Peppa Pig – Male Hating Propaganda or Feminists, Please Send Your Hate Mail to…

Kid’s shows tend to be some of the weirdest programs on TV. Now, I’m not talking about cartoons in general. Some cartoons are designed to be weird for the sake of being weird, and are targeted at older children. I’m referring to shows for the preschoolers; the type that should be educating the youth on their letters, their colors, and how to be a decent human being. Somehow, these are the shows that twist their moral obligation, and create some of the most bizarre characters out there. For every Paw Patrol or Dora the Explorer, there’s a bunch of “unique” programs that are written during a cocaine binge in a dimly lit studio apartment.

Remember Teletubbies? Assuming you’re not 14 or Amish (maybe both?), you definitely do. The Teletubbies were an extremely popular kid show, but did anyone think they were normal? I mean, the entire show was pretty creepy – Giant baby things who can only speak about 7 words complete mind numbing daily tasks, and beg to repeat the process. I get repetitiveness is how young children learn, but this was out of control and an obvious sign they were trying to save money. The director could have removed his pants, mooned the audience, and revealed a tattoo saying “we have no budget” and it would have subtler. This doesn’t even begin to address the weird baby sun thing. Is that the audience, showing the sun is alive, or just nightmare fuel? And of course, let’s not even mention the tops of the Teletubbies’ heads. We’ll assume they’re just horns.

Dear God, I hope those are horns.

Even weirder than the Teletubbies was Maisy, a Nick Jr show that had an inappropriate gimmick. See, Maisy was a mouse who wore clothes, temporarily. Maisy loved getting naked. I mean, it happened on literally every episode. I remember this show being on when I was around an infant, and I felt uncomfortable. This is a great life lesson kids – take off your pants, and everything will be fine. I can’t recommend Maisy to a child, unless you want to raise strippers. I mean, it is steady pay for those with a liberal arts degree.

But today, we’re not here to focus on speculative wieners on characters heads, or filthy stripping mice. We’re here to discuss a show teaching our children all the wrong morals – Peppa Frigging Pig. Don’t think I don’t see what you’re doing. If anybody needed an example that the British still want to re-colonize the States look no further than this program.

We know. You’ve said it 300 times.

Now, you might be asking why on Earth am I, a childless 30-year-old, watching Peppa Pig? Because this is America! I can do what I want. If I want to watch Peppa Pig Marathons, I will damn it.

Ok, seriously, it’s because Megan and I both have younger cousins. I think before Peppa Pig fatigue began to set in, this was the shows toddler’s picked. I imagine the young ones would gather around the milk cooler in preschool to talk about the episode, like adults do with Game of Thrones. Now, Peppa has been supplanted by Paw Patrol, at least based on the 2017 Christmas lists I saw. I mean, a show about cute, heroic pups? How could it not sell? I say good. The less exposure our young have to Peppa Pig and her hateful ways, the better.

The first critique I ever heard of Peppa Pig came from my cousin, a father of two, who wasn’t thrilled with the show. He argued that the father, Daddy Pig (real original name) was always shown in a poor light. He was a bumbling fool that no other character respected. I thought that was the ravings of a man who was lacking sleep or drinking a few too many lagers (probably both). I had trouble believing they’d have any children’s show focusing on disrespecting an elder. This was before I actually watched an episode.

I caught several marathons of Peppa Pig while helping Megan babysit her two younger cousins, now 3 and 1. They love Peppa Pig, and even have a stuffed Peppa doll they often play with. Naturally, when you’re watching children, you slowly get sucked into these shows, whether you want to or not. It’s like hypnosis, which explains why children stop running around and stare directly at the screen when these characters are on. Maybe the FCC should be looking into this instead of taking away our internet.

As I was powerless to look away, I watched episode after episode of the program while assisting in getting the girls to go to sleep. Surprisingly, my cousin had been spot on. Daddy Pig is portrayed as an utter buffoon and unlikeable parent. He wasn’t suited to construct a sandwich, let alone raise two children. My reaction was swift and obvious – I needed to go to Twitter and Google immediately.

To my surprise, there’s actually a small movement of parents against Peppa Pig. The reason? Fat Shaming. No, I’m not kidding. Google it if you’d like, but I’m not giving free views to other blogs. The movement suggests that Peppa mocks her father for being fat and isn’t being sensitive to the overweight members of society. Parents have gone as far to ban Peppa Pig from their house. Now, this sounds a bit absurd. I mean, are we worried that a couple referenced to weight are going to turn our kids to bullies and monsters?

To be fair, as I dug deeper into the show’s complexities, fat shaming is the least of our problems. Peppa isn’t just a weighist – The entire show is built to bring down men to a pitiful, comical level. This show digs at adult men through Daddy Pig, and the picture it paints is hideous. Speaking of hideous, let’s have a look at old Poppa Pig.

He wasn’t beaten with an ugly stick, but rather the ugly tree.

This is not the Brad Pitt of Pigs to say the least. Not only is Daddy Pig overweight, he’s basically just a giant circle. I get it, he’s a pig, but they could have at least pretended to give a little effort in his design. Do the 5 year olds draw the show as well as watch it?

More alarming is what I assume is a goatee on Daddy Pig’s face. Those are pubes. His beard is ten pubes that happened to reach his face. They didn’t even bother to design it in a circle. They gave the poor guy a pube beard and it has bald patches. No wonder nobody in the house respects the guy. Lastly, his glasses don’t even make sense. The design is so poor, they didn’t consider his ears are at the top of his head, and the snout suspends any believe that this show isn’t hastily put together before airing. Seriously, if 5 year olds draw this show, I’m not trying to bash them, but if I’m adult produced this artwork and gets paid for it, I’m in the wrong business. I’ve seen piles of cat vomit with more integrity than this.

Design issues aside, I suppose for being in his 40s, Daddy Pig doesn’t look so bad, especially factoring in the other characters’ appearance. And hey, at least his weird spotty pube beard isn’t grey. This is a virile middle-aged man who…Wait, what’s that? His age is posted on the Peppa Pig Wikipedia page? Why is there a Peppa Pig Wikipedia page? Kids shouldn’t be using the internet, especially with psychotic bloggers out there bashing their favorite shows. Ah well, let’s see if he’s cracking 50 on now.

I threw up in my mouth

He’s 30?! But I’m 30. Is that what we all look like? Ladies, I can’t imagine how you deal with dating the opposite sex.

Also, before we move on, I’d like to point out even the Wiki page gave Daddy Pig no credit. His residence is listed as Peppa’s Pig house. The man brought the damn house and you’re crediting it to Peppa? Well, I’m sure things will be looking up for the father as we discuss his character*.

One of Daddy Pig’s defining traits is being stubborn. Usually, stubbornness is synonymous with being dumb, so that’s no shock. Peppa loves to mock her father being out of shape. But does Daddy Pig use these cruel, bullying words as motivation? No, instead he does the worst thing he can possible do, deny everything. Poppa Pig says that he’s in great shape and his big belly is all muscle. Now, I understand most pigs are going to be fat. Let’s face it, we wouldn’t be eating bacon if pigs were lean and svelte. However, I think we could reel this back for a kid’s show. Instead, Daddy Pig can’t touch his toes. But even worse, he feels the need to tell his daughter he’s build like a brick house. The poor man has been bullied by his selfish daughter so much that he needs to lie to himself to get through the days. He probably pulls out a flask when Peppa leaves the room, happy at her evil words.

And not for nothing, Peppa isn’t exactly the peak of physical fitness. She’s a pig too, after all, so she’s not winning any beauty contests.  Maybe you shouldn’t throw so many stones in a glass house, you ungrateful little shit. Daddy Pig should step up his parenting game and ban you from sweets AND puddle jumping. That will show you whose house it really is. I bet Peppa editing the Wikipedia page. Who’s monitoring the internet usage in this household?

An entire episode was scripted around Daddy Pig’s forgetfulness. Poor Daddy Pig wanted his glasses, presumably blind without them and couldn’t find them. He seems like the pathetic type who loses glasses every single day. As the episode goes on, Poppa Pig continues to grow more and more angry. They portray him as a short-tempered, forgetful hot head. How does this particular episode end? He had sat on his glasses. That’s right, his lost his eye wear due to his own ass. Off camera, Peppa probably called him a moron and taunted him with fresh cookies the father couldn’t find. How could a character ever recover from such a terrible showing? Well, a decent writing staff might be able to, but not Peppa Pig’s. Instead they highlight these character flaws regularly, digging the character further into his grave.

Worst of all is how dumb Daddy Pig comes off. In nearly every episode, he seems like a complete nincompoop. It’s amazing he knows how to put on his glasses when he’s not crushing them. In the episode Holiday, the British word for vacation because this show needs to be even more pretentious, Daddy Pig is pulled over repeatedly by a police officer. Every time, he makes a terrible excuse about not understanding the rules of the road. The reason he’s being pulled over? The officer wants to give Peppa her Teddy Bear that she left behind in various locations. Does anybody get on Peppa’s case for being forgetful? No, of course not. She’s just being Peppa. Instead, the focus is on Daddy being a buffoon for trying to get out of a non existent ticket. Excuse him for trying to save the family some money. Maybe he should have bribed the officer with the damn Teddy Bear.

While Daddy Pig is shown to be a bumbling fool, Momma Pig is the exact opposite. Everything she does is well thought out, respectful and authoritative. She is the parents the kids respect. Daddy Pig never has a prayer to compare to Momma Pig. He is already branded as the joke character. And that’s a problem. If the roles were reversed, Feminists would walk to the studio with torches in hand and burn the bejesus out of the writing staff. The showrunner would be hung upside by his balls and forced to apologize to girls everywhere. Peppa Pig would be banned in most households, and kids would have to turn to shows like Maisy. Basically, we’d have a country of nudists. Let’s hope they look less like Daddy Pig.

Shows like the Simpsons and Family Guy have used the “dumb husband” trope for decades now. It’s an easy character type, but it’s far different from what happens on Peppa Pig. Homer may be an idiot, but he’s also a caring father and husband. Peter is beyond an idiot, but before the show went off the rails, he too, cared about his kids. The bigger difference is these shows target a larger audience, one whose perceptions about their own parents are set. The Simpsons never willed someone to see their father as being dumb; it was just entertainment.

Peppa Pig isn’t just entertainment. It is watched by children in their formative years. This is where many kids will come to conclusions that will shape their lives. They are completely impressionable; in many ways, they are a blank canvas. Seeing Daddy Pig as a bumbling fool, especially compared to Momma Pig,  could actually have an effect on the kids. They should see a strong, well-meaning father, but that’s not the mission of kid’s programming. You’re lucky if you complete sentences on these shows. Instead of a role model, you see Daddy Pig get angry at losing his glasses, act delusional about his weight, and seem like an altogether dumbass.

Personally, I don’t even think Peppa is one of the most memorable animated Pigs. Certainly, she’s not Porky Pig. Hell, she’s not even knock off Porky, AKA Hampton Pig from Tiny Toons. Peppa doesn’t deserve to hold the door open for the greatest animated Pig of all, Hamm of Toy Story fame.

Now that’s a pig

Hamm was clever, charming, funny, and you know he always had money on him. What more could you ask? He ribbed Mr. Potato Head and the others, but he was never cruel. This is the cartoon pig our children need. What does Peppa bring to the table? Teaching our kids that getting their clothes muddy is rewarding? Wearing the same outfit every day is perfectly acceptable? She’s teaching our children to go ahead and listen to mommy, because daddy is a fat jerk who can’t tell you what to do.

Men, if you aren’t motivated do complete some crunches and pay attention to your sons and daughters, I’ve failed and Peppa won. Do you want Peppa to win? Remember parents, you have the choice. You can have your young, impressionable children watch good, wholesome shows like Mickey Mouse, Paw Patrol, Ducktales or Darkwing Duck.** Or you can choose a selfish, fat shaming man hater in Peppa Pig. Remember this when you flip on Saturday morning cartoons, and let’s show Peppa we stand up to bullies.

Do it, or else I’ll beat you up.

*Spoilers – No, no it is not.

**Let me have this people.