The Definitive Nickelodeon All Star Brawl Roster or Is Pierre Escargot Top Tier?

Few games have the pull and longevity as Smash Brothers. What started as a scrappy, hastily put together Nintendo 64 game has become one of gaming’s premiere franchises. Over the years, Smash has had many iterations, ranging from casual party game, a tournament style fighter, a Nintendo celebration and now, a mash up of every video game franchise. Nearly every impactful video game character, Nintendo or otherwise, appear in Smash. Plenty of Smash clones have appeared over the years, but most failed. This week, Nickelodeon of all companies, threw their hat into the ring with their new game – Nickelodeon All Star Brawl.

There’s been plenty of other platform fighting games like Smash, but none can match the polish and fun of the OG. Does anybody remember when PlayStation tried to do this? Of course you don’t. The PlayStation version was the digital equivalent of shitting on somebody’s breakfast. Not only did the game itself suck, the roster was horrific. PlayStation’s dirty secret is they don’t have very memorable original characters. They even failed to secure Crash Bandicoot. Their best character, Snake, is about the 30th most recognizable name in Smash. Sucks to suck PlayStation.

Over the years, I think this is what separates Smash from really any other game, fighter or otherwise. Not only does it have simplistic, yet highly technical game play, the roster is fantastic. Nintendo has the most memorable video game characters, and even their niche picks have fans. I mean, people wanted a playable Waluigi, apparently. Look at this abomination.

The most recent iterations of Smash go beyond classics like Mario, Link, Bowser and Donkey Kong. Rival companies practically beg to get their characters in the game. Where else can you see Cloud Strife duke it out versus Sonic the Hedgehog, Ryu from Street Fighter, and the frigging Ice Climbers? You can destroy Sephiroth with Duck Hunt Dog, like an adult would. It’s also the game that brought Banjo Kazooie back to a Nintendo platform. They should have been in Smash 64 for Christ sake! 22 years late is better than never I suppose.

I understand why other companies try to make a platform fighter like Smash. The gameplay is addicting and the genre is incredibly popular. The problem is even if a company could duplicate, or hell, improve Smash’s gameplay, it wouldn’t matter. The roster would never compare to Nintendo’s. I mean, only one platform fighter can have King Dedede.

Last week, a new challenger appeared – Nickelodeon All Star Brawl. On paper, this seems like a cash grab, copying the popular Smash format with recognizable characters. Games like this are a dime a dozen. I can’t stress how bad the Playstation game was. Cartoon Network also tried and created an unplayable mess. Nickelodeon isn’t known for producing high quality video games. Hell, you can argue that barely make quality shows anymore.

Over the past few months, there’s been steady buzz about this game. By all accounts, the develops have created a really dynamic combat system. Ironically, this is the first Smash Clone that tried to, you know, make a solid fighting engine. What a concept! While I’m admit graphically the game doesn’t look spectacular, not every company has Nintendo money. I’ve only seen videos, but the game itself seems to run smooth and play well. See for yourself.

Nickelodeon All-Star Brawl – Official Launch Trailer – YouTube

The second, and probably most intriguing point in Nickelodeon’s corner, is their functional online. Now again, I can’t confirm how the game plays online personally, but the developers stressed the importance of online play. For any fighting games, every frame matters. Smooth online play is the key for any successful multiple game, but especially a fighter.

Ironically, the secret Achilles’ heel of Smash, and Nintendo games in general, is rudimentary online play. I believe Nintendo develops the best games of any company, but my God do their servers suck. I rarely play Smash online because, for starters, I kind of suck and hate losing. But, I also don’t play online much because their constant slow down, dropped frames, and lag. That’s a big downer for fighting games. If Nickelodeon’s offering can perfect the net code, they might have something.

Of course, they don’t have the roster to compete with Smash… or do they?

No, no they don’t. Again, I cannot stress enough how incredibly large, diverse, and perfect the Smash roster is. Still, Nickelodeon has many memorial characters and shows, and over 30 years of content to draw from. Despite it’s critical acclaim, PlayStation’s few good original characters all ended up moving to other platforms. While Cartoon Network has a diverse collection of characters, they focused on creating glitches instead of gameplay mechanics. If the gameplay is polished, there’s a chance Nickelodeon can carve a niche in the fighting game market. Being the #2 platform fighter is still pretty good, and with name recognition, this could grow into something.

While the game only dropped with 20 characters, I’m sure they had a good base of all our memorable Nicktoon characters. The formula is simple – make a roster mixing current characters and nostalgia driven 90s reps. You have gamers of all ages interested. Let’s take a look at the character roster and I’m sure we’ll all be happy.

What the hell is this disaster? My god, this was a slam dunk and somehow, Nickelodeon All Star Brawl only hit the backboard.

This roster fails to represent classic Nick Shows and some of the picks are just, odd. I appreciate that Powder Toast man made the game, but before Rocko? Why are two of the Ninja Turtles and April O’ Neil in the game? And where the hell are the Angry Beavers? I mean, they fight in their intro! And they’re so angry! That’s perfect for a fighting game.

Seeing this roster feels like a missed opportunity. We were so close to a cool, new Smash like fighter. I mean, Smash just revealed that Sora will be their final playable character. Nintendo fans got something called a Lincoln Loud. Not quite the same level. Without a boosted roster, this game might not get off the ground, unless the kids really want to play as Oblina.

All is not lost though. It just so happens that Bloggin Hood is close, personal friends with Melvin Nickelodeon. You know, the founder and creator of Nickelodeon. Don’t bother googling it, because it’s all true and that’s definitely the guy’s name.

I called up my boy Melvin and told him this roster sucks. He practically begged me to come up with a new roster. I agreed, with the demand that Darkwing Duck be added to the game. Then, we had an hour argument about licensing. I told him to just let the lawyers handle it but apparently that’s “illegal” and “immoral”. Sounds like some bullshit excuses to me. Nevertheless, I agreed to pitch a new, better roster than the released game. I can’t promise this will be the ultimate roster for Nickelodeon All Star Brawl 2 – The Reckoning, but you never know.

Rules

1. Cartoons Only: If I could choose any Nickelodeon characters, Keenan and Kel would be the first and second characters on the roster. Unfortunately, it doesn’t work that way. The game specified that all characters were Toons, and not humans. That’s a true bummer. Remember when Melee had Pichu and Dr Mario? My roster would have had Kel, Ed from Good Burger and Repair Man (man man man). I can’t even sneak in Pierre Escargot as the final unlockable character. It sucks, but it’s a Nicktoon fighting game. I will begrudgingly respect this.

2. Represent as many series as possible.

This seems obvious, but it’s easy to take a ton of characters from a few shows. Spongebob could probably have six characters on their own, but that’s oversaturation. If the goal is to celebrate Nickelodeon, different shows and eras need to be represented. That even includes… current era shows. Yuck. Unfortunately for whoever Lincoln Loud is, he was not included on my roster. I’ll admit, Melvin probably won’t accept that, but hey, I think my pitch is better.

3. Characters must make sense for a fighting game

Rugrats was Nick’s biggest show for a long time, and outside of Spongebob, remains in the top two or three. Hell, it’s being rebooted as we speak. However, there’s no Rugrats babies in the game. That’s because punching and kicking babies in frowned upon. Sure, there’s other children in the game (like this annoying little shit Lincoln), but at least they make more sense. Tommy Pickles wouldn’t hold his own in a fight. I think the Reptar inclusion was perfect. It represents Rugrats, provides a unique character, and avoids horrific lawsuits.

4. The roster size is 26 characters.

I know, 26 sounds weird, but that as the roster for Smash Brothers Melee, the true breakout game of the franchise. The original smash had 12 characters. I’ll be honest, a 12 character roster wouldn’t sell today. Also, I couldn’t dream of making a 12 character list. Just narrowing it to 26 was hard enough. Fortunately, I used a few underhanded tricks to sneak more characters into the roster without increasing the total. Thank god Catdog is one entity.

Did you Know the Turtles are Nicktoons?

This really surprised me. My plan was to focus on strictly Nickelodeon originals. The turtles existed before Nickelodeon and the old cartoons were on different channels. My assumption was Nickelodeon grabbed the rights to show new cartoons, and added them to the game. I’ll admit, having actual fighters in a fighting game makes sense. I still don’t get why April O Neil is in but Rafael and Donatello are not, but sure, go nuts. This is exactly why Melvin needs me.

In my research, the Turtles have had not one, but two cartoons branded as Nicktoons. I don’t consider them true Nickelodeon characters, but I can’t deny the resume. While I wouldn’t include them in my Nicktoon roster, I will for the proposed roster. To make up for it, I’ll include the next four in if the Turtles did not count. It’s like March Madness, but somehow more nerdy.

Also, spoilers, I will not be including April. No offense to her. I think she’s a super unique addition. But there’s too few roster spots and if we’re having one Ninja turtle, we damn sure will have all four.

Did You Know Garfield is a Nicktoon?

Yeah, this one makes even less sense. Garfield is a comic strip character, and his original cartoon was on stardard TV (not even cable). I did see he will have a new cartoon under the Nicktooon banner, so he does qualify. In fact, Garfield is likely going to be released as DLC for the real game. Not a character who I’d expect.

While he’s a likely inclusion, I did not include him in my roster. The Turtles at least had multiple cartoons and make sense for a fighting game. Garfield does not. Don’t misunderstand, I think he could be fun. I actually loved Garfield as a kid. But I can’t picture him as a Nicktoon, and unlike the Turtles, he is not, in fact, a ninja. What weapon could he wield? A lasagna pan? Hating Mondays?

I’ll leave that to the professionals who are currently programming him. Good luck, and Godspeed.

Without further ado, here’s the definitive 26 character roster.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (4)

This was the hardest one, so let’s get it out of the way first. In my opinion, you either have to add all the Turtles, or add none of them. I really don’t understand why the actual game decided to include two of the four, especially since Rafael is clearly the best Turtle. To truly represent the Turtles, you also needed Shredder, who I excluded. It sucks, but this is a Nickelodeon game. We have no choice if we want any diversity.

April O’Neil, who’s a lovely character, did not make this roster. I love the originality, but if I’m making a fighting game, I’ll pick the fighters as opposed to the reporter. No offense April. You can be early DLC with Shredder.

Leonardo – I would make Leonardo the all rounder character. Every fighting game has a character that’s good at everything, but excels at nothing. This sounds over powered, but usually isn’t all that great. Give Leonardo a projectile, an uppercut with his swords, and a dash attack that covers the screen, and he’s all set. I imagine the rest of his moves will revolve around sword attacks. Typically, sword attacks are commonplace in fighting games, but on this roster, Leo is the only sword fighter.

Rafael – Traditionally the best fighter on the team, Rafael being excluded is offensive. His fighting style would be tough to translate into a platform fighter, but I’d make him a speedy, aggressive fighter. He would have to attack at close range, and have plenty of momentum based attacks to keep the pressure on the opponent. He’d struggle at distance, but his specials would allow him to get back to close range. I picture a fast, low damage fighter, who combos easily.

Michelangelo – I have no idea how Mikey plays in All Star Brawl, but I think he should fight at a medium distance. His nunchucks give him distance on his attacks, but still leave him weak to projectile fighters. I’d have Michelangelo’s nunchucks trip opponents, as well as tie them up for additional combos. I’d also include “extreme” attacks. Michelangelo is the prototypical late 80s-90s character. He’d need attacks with a skateboard and a boombox, referenced the old NES and arcade game. It he doesn’t say Cowabunga, cancel the frigging game.

Donatello – Most people consider Donatello boring, but his staff creates unique game play options. He can use the staff to launch himself for attacks, or plant it and attack off of it. The staff can be left behind so Don can run without it, and use it for specific attacks. I picture him planting it along the edge of the stage and using it as a springboard. There’s a ton Don can do.

Spongebob Squarepants (4)

If the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles get four roster spots, Spongebob deserves four as well. This is the most successful Nickelodeon show of all time. The only rival is Rugrats, but Spongebob has longevity, and the meme potential. The most difficult part was deciding between Sandy, Squidward and Mr. Krabs for the last two spots. Ultimately, I left Mr. Krabs out as he’s more of a secondary character. Personally, he’d have been my third choice, but I’d trying to appeal to the masses.

Spongebob– Imagine a Nickelodeon fighter without Spongebob. It’s like having a wedding without Mini Hot Dogs. Savages.

I would have Spongebob use both his jelly fish catching net and his spatula. He should attack with Krabby patties and use his absorbent, sponge body as a counter attack. Spongebob would be an all around character, leaning toward speedy, but lightweight.

Patrick – Patrick should be the true heavy character of the game, focusing on grab attacks. Few characters in platform fighters are grapplers, but Patrick feels like one. He could also attack with infamous references to the show, namely a trophy, a nail and plank and a 3 AM Krabby patty. Patrick should be slow, but heavy fighter who can dish out punishment while taking it.

Sandy – Would Sandy need her suit if the game takes place out of water? I guess if it does, Patrick and Spongebob would instantly die, so that’s a bad question. Stage selection would be the most important decision of all time. “Sorry Helga. This match is at the Krusty Krab so you drown”.

As an action girl, Sandy would focus on her Karate. She could also have a lasso and be a fast character with surprising power. As a trade off, she’d be one of the lighter characters in the game. That suit is more for looks than functionality.

Squidward – Outside of Helga, Squidward is the angriest fighter in the game. I’m surprised he’s not in the base game, but we’ll correct that here. Squidward wields his clarinet for multiple attacks, but also fights with his tentacles, canned bread and disdain for the cast. His physical attacks should have disjointed hit boxes since, you know, tenticles are long. I’d want as many references to the Bubble Bowl as possible.

Hey Arnold (2)

Somehow, Arnold himself is not in the base game of Nickelodeon All Star Brawl. How are we missing the main character? Sure, maybe Arnold isn’t a fighter, but Spongebob isn’t famous for his combat skills. Put the main character in the name Nickelodeon. Don’t be stupid. There’s plenty of ways to give Arnold a credible moveset. Besides, Helga won’t be able to fight well if her beloved Football Head is missing.

I was tempted to add Curly to the roster. Curly is one of the most deranged characters in cartoon history. Unfortunately, being a psychopath isn’t quite enough.

Arnold – To me, Arnold’s moveset is straight forward. He can reference all the sports the neighborhood kids in the series play. This gives him a baseball bat and multiple projectiles. Smash has created full movesets with less. He can also use the world’s largest pizza puff, throw a pie from the pie eating contest, and summon Abner to attack. If all else fails, a headbutt from old football head should provide plenty of Knock outs.

Helga – Helga should be one of the more powerful fighters in the game. I would think her smash attacks (or equivalent) would rack up early knock outs. As a trade off, they would be slow. She should attack with her locket, and have a counter attack mirroring her punches to Brainy. Helga would struggle taking damage, and fly off the stage easily.

Angry Beavers (2)

Look, I get it. Maybe kids today don’t care about Angry Beavers. If so, kids just don’t know any better. Or, maybe they’re just stupid.

Up All Night and Beaver Fever are two of the best animated episodes of all time. This more than enough to justify two roster spots. Sure, I could have combined them into one. But that’s a disservice to one of the few Nicktoons that features fighting in their intro. I wanted to add Stump, but the moveset would have been tough. Also, he’s a tree stump.

Norbert – As the more cerebral beaver, Norbert should have other characters appear in his attacks. At the very least, he needs moves referencing Beary and Stump. I picture moves around logs and using his claws like the intro. Norbert was the smarter of the two beavers, and his moveset should reference that.

Daggett – While Daggett deserves his own character, some of his attacks should reference Muscular Beaver, if only to separate himself from Norbert. He should still have claw and log attacks, but most importantly, Daggett needs to have impressive durability. Daggett undergoes incredible punishment in each episode, so he should have the highest survivability in the game. That little beaver is a tank.

Avatar: The Last Airbender (1)

I’ve never seen this show, or thankfully, the movie. Still, this was one of Nickelodeon’s more successful shows, and often gets high praise. Plus, and this is a really key point, they actually fought on The Last Airbender. That should be all you need. Avatar probably deserves more than one rep, but I don’t know a single character from the show, and how can we exclude both Angry Beavers? I know what the people want.

Aang – The main character of the series is the obvious choice. As the series’ title implies, Aang uses wind for his attacks, which seems fairly unique for fighting games. I can’t think of a single smash character that using air. Well, unless you don’t count all the characters that have wings… or can float… or can double jump… which is every character. Hmm. Let’s try that again.

Aang is unique that he using air offensively (there we go). I imagine he would dominate aerial combat and have a mix of powerful projectiles and insane recovery. Of course, this is complete speculation as I never saw an episode of the show. I’m picturing a special where he conjures up a bad ass tornado. If I found out that his air bending is just being able to breathe really hard, he’s out for Stump.

The Legend of Korra (1)

I haven’t seen this show either, as I am an uncultured swine. This is the spiriual successor of Avatar, or maybe it’s a direct sequel. What, am I supposed to know the source material of the shows for this blog? I thought this was America!

Again, The title character will be the only representative, but she seems like the logical choice.

Korra – In my seconds of research, I learned Korra controls water. This is another underused element on fighting games. I can imagine all sorts of waterfalls, water jets and probably fluid martial arts combos. This should also make her a hard counter to any Spongebob character who thinks fighting underwater will give an advantage. Serves you right for trying to drown Helga earlier, Squidward.

Doug (1)

I can’t think of Doug without getting the theme song stuck in my head. It wasn’t that good, but it’s forever implanted in there. Admit it, you’re humming it right now. I would type it out, but writing it reads exactly like Baby Shark, and we don’t need that in our lives.

Doug only gets one character, and I’m very surprised he’s not represented in the current game. Part of the issue could be that Disney took over Doug’s rights from Nickelodeon and produced truly awful episodes of a beloved series. Nice job Disney. I can see why Kingdom Hearts 3 had such a good plot.

I’m not sure how realistic Doug is with Disney involved, but Sora got in Smash, so anything is possible… You know, when you have a limitless budget. But who the hell is gatekeeper frigging Doug?

Doug (Quail Man) – Doug himself would be extremely boring. Honestly, he was a pretty boring kid if not for the imagination. His middle name was frigging Yancy. That’s not winning a fight. However, his super hero personas could be fun. Quail Man is the most iconic, but maybe there could be costumes of Smash Adams, Race Canyon and WHA NA NA, Jack Bandit! I half picked Jack Bandit if only for the WHA NA NA. I’ll give this to Doug, there’s catchy tunes.

Quail Man’s abilities were harnessing the power of the quail. That’s probably still not that great in a fight, but through Doug’s imagination he’ll probably fight well. He could summon Quail Dog for an attack or two. Maybe Doug throws his journal or something. I’m starting to see why Doug isn’t in the base roster.

Screw it, keep him in. Doug works if you focus on the super hero daydreams and not Doug being an average 12 year old kid.

Rugrats (1)

Look, I tried. Rugrats is Nickelodeon’s first flagship show. In the 90s, Rugrats were huge, with only Spongebob really surpassing it. They deserve as much representation as the Turtles and Spongebob. At worse, they deserve three spots.

But here’s the dirty secret about Rugrats. You can’t really punch babies in the face. That’s frowned upon in society. I saw wish lists of characters containing Angelica. Here’s another dirty secret – punching a three year old isn’t much better.

Sure, it’s cartoon violence, but there’s a big difference in characters like Spongebob and even Lincoln Loud (who?) getting knocked off a stage and watching Tommy Pickles getting crushed by Leonardo’s swords. And I mean, it’s not like we’re picking the parents on the show. Yeah, people are just begging to play as Didi Pickles* ¹ . The other solution was using the All Grown up versions of the characters.

Yeah, we’re not going to do that** ².

Reptar – The current game provided the best solution so I’ll do the same. Reptar provides a Rugrat character that doesn’t lead to baby violence and also doesn’t suck. I mean, who wouldn’t want to play as cartoon Godzilla? Reptar would basically be like Bowser – extremely heavy and powerful, but slow. He’d need fire breathe, but should reference all of his products from the show. I remember candy bars and cereal, but I’m sure there’s a ton more.

Maybe instead of fire, he could spit out bowls of cereal and be a complete shill.

Ren and Stimpy (1)

I’m always surprised when Ren and Stimpy get into these Nickelodeon games. Sure, they are an important part of the channels history and one of their biggest show. But everybody knows these guys weren’t really for kids. I was really surprised that Ren and Stimpy got two characters in the game, including Powdered Toast Man. Unfortunately, we won’t be seeing super hero toast on my roster due to size limitations*** ³, but I love the off the wall addition.

Ren & Stimpy – I debated on splitting the pair into two characters, but having one allows for more character diversity, and fits the duo. I’ve seen bits and pieces of their moveset, and it’s how I pictured it. Ren beats Stimpy up a lot, and this actions cause damage to the opponents. They also have plenty of gross attacks and throws logs. Sure. In my version, maybe Powdered Toast Man can appear for a special move to round out their moveset.

Ahh! Real Monsters! (1)

This was a good call. Real Monsters would be an easy show to skip out, but adding Oblina gives a unique character. I would have debated which of the three main characters to include, but Krumm cannot punch without risking losing his eyes and Ickis doesn’t really do much. It was either Olbina or their teacher and nobody would pick the teacher.

Oblina – Oblina’s ability to shapeshift is key for her moveset. Otherwise, being a candy cane shaped entity limits the upside. She would obvious have scare tactics, and I think these could stun the enemy for a follow up. To complement the show, I think both Krumm and Ickis should appear for a couple of attacks. Krumm could use his stench and Ickis could grow huge and tank attacks. I have no idea how the real game uses Oblina, but there’s a lot of potential.

Invader Zim (1)

When I heard of Nickelodeon All Star Brawl, Invader Zim seemed like a shoo in. Thankfully he was. Zim rounded out my top five, after Keenan, Kel and multiple Beavers. I supposed one out of five isn’t bad (it’s terrible). This was a no brainer – a alien hell bent on conquering Earth. He’s obsessed with violence, which seems dark for a Nicktoon, but I mean, this show was really dark. Still, it works, somehow, and Zim is beloved, despite, again, being a violent, destructive alien.

Zim – Both Zim and his show were so over the top chaotic, the moveset potential was limitless. I did actually see how Zim played, and I wouldn’t change a thing. Zim walks around in his mech, spider legged suit for most of his attacks, but can summon Gir and has his lawn gnomes. He has his normal derange look and honestly, it’s perfect. There’s a lot of missing characters in the game, but Zim plays as he should.

Rocko’s Modern Life (1)

Here’s the problem with Nickelodeon fighting games – you have a wealth of characters who don’t fight. Rocko’s Modern Life is one of the best Nicktoons, but there’s nobody who’s actually a fighter. So far, there’s no representation in the real game, but we have to show love to an Australian Dingo.

Rocko – The only other credible option is Heffer, but I can’t pick against the main character, just like with Arnold and Helga. Do I have any idea how Rocko would fight? No, no I don’t. Typically, things happened to Rocko as opposed to Rocko causing any of the carnage. Maybe Rocko wouldn’t attack. Instead, he would be dodging various incidents referencing the show with each button press. Or maybe he would just get a generic moveset that features a bunch of references. I don’t know, I’m not a programmer.

Even still, Rocko should be in the game. You can’t have a Nickelodeon game without a Rocko rep.

Cat Dog (1)

I never enjoyed Catdog. Sure, I watched it, but I never actually enjoyed it. The show itself was just weird, not that funny, and gross. What sort of interspecies breeding experiment created this monstrosity? I mean, how did these guys go to the bathroom? You know what, hold that thought. I don’t want to know.

Was one of them the butt?

Still, as a character for this game, Catdog does make sense. They can only be one character, but you get two personalities and the potential for a good moveset.

Catdog – I would imagine Catdog would focus on attacking at both ends, so to speak. You’d have a lot of spinning, rolling coverage moves. I assume Cat would have a hairball projectile and Dog would attack up close. There would be plenty of cliché cat and dog attacks, but it’s somewhat unique since you get both of them. For some reason, I picture Catdog playing like the Ice Climbers from Smash due to their teether mechanic. The difference here is the teether is their body. Fantastic.

Seriously though, which one is the butt?

The Wild Thornberries (1)

This is another Nicktoon I never watched. Based on the intro of the show, I’d have picked Donny, the Tarzan rip off. He could have been a quick, speedy rush down fighter who was easy to knock out. But, I guess whenever you can pick a middle age, mustached red head with no fighting abilities, you have to.

Nigel was chosen because of memes. That’s literally it. People like his accent and thought this would be funny. That’s great, but Nickelodeon All Star Brawl doesn’t have voice acting. Kind of hurts the accent, doesn’t it? But, since I knew nothing of the series, I defaulted to the game’s choice. Maybe using Donny would have led to a Disney/Tarzan lawsuit.

Nigel Thornberry – The only way this character works is if Nigel’s attacks revolve around the animals he studies. Maybe his dash attack has him ride a rhino. Maybe he returns to the stage flying on an eagle. He could have alligators snap as opponents and summon Donny to rush down an enemy. That… would actually be kind of cool.

Of course, I read he plays like Jigglypuff, including having a Rest attack, so great. Sure glad I picked Nigel now. I knew I should have put in Beary and Stump.

Fairly Odd Parents (1)

This one feels incredibly obvious. I’m not sure how this series has been overlooked. There must be a Fairly Odd Parents character coming, right? The show ran for about 20 years. There was a jacked, walking German Stereotype named Jorgen Von Strangle that would work well. There’s also the Crimson Chin, played by Jay Leno (That’s on the nose). But let’s be honest, there’s only one character getting in.

Although the Crimson Chin makes sense if Powdered Toast Man made it. Why is a Nicktoon that aired for this long not in in a Nickelodeon fighting game? I must be missing some news.

Timmy Turner – So, I picture this character going one of two ways. The basic concept would be the same. All of Timmy’s attacks would be wishes granted by Cosmo and Wanda. That seems simple enough, and creates limitless moveset potential. Still, I feel like this character needs a weakness.

My first thought is Timmy carries the fishbowl that Cosmo and Wanda hide out in. The fishbowl can only take a couple of hits before in breaks. When it does, Timmy is without wishes for a short period and has to rely on basic attacks until it’s fixed. I like the concept, but to balance, he’d have to be overpowered at full strength.

The other option is to give him a magic meter and recharges over time. If he uses too many wishes, his fairies tire out. Timmy would have regular, weak attacks that consumed no magic. Using the character required rationing special moves.

Then again, I’ve suggested no other limitations on any other character, so maybe just have a magic based moveset and go nuts.

Jimmy Neutron (1)

This is another baffling omission. Did people not like Nicktoons between 2001 to now? I can’t say I ever watched, or had interest in Jimmy Neutron, but he seems like an auto pick. I mean, sure, the 3D animation is a turn off, and jarring compared to the rest of the cast, but you have to give them a rep.

Is it because his hair is stupid? I mean, his hair is really friggin stupid.

Jimmy Neutron – As a supposed boy genius, Jimmy’s moveset would involve a whole lot of fancy tech. I’m not sure if he’d be a Nicktoon version of Iron Man, or just use a whole bunch of gadgets. Honestly, it feels a bit like Zim, so the game designers would have to choose his moveset carefully. Then again, Smash has about 20 characters with swords that use counters, so a little overlap never kills a game.

Danny Phantom (1)

This show has a rap intro. It’s hip and relates to the youth!

I’ve seen a few episodes of Danny Phantom, and my biggest complaint is the concept. Danny’s father is a famous ghost hunter. In universe, we are led to believe ghosts are real, and he’s not completely incompetent. So why the hell doesn’t he realize there’s a ghost in their house? Seems like all the ghost detecting equipment would be going off every second Danny was in the house.

But, we’re not putting Poppa Phantom in the game. Danny might have an abysmal theme song, but he’s a super hero. That’ll work.

Danny Phantom – Now I don’t know all his abilities, but he shoots a plasma projectile, can turn intangible and has access to various ghost equipment that his father uses poorly. There’s a lot of potential here. He can also fly, but I’d limit that for game play balance. I assume he floats automatically, which seems necessary.

Kablam (1)

Every Platform fighter adds a head scratcher of a character. It’s an incomplete game without a weird, unexpected addition. Kablam is a forgotten show, but deserves representation. However, I don’t think the main hosts would work. Characters from Action League now would be too easy. No, we’re digging deep and using the best segment of the show.

Prometheus and Bob – Oh, oh that’s right. Forgot about these guys didn’t you? Welcome to the new dynamic duo, who probably won’t get a thing done, but damn it, they’re going to try.

The concept of the segments was Prometheus, an advanced alien, attempting to teach Bob, a caveman, how to do basic things. Often, these lessons failed. I imagine many attacks would have Prometheus try to teach Bob, and Bob screw up, leading to the opponents getting hurt. Prometheus would also lose his patience and lash out at the opponents. I could see him using a laser gun and even swinging the camera he records the lessons on as violently as possible.

Finally, the monkey, who often sabotaged the lessons, needs a role in causing havoc. Tell me this wouldn’t be a masterpiece moveset.

Would these be tough to pull off? Yes, obviously. But think of Duck Hunt Dog in Smash Brothers. Should that duo work together? Of course not, but they sure do. Prometheus and Bob would quickly become a fan favorite. Or maybe nobody would remember who these guys are and touch the characters. I prefer to be positive. I’m a sucker for duo characters so this is in my wheelhouse. I’m a P&B main on day one.

Next Four In

In a world where people come to their senses and realize that the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are not in fact Nicktoons, we have free roster spots. Much like March Madness, Bloggin Hood’s next four in are the character close to sweet rostered glory, but ultimately just missed. Keep in mind if this was a fighting tournament, all these characters would get stomped hard by Spongebob and Zim in the first round.

Rudy (Chalk Zone) – I’m not sure how many people remember this show but Rudy would be the perfect character for a platform fighter. With his magic chalk, Rudy could create near limitless objects for attacks. My personal favorite idea is to create portals where Snap (his main drawing) would pop in and out of. I think this would be one of the three most unique, original characters on the roster. It’s insane Rudy missed the cut.

But, a small part of me can’t help but think he’s basically Timmy Turner with chalk. I mean, isn’t having Fairy Godparents who grant wishes super similar to magical chalk that draws anything? The possibilities are endless with both, sure, but, somehow, I can’t help but think there’s overlap. Don’t get me wrong, the attacks would be different, but the archetype is the same.

And how many people are picking Rudy? His canonical last name was Tabootie. Come now, Nickelodeon. You can do better than that.

Still, the portal attack idea is one of the coolest attack concepts I can think of.

Reggie Rocket (Rocket Power) – Personally, I thought Rocket Power sucked. Nearly every character on the show was annoying. Out of the main four kids, only Reggie, the only girl, didn’t immediately make me groan on screen. Apparently, that’s enough for roster consideration.

I think games like this need to represent as many series as possible. Rocket Power probably deserves a rep, and Reggie could attack with the various sports equipment from the series. Of course, that’s my plan for Arnold as well. Between the two, there’s no question who’s superior. Still, Reggie could be passable since she played different sports and therefore uses different equipment. I’m somehow more ok with this overlap and the Rudy vs Timmy one.

Also, Reggie Rocket? Way better name than Rudy Tabootie.

Heffer (Rocko’s Modern Life) – Most Nicktoons are slim and fit. In fact, outside of Patrick, every single playable character is either muscular, in shape, a child, or an animal. Heffer brings some pounds, and honestly, fighting games need a bit of beef in them.**** ⁴ Heffer would provide a different play style. Like Rocko, I’m not sure exactly what his attacks would be, but I’d imagine there’d be a lot of body slams, tackles, and rushes.

Some would argue that Bighead should be the second Rocko rep. Others would ask how is Rocko getting two reps when I couldn’t think of a moveset for the main character. All of these are valid questions. Luckily, I’m just pitching a roster. Send all your complaints to the develops that I don’t know at all. They’ll be happy to hear your issues. be detailed!

Grandma “Pookie” Gertie (Hey Arnold) – Ok, here me out.

At first, I wanted to give the Rugrats a credible, non toddler second representative. Most of the adults on the show would decisively lose a fight to a milk carton, but Grandpa Lou Pickles had potential. Out of the adults, he had the most spunk. He also may have admitted to Tommy he was going to watch a porn movie in one episode, but that’s a different topic*****. ⁵

I thought this was the best option, but he’s not even the best Nicktoon’s grandfather. Why choose Lou Pickles when the superior Grandpa Phil was around? I could see Phil being a popular inclusion, after everyone finished scratching their head.

Of course, as I continued to think about it, Phil wasn’t even the best character option in his own marriage. Sure, I had to look up Gertie’s name, but she is the perfect rep. Every scene Gertie is in features a more absurd character complete with a costume. Take a frame from each of these scenes, and you have a full moveset. The more off the wall it is, the better. This is a Nickelodeon game; not a combat simulator.

Now sure, there’s been plenty of people wishing for Jenny, the robot from My Life as a Teenage Robot. Does a robotic super hero belong in a fighting game over a chemically imbalanced grandma? I mean, yes, but did Melvin Nickelodeon ask the majority of the internet to fix his fighting game roster? No, he asked me. Give the masses Pookie I say.

Other Options

Because I haven’t written enough words on the topic yet, here’s a couple final character ideas.

Mr. Krabs (Spongebob) – Personally, I would have put Mr Krabs over Squidward and Sandy, but I think Squid is far more likely and Sandy is in the game. Mr. Krabs would attack with his Big Meaty Claws and probably some big bags of money. He’d fight dirty, making him stand out from the rest of the cast. I mean, he defiled a grave for money; I don’t think he’d worry about breaking the rules if there’s a cash prize.

Plankton (Spongebob) – Nickelodeon All Star Brawl lacks villains. The roster above doesn’t include one. Somehow, the alien trying to destroy the earth doesn’t count. Plankton would provide the true Nickelodeon villain, with one small problem.

That was the problem… It was size.

For Plankton to work, he would need to be in some sort of suit or commanding a giant body guard. I feel like it cheapens the character, and makes his entire moveset devoid of references. Could it work? Sure. But at that point, just put in a different character.

Shedder (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)– I mean, yes, of course Shedder would work, but are we adding a fifth Ninja Turtles character to a Nickelodeon game? Don’t be silly. Now, somebody start coding in Grandpa Gertie, Prometheus and Bob, damn it!.

Cousin Skeeter (Cousin Skeeter)- While Cousin Skeeter was not a Nicktoon, the title character was a puppet on a live action show. That’s got to count for something, right? No, this would never work. I just wanted to bring up Cousin Skeeter as nobody thought about it in 15 years. That was a weird ass show, wasn’t it? Nobody noticed the one kid was a puppet? Not a lot of Mensa members in that series, huh?

Stoop Kid (Hey Arnold)- One of the few Nicktoons with fighting experience. Stoop Kid trades incredible damage and knockback for limited mobility. He’d also be limited to one stage – his stoop, until he experiences character growth. I imagine as soon as he’s knocked off the stoop in combat, he had free range. What a unique concept.

Also, did the stoop have plumbing? This is the second bathroom question i’ve had. Let’s wrap things up.

So there you have it. The definitive Nickelodeon All Star Brawl roster. Melvin, feel free to give me an advance for this. Now, all you’d have to do is design characters, create movesets, program over two dozen characters and playtest them all. I imagine the final copy of the game will be released in 2026, when everyone long since lost interest in the idea. You all can thank me anytime.

If you have character ideas, feel free to include them in the comments. Granted, this was the definitive roster, so I expect everyone will agree full heartedly, especially my man Melvin. Where’s my check at dude?

1. *Here’s a depressing fact. The parents in Rugrats are supposed to be in their early 30s. I’m older than Tommy Pickles’ parents. Do I look like those people? Boy, do I need a large, LARGE drink.
2. **All Grown Up was the most misleading title in the world. How is being 13 years old grown up? I didn’t know how plumbing worked at 13.
3. ***Somebody definitely took this sexually. We were talking about a Powdered Toast super hero.
4. ****I stood up and applauded myself with that pun. God I’m good at this shit.
5. *****That’s not even a joke. He told Tommy he was going to watch some movie involving Space Vixens, but said that was for later. Dude even pulled out the VHS.