Hot Dog – Sandwich, Sausage, or Stand alone? Or Welcome Back to 2015

We didn’t realize how good we had it in 2015. Back then, we didn’t have to worry about if we had enough toilet paper to get through the week. Our hands didn’t always smell like Purell and heavily scented hand soaps. We didn’t even have to wear masks the few times we left the house. Remember leaving the house? In fact, the biggest annoyance we had was the ridiculous question of “Is a hot dog a Sandwich?” I’d trade a stack of Charmin Ultra Soft to have my 2015 problems again.

For whatever reason, the internet exploded one day, question what exactly was a hot dog. Now, the question wasn’t the ingredients in a hot dog. That question would require going to some dark places, and learning things none of us want to. Instead, the internet was G rated (for this single instance) and asked if a hot dog on a bun was a sandwich, or something else.

People argued for weeks. I swear, social member participants were more engaged about hot dogs than they ever were with school. Everyone seems to have a opinion. And then, as quickly as the “Is a hot dog a Sandwich” craze came, it disappeared from our lives. Don’t think it was followed by peace; the next social media frenzy asked what color was a frigging dress. We should have deleted social media at this point, but here we are.

I had thought we moved pass this as a society, but I was wrong. This weekend, there was yet another debate between whether or not a hot dog was a sandwich between a few of my friends. I suppose people still talk about Game of Thrones too. It’s probably less than a dozen people but still.

Typically, Internet debates have no winner. Usually, they start with a premise, until one side gets offended. After five comments, insults are flung like chimpanzees armed with their own dung. Before the debate ends, there’s accusations of someone’s mother being a whore. It’s messy, messy stuff. The only winners of any internet debates are those who avoid them entirely. Normally, I’d let this slide, but I can’t avoid a topic that has a clear answer.

A hot dog is not a sandwich.

I should end the blog there. However, the internet has argued about this for at least half a decade. The debate’s existed significantly longer in society. I’m sure the first cavemen had the same argument soon after they invented fire. The caveman who argued in favor of Hot Dogs being sandwiches was voted out of the cave. His descendants would continue this history of idiocy by writing offensive Peppa Pig episodes.

For some, Bloggin Hood’s word is gold. For anyone who wasn’t sure how to classify a hot dog, my declaration should end any doubt. However, an extremely small percentage of the population does not take this blogs as gospel. These dregs on society are known as “weenies” in most circles, wearing the equivalent of a scarlet letter.

Except you know, it’s a W instead of an A here.

For these doubters, I’ll provide flawless evidence that a hot dog is without question not a sandwich. After we put this tired debate to rest, the site can return to it’s normal content… Which is exclusively content like this.

We better start before I question my life choices.

Definition

There’s no easier way to win this debate than with the actual definition. That’s right, we’re using facts right out of the gate. This is a historic first for Bloggin Hood.

Per the Merriam Webster Dictionary, a sandwich is:

Two or more slices of bread or a split roll having a filling in between.

Merriam Webster’s First Definition of Sandwich

So as you can see…Oh, oh dear.

Now, you can see the problem. According to the dictionary, a hot dog is a textbook sandwich. In fact, the dictionary is the textbook in the phrase “textbook example”. For many, this one small piece of evidence would rest their case. The pro hot dog is a sandwich crowd would celebrate in the street. They’d probably put a glob of ketchup, or even worse, mayo on their hot dog in celebration.

Then, they would argue that mayo is a premier condiment. You’d think people could only be so wrong but they always find a way to seep lower.

Fortunately, Bloggin Hood has never been one to accept information at face level. A further review of the additional definitions create some doubt. The second part of the definition above reads

One slice of bread covered with food.

Merriam Webster’s First Definition of Sandwich, part B

Now, open faced sandwiches certainly have the word sandwich in the name, but aren’t we already tilting the definition previously established? Does a sandwich have one slice of bread or two? Where does the line begin or end? Per this sentence, a slice of French Bread pizza is a sandwich. I don’t want to live in that world, and neither should you. Merriam-Webster decided to take the easy was out here, not giving anything but the vaguest definition.

Oh, but it gets worse, my friends. The second definition for sandwich states “Something resembling a sandwich”. Oh good. I couldn’t have come up with that information on my own. Thanks for this illuminating gem. Aren’t you not allowed to define a word with the very word you’re defining? The dictionary breaks its own rule. How could we possibly trust anything from this when sandwich is being defined as “Appearing kind of like a sandwich, I guess”.

Just in case you still have any faith in the dictionary, I checked the definition of the word literally. In recent times, people misuse this word more than any other. When you use the word literally, your description must have happened exactly as described. When a Tik Tok star uses the title of their latest smash hit “I literally laughed my ass off” the sentence means their ass disconnected from their body due to intense hilarity. I’m not a biologist, but I doubt that’s what happened.

However, the dictionary has given in to those who spit in the face of language. Inexcusably, the dictionary added an amendment to the word’s definition. A second definition states

In effect: Virtually – used in an exaggerated way to emphasize a statement or description this is not literally true or possible.

Merriam Webster’s Nonsensible Second Definition of Literally

Wow. There’s so many issues here, I nearly forgotten this was a blog about hot dogs.

Our American dictionary has now determined the word literally can be used figuratively. It again uses the word it is defining in the definition, and now has established a definition that is the antithesis of the word. Now, why exactly did I waste 3 paragraphs on an unrelated word.

It should be obvious. The dictionary has been compromised. No longer can we rely on the information as it’s both unhelpful, and quite honestly, contradictory to everything we know. The definition of literally is literally wrong. Therefore, there’s no reason to accept the given sandwich definition. Instead, we’ll have to use bullshit pseudo academic discussion to get to the bottom of this.

Bullshit Pseudo Academic Discussion.

Firstly, let’s all agree that a standard sandwich is two pieces of bread with filling in between. Whatever fills the bread doesn’t really matter. I don’t see why any combination of meat, cheeses or vegetables would alter this. If you want to construct a gross ass mayo, pickle and peanut butter sandwich, knock yourself out.* ¹

The bread however, is essential to the sandwich. While it doesn’t have to actually be slices of bread, it should come in two parts. The top and bottom sections should be easily identifiable, and can be established with bread slices, a divided roll, a bagel, and probably a hundred other things.

This is why a wrap is not a sandwich. There is no defined top of bottom. Instead, it falls into it’s own category. If anyone argues a wrap is a sandwich, it would mean a burrito is also one. Imagine thinking a burrito is a sandwich and remaining part of society.

Now, for the hot dog, it is in a split roll. While I did state before rolls can be sandwiches, a split roll is different. Here, we don’t have a clear top or bottom. The hot dog rests in the opening, basically on an edible plate. From here, you can add toppings to the hot dog, constructing as you see fit. In fact, I’d argue that a Split roll contains more similarities with a bread bowl than a sandwich. Think about it.

Don’t think too hard though.** ²

The one exception to the top and bottom layers creating a sandwich is the lettuce wrap. For those carb haters out there, people would substitute the carb of choice for a large lettuce leaf. Usually, this creates a lettuce wrap, and clearly disqualifies it from the discussion. However, if there is a top and bottom leaf, note I don’t believe this is a sandwich. I would argue this is a reconstructed salad. By simply removing the top leaf and adding to the bottom, you’ve made a salad.

This is really gripping concept.*** ³

The split roll rule would mean that most sausages are also not sandwiches when consumed this way. However, you can still have sausages on a sandwich, if it’s served on a hoagie roll, as the top and bottom of the bread are easily identifiable. Look at sausages being more versatile than it’s flimsier cousin. Way to go Midwest.

In order for a hot dog to qualify as a sandwich, it would need to be sliced and placed on more traditional bread. This would be extremely weird. Anyone caught doing this must seek psychiatric help immediately. The other option is to eat a hot dog whole on two slices of bread, which is somehow more disturbing. And don’t try using one piece of bread. If you do, you’re made a hot dog wrap. Congrats, everyone already hates it.

Man, what a knowledgeable section.

Please don’t just take my educated, well versed word for it though. My opinion is backed by credible Government agencies. I’m only half kidding.

Government Institutions

I can’t believe we’ve never thought of this before. For years, slobs like me have debated whether or not a hot dog was a sandwich. It turns out we were wasting are time. No, not because it’s a pointless topic. It’s because there’s an established council for this stuff. Perhaps I was late to the party, but while researching for this blog, I discovered the National Hot Dog and Sausage Council. You can access their webs site at HotDog.org. Wow, a .org site? That shit is official.

I linked to their etiquette page because if that’s a thing, you deserve to see it.

There’s way more information on this site than I ever imagined… or hoped. The members of the Hot Dog and Sausage council certainly take their job seriously. Some of the articles can benefit our every day life. Topics include:

• How sausage makes holiday celebrations special. I feel like the jokes right themselves there, so we’ll keep moving.
• Links to information on Hot Dog and Sausage facts, culture and history. I was just thinking a few days ago about the origin of the Bratwurst, and thankfully, hot-dog.org is here for me.
• How to properly eat a Chili Dog. This comes with both a video AND step by step write up. You can even download a brochure with the information. Where else can you get a brochure? The 70s?
• AND finally, and most importantly, a page dedicated to whether or not a hot dog being a sandwich.

The National Hot Dog and Sausage Council does not pull any punches with its statement. This quote appears early in their annoucement.

Limiting the hot dog’s significance by saying it’s ‘just a sandwich’ is like calling the Dalai Lama ‘just a guy’.

The National Hot Dog and Sausage Council

That’s a mic drop if I’ve ever read one. Clearly, the council doesn’t appreciate the sandwich level, and reiterates my belief that a hot dog is its own unique thing.

I have to say, the page and related links on the hot dog debate are really, out there. It makes most Bloggin Hood entries look like a Scholarly Newsletter. And sure, it might be extra, but this is the official National Hot Dog and Sausage Council. We have to take their word as they exist solely for this very, very specific reason. It also raises a bunch of questions.

Why the Hell is their a National Hot Dog and Sausage council? I don’t believe you can get a .org address without some credibility, but are we giving actual importance to this council? Most other countries consider Americans unhealthy, obese morons. Doesn’t the existence of this council only confirm the stereotype? We can’t agree on the effectiveness of masks, but hot dogs and sausage, now there’s a topic of significance.

Do the members of this council get paid? Is there some sort of vote to get a leadership position? As the readers know, Bloggin Hood has many strong opinions about the Mini Hot Dog, AKA nature’s perfect food. Is that enough to get placed on this council? I feel like it should be. My first order**** ⁴ would require all fast food restaurants to serve mini hot dogs. I’d be a national hero.

Other countries would think we were REALLY frigging fat and stupid.

I wonder if there’s a term limit to serving on the council so everyone gets a shot. Ehh, it’s probably stupidly corrupt. The old guard protects their seats like a hungry jackal, keeping fresh, new blood out of power positions. I bet they keep all the premium hot dog and sausages for themselves. I’m already angry, and I haven’t been elected yet.

You know, this alleged corruption raises one final point. Is there a monetary reason that the National Hot Dog and Sausage Council pushes this anti sandwich agenda so hard? I mean, by separating themselves from sandwiches, it makes their backed product more unique. I mean, you don’t see any blogs quoting some weak ass National Sandwich Council, do you?

It would be in their best interest to have hot dogs be their own thing. Hell, a hot dog is basically a sausage anyway, but even that remains distinct from it’s plumper brethren. Is this a play by Big Hot Dog to stand out from the crowd? Or, is Big Sausage keeping their less girthy cousin at a distance, making its plump, meaty product more desirable?***** ⁵.

Maybe the Council is manipulating the masses on products that are basically the same. My God. Have I stumbled across the great Hot Dog and Sausage Conspiracy? Somebody alert Colonel Sanders!

No, no that’s really frigging dumb. This council is made up of a bunch of people who wanted to drink beer and eat some hot dogs. Honestly, that’s a solid idea. If anybody would know how to define what a hot dog, it’s probably these people. I imagine they look like the Chicago dudes from SNL.

If, for some reason this reputable Council hasn’t convinced you, we’ll end our debate with quotes from other Hot dog experts.

Yes, of course that’s a thing.

Testimonials.

Listen, don’t take my very accurate word for it. The National Hot Dog and Sausage Council collected some quotes from very prominent people. While there was over two dozen quotes published, we’ll look at 5 significant ones.

Chefs

If somebody knows the differences in foods, it should be chefs. First, let’s check in on Rachel Ray, former Food Network superstar, and current pet food chef. Cody Cat approves most of her offerings, expect from the Chicken and Shrimp Pawttenesca. No, that’s a real name.

I think a hot dog is a hot dog. Unless I made a sandwich out of a bunch of chopped up hot dogs.

Rachel Ray

For some reason, the idea of chopped up hot dogs sounds like a school cafeteria dish. Unfortunately, so does Chicken Pawttenesca.

The late Anthony Bourdain did not mince words on his opinion.

The Bread is a delivery system, a ballistic delivery system. It is not a classic sandwich, in my view. If you were to [walk] into any vender of fine hot dogs, and ask for a hot dog sandwich, they would probably report you to the FBI.

Anthony Bourdain

Strong words from Mr. Bourdain. If I didn’t know better, I’d say he was a card carrying member of the National Hot Dog and Sausage Council.

Sports Personalities

Sports personalities were heavily quoted as well. You may not think they’d have any idea about the topic, but hot dogs are traditional ball park and stadium fair. Who better than athletes to make everyday life decisions. They’re in touch with the common man. After all, it’s typically common men who prepare their food on a daily basis. Let’s say what legendary Sports Center Anchor Scott van pelt has to say.

A Hot Dog is a hot dog. It is not a sandwich. What savage out there would suggest otherwise? How did this even become a thing… A hot dog is god only knows what squeezed into a tube and placed on a bun and it’s a delight.

Scott Van Pelt

Ok, I had a hunch about Bourdain, but I know SVP is a member of the council. If you’re reading this, put in a good word for me with the hot dog president. I have some legislature I’d like to pass.

We also have a quote from the Mets’ most blonde starting pitcher, Noah Syndergaard.

A hot dog is a hot dog…. A hot dog is it’s own category. It’s like a gyro.

Noah Syndergaard

Hold your horses Thor. We don’t have time to start another debate today.

Finally, we have former world Hot Dog eating champion, Takeru Kobayashi. Inexplicably, he was added to the Sports figure category. I eat 30 mini hot dogs at a wedding, and I’m a pariah. But this guy digs hot dog buns is water to shovel them in his gullet faster, and he’s an athlete.

Fine. In any event, his opinion should be the gold standard, even more than the likely Corrupt National Hot Dog and Sausage Council.

No! No. You have to have a lot of respect for hot dogs. It’s completely different. First of all, the hot dog is American. Sandwiches are not American. They’re different. Second of all, a hot dog is like a pop idol. Hot Dogs are cute. It’s a pop image – everyone knows what a hot dog is.

Takeru Kobayashi

Everyone might know what a hot dog is, but I have no idea what half of that mean. When were Sandwiches un-American? And the only hot dog that anyone ever thought was cute was a Dachshund.

We can’t end there. Let’s go without the current Hot Dog eating Champ, Joey Chestnut, who’s also labeled as an athlete.

You start considering a hot dog a sandwich and you’re like, ‘oh because there’s carbs around it,’ then you have to start, kinda, is a gyro a sandwich? ‘Cause that’s kinda like… no. You have to keep division.

Joey Chestnut

I’m stating to think competitive eaters aren’t built for public speaking. Also, what’s up with all the Gyro comparisons? I think Big Gyro might be in league with Big Sausage and Big Hot Dog. God help us if the National Ice Cream council joins in.

I don’t know what more you could need. Clearly, the great sandwich debate has been put to rest.

What’s that? You want a reasonable, non lunatic quote? Sorry friend, this isn’t the blog for you.

The hot dog is arguably the weirdest American staple. I mean, we don’t really know what’s in a hot dog itself. Sure, we have an idea, but do we really know what animal makes up a hot dog. Or for that matter, what animal parts? I bet those questions made you hungry, huh?

Honestly, I think the mystery is part of the argument. A hot dog isn’t a sandwich because it’s unlike any other sandwich. Even if you accept the split roll as a sandwich bread, the hot dog itself exists in it’s own universe. It’s a unique state of matter, somewhat like plasma, but more receptive to condiments.

If you really need to classify a hot dog as something else, isn’t it more of a taco. I mean, it’s packed in a bread shell, the meat is the bottom layer, and toppings cover it. Come to think of it…

No, no I don’t want to open up that door. Forget I said it. Next somebody will be arguing that a cupcake is a pie. Don’t do that. That’s stupid. Consider the words of Al Roker if you have any doubts.

It is not a sandwich.

Al Roker

Thanks Al. I’m glad the National Hot Dog and Sausage council published that deep insight.

Instead of being mad at the question, we should be mad at the damn council. They’re getting paid to make rulings on that. Man, I wish I could get on that gravy train. Maybe someday.

In the meantime, remember, a hot dog is not a sandwich. Please, please don’t ever ask this question again. And also, don’t put gravy on a hot dog. Have some dignity people.

This message has been a paid advertisement for the Bloggin Hood for National Hot Dog and Sausage Council Representative.

1. *As gross as this is, it’s way better than a Fillet O Fish
2. **By my own definitions, this means a hamburger is technically a sandwich. I never thought about it before, but I’m ok with this.
3. ***Would this make a Caesar salad a deconstructed sandwich? Hmm… I’m about two weeks of writer’s block away from tackling that topic. Stay tuned.
4. ****Other than a round of mini hot dogs of course
5. *****This is easily the most questionable sentence I’ve ever written, and we have 1,000 words to go.