets the last word by squealing and forcing Ned to put down a direwolf. Also, a noble hero tries to murder series villain Bran, but sadly fails.

Quotes

Since I didn’t have a discussion topic nor a character to highlight yet, I decided to give two quotes that focused on foreshadowing, one of my favorite things to look for in re-watches. Hey, if it was good enough for all the snooty English teachers I’ve had over the years, it’s good enough for me.

“But even if the boy lives he would be a cripple, a grotesque. Give me a good, clean death any day.” – Jaime Lannister

Wow. I mean, this one is poetic. Jaime is disgusted at the idea of living out his life as a cripple, and he’s only a few short seasons away from being a lefty… out of necessity. I also don’t know if this was Jaime’s way of saying he wished the kid died, but it might have as dead men tell no tales (Davos would appreciate that). Season one is full of these little blurbs that give a lot of insight on the future. However, without having future knowledge, there would be no way to tell what’s regular dialogue and whats a glimpse into the future. A lot of people believe that Jaime becoming maimed changed him, but that’s not true. We only get to see one sign of him early on– douche. Get used to that for at least a few more episodes.

“There’s great honor in serving the Night’s Watch. The Starks have manned the Wall for thousands of years, and you are a Stark. You may not have my name, but you have my blood.” – Ned Stark

I chose this one because the word choice for the last sentence here is carefully crafty. Jon does have Ned’s blood, but it’s not directly from Ned. And he doesn’t have Ned’s last name, but it’s not because he’s a Stark bastard. All of what Ned says is true, but it also keeps his cover and promise to his sister. I feel like Martin had to write this line like 70 times to get it right. If it was me, I would have wrote Targaryen like 15 times and probably left it in due to horrific editing skills.

Look, if I was a good editor I’d probably write more. You’re getting a bunch of free content so I don’t want to hear it.

What Worked:

Tyrion Slapping Joffrey – Talk about what five fingers said to the face. Oh man, I could watch this all day. In fact…

BOOM!

It’s been so long since I’ve seen Joffrey that I forgot how unlikeable he truly is. Boy does this show have a lot of crappy characters. Joffrey’s first real interaction, other than his douche face in the first episode is taunting his uncle and feeling nothing for Bran. Well, I can’t fault him for the latter. In this season, Joffrey kept flipping from seeming like an irredeemable little shit to semi spoiled kid, to fake polite ruler. This is who is really is and it’s firmly established when determining the fate of an unnamed Winterfell Lord.

I guess that made have given it away.

I love that they have Tyrion try to smack some respect into him. He doesn’t take Joffrey’s shit and walks with a swagger after it. This does ultimately backfire on him as Joffrey will try and torment his uncle when he gets into power, but it shows Tyrion’s not one to be messed with.

Cersei and Catelyn’s Convo – Honestly, I forget if this scene was in the book, but the miscarriage is such a crucial point of this series that only gets discussed twice. The one legit child Robert and Cersei could have had dies, and Robert is never the same. I don’t think it was a marriage that would have been healthy, but man, did it shape history. Maybe a true heir to the throne would have changed Cersei’s outlook, but as we learn more of Robert and Cersei’s relationship, I’m guessing not.

Rarely do we get to see two characters in roles outside of war or power. Here, two mothers are talking about terrible hardships they have faced with their children. Cersei is here to comfort a mother who might lose her son. But she’s the reason her son is in the predicament. It’s such an evil, conniving thing – you’d never expect someone who’s so open with you was the culprit. You can say this about Cersei – she loves her kids and, at this point, her brother over all things. After that, she has no redeeming qualities.

I guess there’s a few physical ones, but keep those thoughts to your self.

The Gift of Needle – The Jon and Arya relationship at times feels like a true big brother, little sister relationship. Thinking of all of the people Arya ends up killing with Needle after this scene is kind of chilling, but also shows Jon’s helped protect Arya for a long chunk of the series. She’s a dead girl without Needle by her side. I love that at least somewhere in this show, there’s at least one nice, kind, loving relationship that doesn’t turn weird. We have a bunch of incest, family backstabbing, sibling hatred, and all other unspeakable acts. It’s actually cool that there’s one pairing that’s wholesome.

Jon will later have passionate sex with his aunt. Don’t ever expect this show to say wholesome for long.

Arya Besting Joffrey – I love how this went down. Joffrey acts like he has a three foot dick in this scene, trying to get Sansa drunk off of wine (could have learned this from about 10 people at King’s Landing). He mocks Arya for playing with a lowborn and that they use wooden swords. Arya kicks the ever loving shit out of him, and Nymeria comes in for the assist and bloodies Joffrey’s hand. I think if Arya didn’t have so much respect for her family, she would have been the next king slayer. It ends with Joffrey in tears, completely emasculated, in front of multiple witnesses.

This definitely has a play in the fate of Ned Stark, and I will never be swayed on that. Without this moment, maybe Joffrey listens to his council and spares the man. He might not have because he’s a sadist but it’s possible. The future wasn’t ideal, but in the present, this beat down was frigging hilarious.

What Didn’t Work:

Jorah the Slaver – I think for all the people who feel sympathy for Jorah spending most of the series being cockblocked forget one of the key issues with his character revealed this episode – he was a slaver. That’s not ideal. Maybe let’s not have sympathy for a man who forced people to work inhumane hours for no pay. If frigging Viserys has sympathy for you, saying he would not be punished for such acts under his reign, you know you’ve done something messed up. There’s something to be said for a redemption arc, but there’s also something to be said for somebody who sold human lives for profit. I really don’t feel bad for anything that happens to Jorah, including his own slavery stint later on. The show glosses over this wrongdoing, but I do not.

Ned Not Telling Jon about his mother – You couldn’t tell Jon when he’s given up his future who his mom is? We had to find out from frigging Bran? Stop giving Bran purpose you bastards!

I don’t really understand why Ned didn’t tell Jon, other than to add mystery to the plot. This would have been the perfect time; it may even have been a time to persuade Jon to avoid the Night’s Watch. Ned was hesitant about Jon joining in the first place – why not give him pause, and maybe even a new goal? I don’t know how Jon would have reacted, and maybe that’s why he didn’t mention it, but I think this would have been the time to do it. Give the kid something before he goes to one of the worst jobs imaginable – even worse than customer service.

Dany’s Sexcapades – Can you imagine HBO showing Khaleesi having graphic sex now with how her star rose? These scenes took me by complete surprise. They hate making that girl wear clothes in season 1.

First, Dany requests to get sex lessons from her hand maiden. I feel like HBO confused her plot line in season one with a script from “Real Sex”. This scene was made with the 13-39 Male demographic in mind. I mean, there were two girls going back and forward mounting each other. I feel like I should have watched this episode with sunglasses and a hood on.

Then later in the episode, Dany has graphic sex with Khal Drogo. I mean, this was probably porn and I’m surprised HBO didn’t get more letters. Again, if they asked Elimia Clarke to do this scene today, her agent would have the scene re-written, and get his/her client a raise.

Failed Assassination of Bran – When you think of unsung heroes in the series, this man who tried to murder Bran is one of them. What a hero, killed in the prime of his purpose. Poor dude.

RIP Heroic Failure Assassin (1354 – Not Much Longer than 1354)

His strategy of just walking into Bran’s room and assuming there would be no one else there was incredibly awful. His surprise that Catelyn is there is almost funny. We were almost down our first two Starks of the series, but Summer comes in and saves the day. The Direwolves end up with some of the highest, non Mountain, kill counts of the series.

This was a wasted opportunity by Martin. A successful assassination would to led to so many less Bran chapters. Imagine a world without Bran? Wow. I’m so happy there. Alas, it’s not to be, so I’ll continue to complain about ever scene the little runt is it.

The Sham Trial – Bobby B’s lack of disrespect of Cersei makes a ton of sense as to why Cersei hates him and anyone getting in her way. Robert also mocks Joffrey for being disarmed by Arya, who in his mind is just a girl. I don’t see King Robert leading a women’s march. This shows just how poor of patriarch Robert is. Robert’s skills include drinking, screwing and fighting – sometimes all at once. He should have never been king. No wonder the whole continent is ready to go to war.

Cersei demanding Sansa’s wolf being killed as punishment shows she wanted to flex some sort of power. Ned again feels compelled to carry out the sentence as per his honor. This honor business is played out already, even though Ned believed this mercy killing was the best option giving the circumstances. Lady dying was not a fun scene to witness. That was brutal.

The Hound kills the butcher boy with no remorse. I think this also shows how much he was a Lannister pawn at the time, but that changes as the series goes as well. This too was brutal. There’s no apology of build up to the death – just a corpse that the Hound carries to Joffrey like a trophy.

Death – 1 Heroic Assassin. 1 Butcher boy

Boobs – 1 (Dany)

Needless Graphic Sex – 2 (Both Dany) 

All the nudity was Dany this week, which seems odd to type out.

Bran Waking Up – Damn it, Martin! I deserve something today!