Why New Years Resolutions Fail or An Anti-Resolution Resolution

In general, society is entranced in tradition. I don’t believe this is necessarily a bad thing, but there are times it doesn’t make sense. Many of us continue to follow the traditions our parents did, rarely questioning or altering them much. Most of these traditions range from good, to harmless. Others, such as any New Years Resolution, have a negative effect. New Year Resolutions are today’s focus, but there’s plenty of other questionable traditions.

Most of these traditions are more questionable than the second half of today’s title. That was Bloggin Hood 2021 early heat check. It won’t be the last.

One of the more baffling traditions in the United States is St Patrick’s Day. I’m not sure how canonizing a Catholic Saint became a national “holiday” but sure, I’ll overlook that.* [efm_note] * How am I possibly overlooking it? I called it out in the same sentence. [/efn_note]. The word holiday is in quotes for a good reason. Any day where school or work is required is no holiday to me. Of course, there’s more issues than missing out on a free day off.

I’m all for celebrating history or heritage, but St. Patrick’s Day has nothing to do with the man or Ireland. The only three traditions most celebrate on St. Patrick’s Day is wearing green (fine), eating Irish soda bread (ok) and getting shit face (oh). Let’s be honest, all anyone cares about St Patrick’s Day is the drinking. Perhaps, some people care about the ceremonial parade, but most attendees bring a spiked solo cup.

I’m not getting the correlation here. Why did a saint’s name get tagged on a day that encourages drinking? That doesn’t seem very spiritual. Then again, if you’re only having well drinks, you might get away with it.

I better stop before I get struck by lightning three days into 2021.

As an aside, I remember taking the train into work for years on St. Patrick’s Day. The amount of adults drunk on a 7 AM train every March 17th remains shocking. Look, I’m not one to judge how people have a good time, but can’t you wait until people get to class or the office? How frigging early do you need to start drinking to be smashed at 7 AM? I refuse to accept Guinness is a breakfast beer. Pace yourselves people.

There’s a lot of other iffy traditions out there. Valentine’s Day will never add up to me. Why is their pressure for every citizen to express their love on one specific day of the year? Because Hallmark, Godiva, and frigging Jared’s said they needed to increase their bottom line every February. If we’re in a relationship, our wallets are bled of every cent. If we’re single, we’re sad and angry that our wallets have not been bled. This is a rare instance where everyone loses. Hooray?

And trust me, every one of us will participate in Valentine’s Day throughout our lives. There’s no escape. You’ll enjoy spending $25 on a chocolate box where half the candies are filled with cement mix. Don’t even get me started on the flower prices getting jacked up by 800%. Who decided a rose costs more than a kidney? I’d like a word with them.

Traditions exist for a reason. There’s a good sentiment behind nearly every tradition. I hate the financial strain Valentine’s Day brings, but I understand the concept. It’s a day to express love. We could all use some of that in our lives. I’m not going to write a blog knocking love… at least not this early in the year.

I’ll admit I still don’t get the St Patrick connection though. Was he a lush?

The problem is some traditions have negative results, even when the intentions are good. A New Years Resolution is the biggest offended I can think of. I agree with the idea – finding something you’d like to improve about yourself and resolve to do so. That’s wonderful. Who wouldn’t like to improve themselves?

It’s also doomed to fail almost immediately.

If you’ve made a New Years Resolution, have you kept it? I’d say 25% of resolutions have been broken before you read this post. This happens every year, yet we continue to make resolutions because the Earth completed a rotation around the sun. Insanity is repeating the same scenario and expecting different results. Why are we so insane? Do you have any answers St. Patrick?

Part of the reason a typical New Years Resolution fails is the added pressure. Most people consider the New Year a fresh start. If the previous year was difficult, January 1st represents hope for better things. After 2020, this New Year will have a lot to live up to. Everyone wants the next year to be their year. The expectations become unachievable before the year starts.

The calendar is the only change from December 31st to January 1st. In fact, most people start off New Years nursing a hangover. Yes, that’s the way to start a better year, nausea and a migraine. If you really want to start a New Year off start, invest in Pedialyte**. **¹

The other, arguably bigger issue, is New Years Resolutions are too lofty. Sure, many of them sound simple enough. A simple goal of exercising more and eating better should be a layup. Well, they certainly aren’t. If they were so easy, we wouldn’t need a New Years Resolution, now would we?

The biggest issue has to be the timing. New Years Resolutions are like a line in the sand. Individuals identify a problem or a weakness and decide they want to eliminate it. This is fantastic, in theory. However, there’s no reason we need to wait until New Years to make any of these changes.

Let’s say, oh, I don’t know, Bob Bobberton decides to make a few changes in his life. Don’t worry, it certainly won’t be working harder because that would be ridiculous. In December, Bob notices his Quarantine 15 doubled to 30 pounds. He decides he wants to eat healthier and lose some weight. He determines the best time to start this plan is January 1st.

It’s now time for a Bloggin Hood Quiz. What was Bob Bobberton’s mistake?

If you said constantly harassing poor Bloggin Hood at work to the point of insanity, great job. It’s not the answer to the question at hand, but it’s very VERY true.

The issue is Bob should have began his plan immediately. Self improvement is extremely difficult. When you recognize something you want to change or improve about yourself, you need to work on it right away. Any serious changes do not happen overnight. You have to develop new habits, and work on them constantly. These changes have to occur slowly to increase your odds of success.

So why the frigging Hell does everyone wait until January 1st to make these changes?

The biggest excuse is the holidays. People don’t want to deprive themselves of imbibing through the holiday season. It turns out our tradition of gorging ourselves on sweets every December backfired. See why I brought up random traditions and holidays at the beginning? It was relevant after all.

I think another huge reason is that these changes are really hard. Following through with any goal takes a lot of work, discipline, and the willingness to power through any set backs you have. Nobody’s got time for this shit during the holiday. Instead, people wait until the calendar changes. The most popular time to begin any project is tomorrow.

The second most popular start time is “soon.” My post schedule proves how effective that can be.

Have you heard the Phrase “New year, new you”? Of course you have. You don’t live under a rock. Do you hate that phrase as much as I do? It’s an anthem for procrastinators. People could make start these changes well before the new year. Instead, they decide to make that a problem for their future selves. Spoiler alert: their future selves will in turn hate their past selves. It’s like a much less interesting episode of Doctor Who.

Trust me, I’m as guilty as anyone when it comes to procrastinating. I wanted to post this blog on January 1st. My rant sounds hypocritical because it is hypocritical. However, I want to highlight the error in all of our ways. We can change this by avoiding stupid New Years Resolutions. It’s what St. Patrick would have wanted.*** ²

The idea of having a New Years Resolution is great. It’s the practice that creates an issue. Every year, millions of us make lofty goals, get discouraged quickly, and revert to bad habits. Out of curiosity, and out of desperation for content, I looked up the top 10 New Years Resolutions from last year. It’s easy to see how quickly these can spiral from “good idea” to “embarrassingly failure.”

I’m going to highlight a few of them to show where they go wrong. Then, I’ll suggest how I’d tackle them to make them manageable. Remember, Bloggin Hood is not a licensed Life Coach, but only because my paperwork keeps getting rejected. Apparently, writing angry, nonsensical rants doesn’t substitute for a degree in psychology****. ³

One common New Years Resolution I did not tackle was quitting smoking or drinking. I drink infrequently, and I’ve smoked one cigar in my life. I haven’t smoked meat or fish, let alone a cigarette. The only advise I can give on these goals is to seek help through the appropriate channels. If you’re trying to quit these or other potentially destructive habits, don’t wait for New Years, do it as soon as possible. And good on you for trying.

Eat Healthy/ Exercise More

These were the #1 and #2 New Years Resolutions. While they’re different, they usually go hand and hand, so I’ll cover them together. it’s pretty easy to see how people lose sight of these resolutions quickly. Not only are they hard, I’d argue right after New Years is the single worst time for these changes.

During the holidays, desserts are plentiful. I swear, these things multiple like rabbits in your fridge or on your kitchen table. Unless you have iron willpower, you will eat any and all desserts in your house. As soon as January 1st hits, the desserts are still in your kitchen. They didn’t just get up and vanish. Hold this thought.

Likewise, the holidays are one of the most difficult times to workout. Usually, families get together to celebrate and theirs a lot of travel. However, this year, you probably didn’t travel as much. Instead, if you were like me, you sat on your chair, or on your couch, not working out. It’s understandable; we’re experiencing a one in a lifetime pandemic raging everywhere. It’s not exactly motivational.

Whatever the reason was, the holidays are not workout friendly. Coupled with all the increased eating, it’s completely logical to make this your New Years Resolution. It will also be your past New Years Resolution by January 7th.

After being surrounded by desserts for weeks, you acquire a taste for sugar. It’s going to take some some to adjust to a normal life where you don’t eat 9 desserts a day. Unless you throw everything away, you’re going to eat some of those leftovers. This is scientific fact. You can’t fight against science, my friends

Likewise, when you’re out of a workout routine, it’s extremely difficult to return to it. It doesn’t help that January 1st is national hangover day. Odds are, you’ll miss out working out that day (props to you if you didn’t), and play catchup on the 2nd. This is usually when people overdue it, and have to take several days off from soreness. You can see how difficult it is to regain consistency.

You know what foods also help cure that hangover on New Years Day? Every frigging thing you swore you wouldn’t eat. It’ll taste doubly delicious helping you recover. Screw you Little Debbie.

In normal years, the gym is also extremely crowded on New Years with people who made the same resolution. You’ll have difficulty getting to machines you want to use. Normally, I wouldn’t go to the gym during the New Years rush. This year? I’d rather be trapped in a office for a weekend with Bob Bobberton then workout next to the populous. Not a good sign for keeping a goal.

The final issue is the scale. If you’re goal is losing weight, you’re going to weigh yourself more than needed. This becomes your worst enemy. If you avoid all of the landmines I pointed out, the scale might still do you in. Weigh doesn’t melt away overnight. It takes much longer than two weeks into a new year. When the scale fails to show good progress, many people pack it in right there. You might find yourself cutting a third slice of breakfast cake only 2 weeks into 2021.

That’s a normal occurrence, right? I can’t be the only one having multiple slices of cake for breakfast.

Bloggin Hood’s Advice

The best advice for either of these New Years Resolutions is to start them before January. If you begin making changes in the 4th quarter of the year, the transition to 2021 won’t be so bad. The holidays are many people’s downfall, but if you’ve been dieting and eating well up to that point, you can afford a few days of relaxed eating and minimal activity.

If you decided to wait for January 1st to make the changes, start slow. Don’t deprive yourself of anything that tastes good, or you’ll be cutting that third slice of cake sooner than later. Instead, try to eat clean for 5 days during the week. Give yourself one day where you eat what you want, and then another where you can have a dessert or an iffy meal. You’ll avoid having huge cravings, but still maintain a decent diet. You can tighten up the restrictions after a few weeks.

Personally, I’m all for avoiding any gym rush (assuming it’s safe to attend). January is a nightmare for working out, especially using weights. I recommend going at odd hours, or coming up with a workout at home. In fact, calculate how many calories you burn cutting cake slices. Maybe we’re doing this all wrong.

By February, many of the new gym goers stop attending. These people do not read Bloggin Hood, and likely based their whole year on New Years Resolutions. Now that they’ve given up, they’re prepared to buy a $16 Valentine’s Day card and drink a bottle of Whiskey to celebrate St. Patrick’s Day. This is when you can return to the gym and workout in peace (again, assuming it’s safe).

We can pick up the pace on these New Years Resolution Now. Unfortunately for you, reader, Bloggin Hood did not resolve to be concise in 2021.

Find A New Job

Other than the aforementioned Bob Bobberton, everyone tends to hate their job. In Bobberton’s defense, he got to nap and chat instead of actually work. I understand where he’s coming from. Far too well unfortunately.

After 2020, anyone with a job should probably be grateful that they are still employed. Of course, that doesn’t mean that won’t check Monster, Indeed and other sites for something new. Even in a crappy market, most people want to see if the grass in greener in another office.

I guess technically it would be carpet instead of grass, but you get the idea.

The biggest issue with this resolution is everyone is looking at the same time. If you try to search for jobs, there’s going to be more candidates in January than probably any other time in the year. There’s nothing wrong with looking for a new career, but timing is everything.

Bloggin Hood’s Advice

My first advice is to try to become so wealthy you don’t have to work. Try to marry rich, win the lottery or inherit a fortune. Maybe you can combine all three and sell your story to Hallmark or Lifetime. “Lost Love and Lotto Tickets” premiers January 15th at 9PM on Hallmark.

If you’re like the remaining 99.999% of society, I don’t know how much headway you can make applying in January. I mean, you should still of course apply to jobs you like, but you’re better served updating your resume and researching. Don’t just get a new job; get a new job you think you’ll like. What a concept.

Perhaps something will far into your lap, but the best way to complete this New Years Resolution is not to wait until New Years. You should be applying as soon as you realize your current job is a soul sucking demon spawn.

Learn a New Skill

This one seems odd to me. Don’t get me wrong; I think it makes sense, but 2020 was the perfect time to develop some new skills. No, it’s not easy to stay motivated with everything going on, but again, the calendar flipping doesn’t change that. It seems if you didn’t pick up a skill during the pandemic, it will take a gargantuan effort to do so now. But hey, if you’re determined, so for it.

This is a broad category that I would think ranges from writing, artistry, music, cooking, baking, and probably a million other things. I think the issue is the same with working out. You have to create time for a new skill and stick with it. Without consistency, you won’t make learning this new skill a habit.

Another issue is progression. Personally, I get frustrated when I can’t pick up something quickly. Instead of learning a new skill I enjoy, it’ll feel like work and I’ll drop it. I imagine lots of people would see it the same way.

Bloggin Hood Advice

I think you have to be very careful on what skill you pick. If you pick something too complex, your New Years Resolution will be over before it began. Now granted, you’ll be following the footsteps of millions of other people, but you don’t want that.

I think the skill you want to learn should either be useful in everyday life, or relaxing. The latter should speak for itself. If you’re looking for something to calm you down after work or help you relax, perhaps learning how to skydive isn’t the best choice. If you get frustrated easily, I’d avoid a portable instrument. You don’t want to break a guitar after missing a chord 4 times in a row unless you’re flush with cash.

Learning a useful skill could be frustrating, but it might be the best thing for you in the long term. Cooking isn’t exactly hard, but it takes a lot of practice to get good at it. When you start out, expect a good deal of frustration. I’ve overcooked chicken 300 times in fear of salmonella. If you’re brand new to the kitchen you’ll probably to the same. That’s ok. BBQ sauce covers up the dryness. Plus, you won’t have food poisoning.

Sometimes, not having food poisoning is a win. You’d be surprised what the bar can be for these goals.

Read More

As one of the premier bloggers on the internet******, ⁴ I don’t read very much. This does seem like a worthwhile hobby to have. It gets your eyes off of screens for a bit. Unless you’re reading on a tablet. That seems to defeat the purpose of getting off of screens.

The hardest part with reading is finding the time. With commuting being non-existent for many, I think reading has probably plummeted. Commuting was the one time many people read. Now, there’s more time for so many different activities. Or, just doing nothing at all, which is a luxury a lot of us need right now. It’s tough finding the time and mental energy to read right now.

Bloggin Hood Advice

Well, look at you. You already started this New Years Resolution. And since you’re at the end of one blog, why not read another? I mean, there so quick and so easy to read. You can get through another 3 or 4 way faster than a chapter of a book. What an engaging, interesting blog. Don’t even bother questioning why a 33 adult male keeps writing about 90s cartoons.

Or you know, start reading books like a sucker.

In summation, the problem with New Years Resolutions is there’s no time like the present. If you want to make a chance, don’t wait. Do it when you recognize the change you want to make. It’ll make you much happier. Plus you won’t have additional pressure to succeed.

Maybe next year, instead of New Years Resolutions, we can all just agree New Years Eve kind of sucks too? Like, why do we want to start off with a hangover? I bet St Patrick’s behind it. That guy loved New Years.

1. I mean to both buy a bottle and invest in their stock before New Years Eve. You’re relieve your hangovers AND probably turn a profit. Bloggin Hood is not responsible for stock market failures.
2. ***Originally, I wrote a paragraph asking if St. Patrick ever had a breakfast Guinness and if that sparked the fake holiday. It made no sense. Honestly, I’m not sure why this is a footnote, but here we are.
3. ****Ironically, being a life coach was my 2017 New Years Resolution. That did not help get my certification.
4. *****In the sense that I have a blog that my own articles premier on