GOT Review: Episode 18 – The Prince of Winterfell

Princes don’t care so well in Game of Thrones. I don’t  think we’re breaking the trend for Theon.

Actually I know we’re not breaking the trend for Theon.

Summary – Davos and Stannis approach King’s Landing, Tywin leaves Harrenhall, Arya leaves Harrenhall, Cersei and Tyrion fight, Theon doesn’t understand numbers, Bran regretfully survives, Jon gets beat up without explanation, Dany experiences last episode’s plot again. 

 

Quotes:

Stannis Baratheon: Then why give him Storm’s End? First, we ate the horses. We weren’t riding anywhere, not with the castle surrounded. We couldn’t feed them, so fine. The horses, then the cats. I’ve never liked cats, so fine. I do like dogs, good animals, loyal, but we ate them too. Then the rats. The night before you slipped through, I thought my wife was dying. She couldn’t speak anymore, she was so frail. And then you made it through the lines, slipped right through in your little black sail boat with your onions…

Davos Seaworth: And some potatoes. Some salted beef, I believe.

Stannis Baratheon: Every man at Storm’s End wanted to kiss you that night.

Davos Seaworth: I was relieved they did not.

As Stannis laments how Robert favored Renly, he remembers how much he suffered to hold Storm’s end for Robert. While a lot of this scene focuses on the sacrifices that Stannis made for Bobby B, we also get a lot of the background on Davos. Despite just being a smuggler, he ultimately helped save Stannis’ life by providing food. God knows after eating rats, a bunch on onions are probably delicious. I bet they ate them raw, skin and all. That’s good snacking.

But what I like is the dry humor Davos offers. This is pretty much his character, a few quips a show that don’t even seem like jokes when he says them, and actual rational thought. Do you know how few characters think rationally? Spoilers, it’s Davos and Ghost. Davos doesn’t really want any credit for what he’s done – he thinks Stannis has done enough – maiming aside. I think his humility is the rarest trait we see in Game of Thrones. 

Tyrion Lannister: The Lord of Light wants his enemies burned. The Drowned God wants them drowned. Why are all the gods such vicious c****? Where is the god of tits and wine?

Lord Varys: In the Summer Isles, they worship a fertility goddess with sixteen teats.

Tyrion Lannister: We should sail there immediately.

Yeah, still not using the c word. Maybe for season 3 summaries.

While Davos’ humor is subtle, Tyrion’s is more in your face, but still clever. It’s also usually about sex but you know what he’s about.

What I like most about this quote is that is mirrors Jaime’s from last episode. While Jamie complained about the conflicting oaths people take, Tyrion complains about how all the gods seems to be against them. Just listing all the Gods shows how conflicted everyone’s beliefs are. Also, the cruelty of these gods show how little Tyrion thinks of them. He makes a good point.

I still think the drowned god is incredibly stupid. But then again, the iron born kind of suck.

What worked:

Robb calls dibs on Theon’s death – In an extremely difficult episode for Robb, you know, until the sex, Robb has one badass showing. When Bolton says he doesn’t have any word on Winterfell, Robb requests a message to go for the Iron born. He promises a full pardon and safe return for all the men, except Theon. He demands that Theon being taken alive so he can kill him himself. The fire in his declaration is what makes the scene. Too bad he had to say it to Roose. A damn shame. 

Arya’s escape and a genie’s limits – In yet another meeting with his council, Tywin gets disturbing reports about Stannis’ assault and  Robb getting close to Castely Rock. Tywin says his best bet is to attack Robb at night as the young wolf will want to battle immediately. Tywin decides to leave, assigning Arya to be the Mountain’s cup bearer. Yikes. Arya rushes for Jaqen but doesn’t find him before Tywin leaves. 

When Arya does find Jaqen, she names Tywin, but the murder can’t be done. So there are rules to this shit. About time. Frustrated, Arya names Jaqen with a promise to unsay his name if he helps her, Gendry, and Hot Pie for some reason, escape. Hot Pie was a dick this whole time, so I don’t see how he got in on this. I’d have left him to rot.

The three await instructions that night but Arya reveals that she’s received none. Eventually she starts walking toward the gate despite the Lannister guards. Then they realize all the guards are dead, propped up to appear active on patrol. The three escape Harrenhall. Was this unrealistic? Of course. But it worked. I really didn’t want to see Arya serve the Mountain either. Any of the 6 portrayals of him. 

Bronn being Bronn – As the leader of the city watch,  Bronn refuses to wear his gold cloak, saying it affects him in battle. He also says he can’t sneak up on people, which Tyrion points out is the opposite purpose of the city watch. Tyrion ultimately lets Bronn have his way. 

Tyrion reads up on war strategy, trying to find a way to counter of Stannis’ knowledge of King’s Landing. Bronn mocks this, saying books don’t win wars. That’s true, unless you smack a few soldiers with them. Bronn requests having good archers for them to have a shot. 

Finally, Varys enters, giving Bronn compliments on the drop in thievery. When Tyrion presses how he did this, Bronn causally says he rounded up all the known thieves and killed them. He also adds that the only ones to worry about are the unknown thieves. It seems like a dark joke, but Bronn’s method is effective if not cruel. During a siege, starvation kills the most people, alluded to by Stannis in this episode. Thieves become extremely powerful as they have a lot of the food. There is a method to Bronn’s madness, even though it’s pretty bloody. 

Tyrion’s counter – As Tyrion meets with Cersei to convince her to have Joffrey fight, Cersei refuses because she thinks Tyrion is scheming to get the king killed. Tyrion only wants him there to help motivate the troops, plus he’ll have the kingsguard and the best armor money can buy. 

Cersei then turns to a new topic, focusing on how men are controlled by their dicks. I mean, she’s not wrong

For revenge on Tyrion for marrying her only daughter and shipping her to Dorne, Cersei tells him that she has captured his whore. Tyrion says this is not the time for in fighting, but Cersei doesn’t care. Tyrion tries to save face by saying she’s only a whore to him but Cersei doesn’t believe it. Cersei will hold her captive and mirror any injury to Joffrey from the battle onto her.

Tyrion asks to see her and Cersei complies, but she has Ros instead. He decides to play up Ros being his lover, knowing that Shea may be safe. He definitely feels guilt for this, but he is revealed that Shea is safe, for now. Tyrion promises to hurt Cersei, mirroring her promise a few episodes ago. 

Tyrion confirms Shea’s safety later as she is in his room. Tyrion confesses he would kill her and I don’t really want to talk about Shea and Tyrion anymore. I have my reasons and you will too.

Davos’ rise – With Stannis, Davos advises they will arrive in King’s Landing. Stannis says he admires Davos for dealing with being mocked by high-born lords. He creates his family symbol based on an onion, a response to being known as the onion knight. You know high lords, he saved a good deal of you. Show the man some respect.  

Stannis says that in the rebellion, people only remember Ned and Robert. Nobody remembers that he held Storm’s End, a large castle, with 500 men. Davos says everybody remembers, but Stannis notes Renly received Storm’s End and not him. He talks about how they nearly starved to death if not for Davos’ onions. Stannis never questioned Robert’s orders, even when told to give of Storm’s End after protecting it. Maybe he should have said please?

Stannis says that when he is king, Davos will be selected to be his Hand. Stannis expects he is lowest born person to wear the badge. This is a huge boost, from being a smuggler to potentially the second most powerful man in the kingdom. We should be so lucky to have Davos in power. 

Varys’ warning – Joffrey wants to attack Robb Stark while he is distracted by Winterfell’s capture. Tyrion reminds him that Stannis’s army is coming to siege the kingdom. Joffrey has no fear and says he’ll greet Stannis himself and kill him. Yeah, that’s what’ll happen. Keep telling yourself that Joff. We’ll count your tears on Thursday. 

Tyrion asks Varys what he actually wants. Varys won’t give up anything until Tyrion gives info first. Tyrion explains the accolades that Jaime and Cersei have, while he was made plumber of Castely Rock. He clearly wants respect. Varys lets Tyrion know he’s a great hand, and Tyrion admits he enjoys playing the game – it’s his first taste of power and he’s good at it. 

Varys tells Tyrion that Dany has three dragons and in a few years, there will be nowhere to hide. Tyrion says they have one game to play at a time. This is important because it seems to show Varys’ hand – he’s a Targaryen loyalist. We get a lot of glimpses in the show of this, but I’d say this is our most direct confirm.  

Also of at least mild importance, Varys notes Stannis’ red priestess that leads to the God’s quote. Remember this for later seasons.

 

What didn’t work:

Theon hates logic – When Yara arrives at Winterfell Theon is disappointed that she didn’t bring more men. Yara insults him for killing Bran and Rickon and losing their most valuable assets. Theon says the boys were treasonous but Yara calls them brave, pissing Theon off. Theon played this siege like the Nets when they traded first first round picks for washed up Kevin Garnett and Paul Pierce. In other words, as shitty as possible.

Yara only came to try to bring Theon home. There’s no way for the iron islands to keep Winterfell, especially since it’s far from the water, their only advantage. Yara tells him there’s a target on his back and leaves with her men, but not before saying she doesn’t want her brother to die. She also takes a shot at their father which is great. 

Theon for some odd reason will not abandon Winterfell despite having no shot. Does he think being inside of Winterfell makes him insanely safe? It’s just ridiculous. 

Way to whisper Luwin – Later when Theon and Dagget discuss the farmer and his sons, we see Luwin, Osha, Bran and Rickon. Believe it or not, I didn’t hate this part because Bran is alive. 

It certainly didn’t help.

Osha tells Luwin they’ve hidden in the crypts, the last place Theon would look. This is true. Theon is so thick he’d never check somewhere on the grounds. Even using Hodor as a horse, Brian’s crippled. How far can he really travel? Luwin and Osha talk about who was actually killed – the farmers two son, dipped in tar to be unrecognizable. Luwin says they shouldn’t say anything out loud about the murders because Bran will blame himself. Well then why did you shout out info about the murders just seconds before? You’re in a quiet, man-made cave. Not only does he hear, he immediately blames himself. Great job asshole.

Qhorin’s unstated plan – Ygritte brings the Lord of Bones Jon as a gift. Here’s a classy man, wearing bones as a mask and throughout his wardrobe. The Lord of Bones wants to kill Jon, until he hears that Jon is Ned Stark’s bastard from Winterfell and instead wants to add him to his collection of Night Watchmen – which is just Qhorin Halfhand. I really hope he doesn’t do something stupid.

Qhorin immediately lets Jon know the rest of his team was killed trying to trail him and wants to make sure their deaths weren’t in vain. After predicting that Mance will attack the Wall soon, Qhorin shoves Jon to the ground, blaming him for the deaths of the men. I get that this is part of his plan, but he never lets Jon in. If I hadn’t read the book, I’d assume this was a vicious attack. They handled this character so oddly after building him up. A true misfire.

Awful, Awful job Cat – As Robb deals with another shitty day as King in the North, he gets a terrifying report about his mother. She didn’t kill Jaime so much as let him go on his word he’d release Cat’s daughters. This is a man who mocked oaths seconds before. Not a great move.

Robb is furious and calls her actions betrayal. She tries to justify her actions by saying all her other children are prisoners, but it’s not a good argument. Robb says she was played for a fool and there will be more disorder to the ranks. Caitlyn is low-key placed under watch – being guarded day and night, mostly to protect her from rogue angry Northerns, like Lord Karstark, but also to prevent her from another stupid move.

Speaking of, Karstark enters and demands revenge. Unlike Cat, his son is dead and not safe as a prisoner. He wants revenge. I don’t see how Cat imagined relasing Jaime was a good idea. It’s moronic to say the least.

Robb forgoes the vows – So Robb has had just the worst day, and Talisa comes to speak with him. Robb vents about all that has gone wrong, but feels he was rude. He asks about Talisa who explains that she became a doctor because a slave saved her brother from drowning without a second thought. This escalates quickly, to Robb saying he has no desire to marry the Frey girl. It’s only a few seconds before the two of them are having wild sex on the floor of the camp.

I guess it wasn’t that bad of day for you after all, was it Robb?

Look, I get it. Robb wanted Talisa from her first appearance. It was no secret. Quite honestly, he has pretty good taste. But this is a man who believes in honor over everything. He’s never wavered from it, and has gone out of his way to show mercy to his enemies when possible. How in the world does this work out. Kind of crazy when you think about it. But, Robb wasn’t thinking rationally.

Not a strong episode for the camp.

Jaime is still full of himself – Jaime falls off his horse as he’s riding with Brienne and he’s in chains, but that doesn’t stop him from talking a ton of shit.

Jaime calls Brienne as boring as she is ugly.

I mean, he’s definitely right about the boring part. Book readers are nodding their heads for sure.

Jaime says that Brienne could not beat him in a fight, saying only three men could – my guess is Selmy and both Cleganes. Jaime hasn’t won a damn fight in the whole series. I mean, Ned Stark almost beat you dude, keep your hype to yourself. He may be tenacious and one of the true great shit talkers, but I will not allow him to hype himself up as a fighter while being chained up.

Plot device –  Sam, Edd and Gren are digging holes and wonder where he is. Edd assumes Jon and Quorin are dead. Sam doesn’t believe any of it.

While digging Gren discovers an odd symbol, which Sam recognizes as marks from the First men. They overturn a stone and find a Night Watch cloak wrapping dragon glass. It’s unclear why it would be buried, but it becomes a huge convenient plot device soon enough. I know it’s TV, but finding the dragon glass in the one area they searched is a little too clean for my taste. At least make them work for it.

Dany’s de ja vu – Jorah tells Dany that he has found a ship with a good captain to flee now. Dany refuses, saying the dragons are her children and she will not leave without them. Jorah advises against this, but Dany says she walked into the fire unburnt and will never abandon them. She begs Jorah to take her to the House of the undying.

Didn’t this already get decided in the last episode? I feel like a slightly different version of this conversation happened. It wasn’t a particularly good scene the first go around either. Can’t we just get to cool Dany plots again? Alas, that’s about 3 seasons away.

Death – 3 Lannister guards

Boobs – 1

Needlessly Graphic Sex – 1