Unreleased Peppa Pig Script or The Truth is Out There

This website has given its dedicated readers copious amounts of information. It recommended to take Le’Veon Bell first overall in fantasy drafts. It accurately reported the return of Ducktales, even if it took 9 different predictions that ended up all being wrong. It even leaked the original script for Space Jam 2, which ending up being rewritten to obscene levels. I mean, giving LeBron more than a cameo? Why don’t I just same time and watch him drink wine in a barbershop?

Ok, so the reporting team of Bloggin Hood isn’t elite. We focus more on the Jalen Rose model – giving the people what they want. Facts aren’t as fun. I mean, look at twitter. All twitter has become are people getting mad at each other over politics. Do you really want to be depressed all the time? Actually, I don’t know you, so you might. But that’s not the life I’m about.

But I mean, seriously, who replaces Lavar Ball for a hack like LeBron?

#Connorstrong

There is at least one piece of truth Bloggin Hood supplied to the masses – the truly toxic, evil nature behind popular children’s show, Peppa Pig. Out of all the posts on this site so far, Peppa Pig is the one that generated the most feedback. People who have young children tell me what they’ve noticed since the blog was posted, and let me tell you, it might be worse than I feared. Poor Daddy Pig continues to be tormented while Peppa Pig is still the biggest bully since Ivan Drago. Remember, Drago murdered a man in boxing match. It’s not looking good for Peppa Pig.

But not all the readers are as quick to adapt to the truth as I had hoped. I imagine the Bloggin Hood fan base falls into three categories:

1. Those who believe everything they read without sources, especially this site. These are, by far, some of the most intelligent people in the world. It would behoove them to remember that donating $20 with every blog in will only help continue to turn the wheels of knowledge this site spins. (You have to admit, that’s an impressive metaphor. Maybe make it $30).
2. Those who only read the topics they are interested in and skip over the ones they aren’t. I really feel bad for the people who hate Game of Thrones for the next couple of months.
3.  Those who need evidence and proof to believe stuff. I like to call these people losers.

Now, perhaps calling them losers isn’t fair. Maybe morons is more àpropos. Then again, with all the facts that were provided in the Peppa Pig article, it could just be a personal deficiency. These are likely people who root for the Mets and then listen to Mike Francesca – I mean, you’re really just asking to be angry.

Many of these suspect people doubt the legitimacy of my allegations on Peppa Pig. They argue that it’s a kids show and any bullying or cruel behavior has been greatly exaggerated. Some don’t even think Peppa is a cruel tyrannical figure and allow their kids to watch this show. That’s just going to create a new generation of entitled neanderthals. I shouldn’t be surprised – some people still think don’t think Darkwing Duck is the best character of all time. This era, my friends, is the true dark ages.

The doubters demand facts instead of opinions. Well, I thought this was America and I had freedom of speech. Now the burden is on me to prove my point of view with evidence? Unbelievable. It’s like some people haven’t even read the constitution.

I guess Im expected to ignore the dozens of websites and articles on-line that back up my anti Peppa Pig agenda. A few of these articles weren’t even written by me. Still, if it’s proof the doubters want, I’ll provide it, even though it goes against the fourth amendment.*

I’ve been sitting on this for a while – a script written by the Peppa Pig writing staff. This episode has not been aired yet, but has been marked as a final copy. I can’t quite tell you how I came across this information, but let’s just say it didn’t involve the 4th amendment.

I held on to it due to all the negativity in the world today. I had hoped to give everyone some laughs, in particular the donators. Remember, $40 per post goes a long way into having me put in an immeasurable amount of added effort. However, enough is enough. Our society is crumbling, and I believe it’s due to a pink bully in a dress who likes splashing in mud.

I’m going to release it today to convince these doubters that my assessment has been correct. Peppa Pig is a bully, and she’s not alone. This script contains several surprising twists to the Peppa Pig franchise that would make the Lost writers jealous. I wouldn’t be surprised if George RR Martin oversaw this episode. You’d think this would be generating more buzz.

I will say, I had to clean up this episode. There was a lot of swearing in the original script plus there was a peculiar scene taking unnecessary shots at unions that I didn’t quite understand. Truly, it was in bad taste. Other than the language and removal of that scene (which contained several references to illegal narcotics), this script is unedited. Send any complaints to the Peppa Pig offices.

But hopefully as respectful citizens, you’ve already been sending countless complaints to those offices. Always follow through on your civic duty.

Daddy Pig and the Unfortunate Day

Scene: Int – Pig House. An alarm goes off. Daddy Pig goes to shut off the alarm but knocks his glasses off the table. When he gets up, he hears a crunch

Narrator: Clumsy Daddy Pig has broken his glasses!

Daddy: Oh bother. I seem to have broken my glasses.

Narrator: I just said that you oaf!

Daddy: I suppose I’ll have to wear my spare pair. I haven’t worn those since I was in university.

*Daddy Pig enters the bathroom and looks at his reflection. The glasses are huge and cover most of his face*

Daddy: It’s not an attractive pair, but it’ll do. I’ll make the best of it.

*Next, Daddy Pig is seen making breakfast – Eggs, pancakes and toast**. The sun has not yet risen*

Daddy: Hopefully everyone will wake up hungry. This is a mountain of food!

*Daddy Pig hears a noise and looks at the fridge. The fridge is leaking*

Narrator: Oh no! The fridge is broken. That’s going to cost Daddy Pig his entire pay check.

Daddy: I can take care of that.

*Daddy Pig pulls out his wrench and fixes the fridge.*

Daddy: Haha! I fixed it!

*Dark smoke appears*

Daddy: Oh no, the eggs!

*Some of the eggs are charred black and inedible*

Narrator: Daddy Pig has ruined breakfast.

Daddy: Well, I wouldn’t say ruined. There’s still pancakes and…

Narrator: There’s nothing for Peppa Pig to eat!

Daddy: Actually she has plenty of options that…

Narrator: Uh oh. Peppa Pig is up.

Daddy: Gulp

*Peppa enters the room with a big, menacing smile*

Daddy: Good morning Peppa.

Peppa: Yeah, I bet it… What’s wrong with your face?

Daddy: I’m wearing new glasses. Do you like them?

Peppa You look like a nerd! HAHHHAHAHA.

Daddy: I think they look ok.

Peppa: If you like being a smelly nerd. I’m hungry. Where’s breakfast?

Daddy:  I just made it.

Peppa: Then serve it to me!

*Daddy Pig gives her a hearty plate of eggs, pancakes and toast. He’s careful to avoid giving her any eggs that are too charred. Peppa dives in head first but stops when she sees a burnt piece of egg*

Peppa: And what’s this?

Daddy: Oh, the eggs got a little burnt.

Peppa: And you served your only daughter gross, inedible eggs?

Daddy: You could eat around it. You’ve eaten the rest of your breakfast…

Peppa: Dont you know how to cook like Mommy? Mommy doesn’t burn eggs.

Daddy: Well yes, but…

Peppa: Mommy! MOMMY!

*Mommy Pig enters*

Mommy: What’s the matter Peppa?

Peppa: Daddy burnt breakfast and is forcing me to eat it.

Daddy: I never said…

Mommy: Oh dear, you know how Daddy gets when he makes a mistake.

Peppa: He is so rude!

Mommy: That’s right.

Daddy: But breakfast wasn’t ruined.

Mommy: It’s ok dear. Cooking can be hard for some people.

Peppa: I want cereal. The chocolate one

Daddy: That’s very high in sugar.

Peppa: But I’m starving!

Mommy: That’s ok. We’ll let you have a bowl just this once.

Peppa: And the next time Daddy ruins breakfast. Like tomorrow.

Scene:  External – Drive Way  *Daddy Pig leaves the house and prepares to go to work. He has an awful shirt-tie combination on. He  tries to start his car, but the engine is dead*

Daddy: But I just had this car looked at!

*Daddy Pig tries again, but the car will not start.*

Daddy: I wonder if I forgot to shut my lights off last night? Oh well, I can get a ride with Mommy Pig and the Kids.

*Suddenly, a much nicer, fancier calls peels out of the driveway. It’s Mommy Pig with Peppa and George*

Peppa: Go faster Mommy. Sally Sheep got braces and I want to call her a robot.

George: We’re going too fast, I’m scared!

Peppa: Grow up, crybaby.

*George starts crying*

Mommy: Peppa, behave!

Peppa: But I didn’t even hit him!

Narrator: It looks like Daddy Pig will be walking to work today.

Daddy: Oh, no matter. I’ll take public transportation.

*Evil music plays*

Scene: External – Bus Stop. Daddy Pig walks on a bus. He walks toward a free seat, but Oldy Owl (?), also walks toward it. Daddy Pig stop

Daddy: Please, after you.

Owl: It’s nice to see there’s still gentlemen in the world.

Daddy: Oh, well I don’t like to brag.

*Suddenly, a Jackal with an unbutton shirt and a gold chain pushes people out of his way and takes the seat*

Jackal: You snooze you lose!

Narrator: It appears that Jerk Jackal has stolen the seat right from dear Oldy Owl.

Daddy Pig: Excuse me sir. That seat was for Miss Owl.

Jackal: Oh, really? I don’t see no name on it.

Daddy: Sir, I really think you should reconsider.

Jackal: Why are you harassing me? Hey, Bus Driver, kick this guy off this bus. He didn’t pay!

Daddy: What are you doing?

Jackal: Let’s shame this freeloader everyone!

*The rest of the bus looks angrily at Daddy Pig, including Oldy Owl*

Daddy: But, why are you mad at me Miss Owl?

Owl: You couldn’t get me a seat and now you’re riding for free? I bet you don’t pay your taxes! Leave this poor Jackal and get off the bus.

Daddy: But I did paid.

Jackal: But did you thank the Bus Driver?

Daddy: Well… I’m pretty sure I did. Didn’t I? Oh dear, I’m not sure.

Jackal: Fiend!

*The Next Scene has the bus pull away with Daddy Pig off of it. He’s only gone a block from his house.*

Narrator: I told you you’d be walking. You can use the exercise.

Scene: Int – Office Building. Daddy Pig, covered in sweat, finally makes it to his office with a minute to spare. He gets to his seat, by is greeted by an angry Boss*

Narrator: Daddy Pig has made it. But Boss Beaver doesn’t seem to be happy about his arrival.

Daddy: Can I help you Sir?

Beaver: Why are you so sweaty?

Daddy: Well my car broke down and…

Beaver: I didn’t ask for your life story, just for some deodorant. Why are you late?

Daddy: I’m actually right on time.

Beaver: No. It’s 9 O’clock. You come in at 8:30!

Daddy: That’s because I like to come in early.

Beaver: Which is why your late today!

Daddy: I don’t think you understand…

Beaver: Oh, I understand. I understand what you’ll be doing as a punishment.

Daddy: Punishment?

Beaver: For being late, you can clean the bathrooms!

Daddy: Sir, I’m a highly trained engineer!

Beaver: Then you’ll be able to figure out how to clean pretty easy, won’t you Piggy?

Narrator: Hope you know how to hold your breath Daddy Pig!

Scene: Int school. Peppa Pig stands before the kids and gives a speech about unions. 

*The scene is omitted due to offensive comments about Union Workers, drug propaganda, Vegans, Charities, and the French*

Scene: Int – Office. Daddy Pig looks even more tired after spending his whole day cleaning bathrooms. He goes to grab his coat. 

Beaver: Where do you think you’re going?

Daddy: Home to my family after a long day’s work.

Beaver: You haven’t finished your work today.

Daddy: But I cleaned every bathroom. They’re clean enough to eat off.

Beaver: I know. I tried.

Daddy: Why would you?

Beaver: You haven’t done your own work. Pushing papers or whatever?

Daddy: I’m an engineer!

Beaver: Save your chatter for tomorrow. I’m going home to my family.

Narrator: Boss Beaver sure is a good manager, getting the most of his employees .

Scene: Int- Pig household. Daddy Pig enters looking defeated. He puts his bag down and goes to the kitchen. 

Daddy: Hello family!

*Nobody is in the room. There is no dinner waiting for him*

Daddy: Oh. I’m sure they kept it warm in the oven for me.

*Daddy Pig opens the oven and sees nothing. Peppa comes down with a plate full of food*

Peppa: Looking for this?

Daddy: Oh Peppa, thank you.

Peppa: Well you can’t have it!

Daddy: What? But I’m so hungry.

Peppa: Mommy says you need to lose weight because you’re so fat!

*Peppa begins eating the food*

Peppa: Oh it’s so tasty.

Daddy: Peppa, I am your father. Hand me my dinner.

Peppa: Here you can have the lettuce. It will shrink your tummy.

*Peppa walks out of the room*

Daddy: I’m on my last nerve.

*Daddy Pig opens the fridge and takes out a soda. Peppa races back in*

Peppa: Gee Daddy, all that sugar? You can’t afford the calories.

Daddy: I’ve been working out.

Peppa: Working our your fork.

Daddy: That’s it!

*Daddy Pig stands up*

Daddy: I am your father and I demand respect.

Peppa: Daddy, you’re so funny.

Daddy: Go to your room! You’re grounded.

Peppa: Hahaha. Like I’d listen to you! You’re not Mommy! Enjoy your lettuce, Tubby. I’m going to order Pay Per View.

Scene: Int – Bedroom. Daddy Pig enters to talk to Mommy Pig.

Daddy: Mother, can I talk to you?

Mother: Well of course dear. What’s wrong?

*Suddenly they hear crying*

Peppa: Stop being a baby George. You’re not even bleeding!

Mommy: Should we handle that?

Daddy: This will only take a second. Why doesn’t my daughter respect me?

Mommy: Oh, of course she does. You’re being silly.

Daddy: Just today she ate my dinner and called me fat.

Mommy: She’s just a child. She doesn’t know better.

Daddy: But she idolizes you. I wish she’d give me the same respect she gives you.

*Without warning, Mommy Pig looks unbelievably furious*

Mommy: Oh do you, now? And you think I should give all my hard earned respect up to the likes of you?

Daddy: Dear?

Mommy: Don’t dear me you fool. Do you know how quickly that terror will turn on me when she’s a teen? Huh? I will not allow that. I’ve been training Peppa for years to love me the most. Do you think this was all her?

Daddy: I did.

Mommy: Well, it was about 99%Peppa  but I was there to teach her whatever she wanted to learn.

*Flash backs occur, where Mommy Pig shows Peppa how to break the fridge, how to turn on Daddy’s Pig car via a hot wire and then Peppa planting a soda in the fridge while handing Mommy Pig all the water.*

Mommy: I will not lose all I’ve earned when she’s 13.

Daddy: But what about me?

Mommy: Sacrifices have to be made.

Daddy: I’ll… I’ll tell our friends.

Mommy: Oh who would ever believe you, a pad janitor?

Daddy: I’m a engineer!

Mommy: Sure you are.

Daddy: Peppa and George will love me

Mommy: Who’s George?

Daddy: Our son.

Mommy: Doesn’t ring a bell.

*George cries again*

Peppa: Stop being such a baby. You can barely see any bone.

Daddy: I suppose I’ll have to get that?

Mommy: You best.

Narrator: And once again, the day was saved by Peppa Pig.

Daddy: That wasn’t even relevant.

Narrator: Shut up loser.

And that my friends was the previously unreleased episode. Odd how much longer it was than a typical Peppa Pig episode. I blame whatever drugs the writing staff was.

Daddy Pig certainly deserves better. Please tweet out your solace with him by using the following hashtags: #justicefordaddypig, #downwithPeppa, #Peppaisabully, #bringbackdarkwing and of course #notmykidshow

*The fourth amendment, as I understand it is basically the right to own property and to not have it seized or search without probable cause and/or a warrant. I had to throw this in on the off-chance people thought I was serious.

**Before my edits, the writers had bacon as part of the breakfast. How thoughtless of them. Good thing I’m world renowned as an editor.