GOT Review – Episode 6: A Golden Crown

Well, that sure got messy quickly, didn’t it?

Summary – King Robert throws a tantrum and then goes to hunt a boar. Ned discovers Cersei’s secret that most of us kind of knew since the first episode. Dany has a hearty snack. Robb finally gets to do something in the series. Tyrion’s life is put at stake in a trial by combat. Viserys has a golden colored accident.

Quote

“He was no dragon. Fire cannot kill a dragon” – Dany

I mean, she’s not wrong.

Dany states this when her brother dies via boiled gold poured on his head. This is not one of the leading causes of death in modern society, so have no fear. It was not a long death scene. I think he died upon impact. To be fair, I think most people should die on impact, but the Targaryens are a special breed.

Dany’s line has multiple meanings. The first is that she views herself as a dragon. During this scene, she watches her brother die, and doesn’t look away. She’s not afraid, nor does she have any reaction. Which is good, because Viserys was a giant asshole. She knows he was a pretender when it came to being a Targaryen ruler. Dany knows she is the one who needs to rule. It’s a huge difference from the shy, scared girl the series started with.

It also foreshadows the obvious birth of dragons, but this has been heavily hinted since the first episode. Dany cannot be burnt at all, while Viserys died from heat. There should be no question who the appropriate ruler is now.

What Worked:

Robert’s Last Stand –Ned wakes up in pain with Cersei and Robert Baratheon in his room. He gets mostly taunts from Cersei and is not in a good spot – at war with the Queen while he is the Hand of the King. That’s not ideal. However, Robert’s handling of Cersei is worse. Robert’s complete disrespect of Cercei and her family is kind of the exclamation point on his death. Robert slapping her shows he’s trying to be the tough guy, and even admits as such when Cercei lives. Even after this, he still supports the Lannisters and tells Ned to drop the war. He cannot lose their support. Without it, he is not a king.

You can feel this scene is Robert’s swan song. He admits he doesn’t love his brothers, but loves Ned like one. It’s an odd thing for Robert to say – he’s not one for affection. He also tells Ned they will talk in detail after the Hunt, which again is like a death sentence. Ned said it first, and now Robert does. It’s like asking to die.

During the hunting trip, You can hear Robert’s slurring. Renly can’t handle all of his ramblings about “making the 8” and takes off. Had Renly been there, I feel like he would have defended and helped stop the “accident”. Instead he continues to drink as Barristan Selmy looks on concerned. I don’t think he was in on the action, but the set up makes it seem like he was. Not a great send off to the king of Westeros.

Robb and Theon Vs the Wildings – Our first extended look at Robb shows two things – one, he has an understanding of Politics. Robb shoots down Theon trying to goad him into stating a fight against the Lannisters. Robb knows a Stark-Lannister war would cause chaos and destroy the continent. He’s smart enough to understand diplomacy instead of giving in to his anger.

This also shows how much of a warrior he is. Robb destroyed the Wildings. Like Jon, I’m not sure if he was this level of swordsman in the book, but at least he has a battle record to back this up. Unfortunately, Robb missed an opportunity of true justice, feinging a swipe at the Wilding holding Bran hostage. We could have been rid of Bran forever. Alas, Robb’s honor has hurt us here, and it won’t be the last time…

Of all people, Theon saves the day, though Robb believes it to be reckless (and it was). Leave it to Theon, who grows to be one of the most painful (hey now) characters on the show to watch to save the most boring. Still, it does show thoen has some uses beyond being an aggressive self hyping jackass. That’s like 50X better than more Bran.

 

Tyrion’s Confession – Firstly, Tyrion deserves a lot of credit for not losing his mind trying to explain a bribe to the guard. He must have tried 12 times and got smacked at least 25 times. Granted, he wasn’t in an advantageous position, but still, it was a crafty play in a situation where he shouldn’t have need to be crafty. It’s like explaining Smash Brothers to people who haven’t played Smash Brothers. Thankfully, there aren’t many of those types out there.

Tyrion obviously does not confess to the crimes he’s accused of. Instead he confesses to being a dwarf, and some minor incidents he did as a child. There were a lot of euphemisms for masturbation here. In fact, a bit too many. Most teenage boys probably felt great shame, and understanding.

Tyrion’s long game was to get a trial by combat, which is granted, but have Jaime be his champion. Jaime is considered the best knight in the 7 kingdoms, but we’ll discuss that later. When refused waiting for Jaime, he is able to get Bronn to fight him, mainly because Tyrion has a lot of gold.  Now, Tyrion kind of backdoored his way to Bronn, but the past few episodes, he’s made sure to get the Sellsword’s attention. I think he knew if Jaime wasn’t allowed, he’d have Bronn fight for him. He also saw Bronn during the scrimmage in the North during episode 5, so he felt confident he’d win. At least more confident than he would have fighting for himself.

The Trial by Combat Scene – I’m merely referring to the scene. I have more thoughts on the trial by combat concept in a moment.

Bronn fights just like his character, trolling his opponent with dodging in and out of the room’s fixtures and using them as distractions. One of the best additions to season one is his one liner on his victroy. When criticized for not fighting with honor, all Bronn responds with is “No, he did” after dropping his corpse down the moon door. It sure as Hell doesn’t make Bronn seem likeable, but he becomes one of the more beloved characters on the show, and he never really changes his ways. I wouldn’t say he’s as clever as Tyrion, or as cunning as Littlefinger, but he rises up from a sword for hire into a Lord and leader of the Lannister Army. That’s not bad.

Also, Bronn totally only fought for the money, but he becomes involved in one of the great bromances over the next 4 seasons.

I love that Tyrion pays the guard the gold as he said he would on the way out. He didn’t have to – he gotten his escape already. It shows there may be a honorable Lannister after all.

 

Viserys’ Crown –  We’ll touch on this in a bit, but let’s say it was well earned.

 

Bonus Discussion:

Trials by Combat – Can we talk about trial by combat? This is a bad system for trials. Had Tyrion gotten his wish and had Jaime Lannister as his champion, he never would have lost. You could go around pillaging and plundering and whenever you were captured for justice, you’d win the trail and go back to your evil deeds. Now, granted this only works if you’re a nobleman with a kick ass warrior relative or friend, but still, the odds are pretty high in your nobility.

On a potentially more serious note, I’m not sure how often trial by combats happen, but they typical pit fairly high level knights. Is it really in the kingdom’s best interest to risk their best fighters for things that a regular trial (WHICH THEY HAVE!) could solve? I remember reading something from the books, although I don’t remember if it was in the books proper, or just one of the side stories, saying they once had 7 on 7 trial by combats. I mean, why not just start a plague? It’s probably less messy.

For a series that puts faith in gods, and I mean plural because there’s like 9 different religions, maybe determining justice by putting the faith of lives in the hands of knights or sell swords is not ideal. I mean, neither is having secret bastard children as the next king of the realm, but you get the idea.

 

What Didn’t Work:

Bran Trying to do things – I mean, is following a Raven the most interesting thing you’re going to… Holy shit it’s got three eyes.

Oh, it was a dream. Awesome. Thank God he wasn’t interesting.

It is nice to see that Bran can ride though. As terrible the character is, it’s nice to see him happy. At least for a second. Then, of course this happiness leads to him getting robbed by wildings. Maybe he’s better off just chasing Ravens in his dreams around.

 

100 Foot Drop Prisons – Who designs prisons with 100+ foot drops? Like seriously? Why even have the prison if you just intend to kill the prisoners via rolling while asleep? If you’re going to hold them to get info/confessions/hostages, having such a design is completely ridiculous, even for this series. A huge thumbs down.

Also, this might explain why that guard was so dumb. You can’t be smart and feel safe being in that cell. Actually, this does make sense. It doesn’t take much to be a jail guard in the Game of Thrones world, is it? It pained Tyrion to call him a smart man. Actual, physical pain.

Eating a Horse Heart – Having to eat an entire horse heart does not seem like traditional queen rituals. Boy did Dany get a raw deal in the first season. And I don’t just mean the sex. Props to her for finishing that heart without puking. On the plus, the Khal’s love Dany, and Drogo shows her some real respect in this scene. You can feel Viserys’ resentment from the screen. That part is awesome. The heart eating itself, not for me.

Lord Robert – Good God does this kid need to be on the screen less. He’s described in the books as a sickly child but the show makes him seem more like a simpleton, probably because he’s still teething on his mom’s bosom… literally. The kid’s like 12 in the show. He keeps wanting to see people fly, which is the gentle way of saying “Please send somebody plunging to their death” and is just an all around nightmare. I get there’s a stigma against breastfeeding in public, and that’s probably wrong, but there’s definitely a stigma against breastfeeding in the tween years, and that’s right. Somebody shame Lysa. Maybe she should take a trip through the trap door and experience it for herself.

Wait a second… ehh, never mind.

 

Bringing the Mountain to Justice – Ned hears about the slaughters of the Mountain along the Tully’s land. Littlefinger makes sure to tell Ned that it seems like a calculated attack (it was very painfully obvious). Littlefinger is playing on Ned’s sense of justice to create even more conflict between the Starks and Lannisters, and Ned bites hard. It’s not his best moment, but he cannot let crimes go unpunished, especially if he can stick it to the family he’s basically at war with.

Beric Dondarrion is chosen to bring the Mountain to justice. This Beric will never be seen again. Not because he dies (he does, but he gets better… It’s complicated), but because he gets replaced by a different actor during his next appearance. For a show as big as Game of Thrones, they aren’t shy in recasting mid level characters. Maybe the writers didn’t realize Beric plays a semi important role in the story? Either way, it’s better than the 13 Mountains we’ll get.

All that aside, Ned takes things too far. He demands a raven sent to Tywin to bring the Mountain to justice or else the Lannisters will be considered an enemy of the crown. There’s no way the two families are going to find piece now. This is especially dumb with Ned at court, surrounding my Lannister man and loyalists. Only the king can protect him, and he is about to come down with a case of the deads. Poor play play, Stark.

Season 1 Sansa – Sansa is such a downer and a brat in season 1, it’s incredible how much she grows on the audience as the series goes. She is a complete jerk to her hand maiden. The Joffrey shows up and she can learn all about becoming a bigger and better bitch.

Joffrey gives Sansa a piece of jewelry, and asks for forgiveness. Sansa should have given him a kick in the teeth but chose not to and immediately accepts his words without questioning. I know he’s not full tyrant yet, but it’s close. Instead, Sansa is a teenager in love. You’re going to regret that awfully soon.

Remember this when he’s trying to rip off your clothes next season. Joffrey may have told the most lies in one scene than most characters have in the whole series. And everybody frigging lies in this series. Joffrey says he’ll show nothing but kindness to her forever. Did he name his sword kindness?

He… he didn’t name his sword kindness. That would have been an intriguing plot twist.

Character Discussion:

Viserys – Viserys is like the kid who got everything they wanted growing up. You know the ones, with an Xbox, Playstation and Nintendo. Nobody ever told them no. They believe they their bowels smell like vanilla and nothing can ever go wrong. They are the worst. Hopefully, anyone reading this isn’t one of those people. If you are, man, the remaining few paragraphs are going to be tough for you to handle.

Before we meet Viserys, all he’s been told is that he’s next in line to be king. When that’s all you know, you begin to believe it. It didn’t matter what handships they faced, or what reality there was, Viserys thought he was the rightful king. When other people whisper that in your ear, it tends to believed.

He had absolutely no idea how to treat people. Everyone is beneath him, so he treats everyone with contempt, especially his sister. When Dany start developing a backbone, he doesn’t know what to do. Look how many times he abused women in his, what, 10 scenes? I mean, that’s not a ratio to be proud of.

Once he realizes he’s not going to rule over the Dorthraki, and let’s be hoenst, he should have noticed that right away, he immediately tries to bail. But even the slightest resistance from Jorah stop shim in his tracks. But I mean, what was his end game with the dragon eggs? Sell them and end up somewhere else? Who’s taking the scrawny whiny guy with bad hair? He looks like Will Ferrell’s character from East Bound and Down.

Finally, his last scene, showing up drunk to taunt his sister armed in the Dorthraki sacred city is pretty telling of the character. What in the Hell did he think he can do against 50 well trained Dorthraki soliders, even if they promise not to shed blood in the city? They would drag him outside the city and skin him alive. They’d probably throw salt on the wounds. The Boltons would have frigging loved it.

He wasn’t clever, cunning, strong or brave. He didn’t have any positive qualities. Some characters are meant to be evil and rooted against, but at least they have something. Joffrey, Ramsay, Roose, Cersei – these characters range from evil to the devil incarnate, but they offer something. All Viserys offers is being a foil to his sister and utterly useless. Looking back, I get why he was added to the story, but man, the only memorial thigns about his character were getting smacked by his sister, tooled on by the Khals, and murdered in brutal fashion (definitely the highlight of his arc). He did have a very attractive girl with him in that one tub scene, but he managed to ruin that too.

Drogo’s golden crown was pretty metal, if you’ll pardon the poorly constructed pun. It couldn’t have happened to a more whiny, abusive piece of shit. Until I started the previews, I had forgotten he was even a character. At least Joffrey had an impact and some character to him. Viserys was just a whiny little runt and his death came at the right time. He couldn’t overstay his welcome. There was nothing to overstay.

Death – 1 Noble Soldier, 1 whiny little fake dragon.

Boobs – 1 and ½ (The half was in the preview. It was also due to breastfeeding a 12 year old, so I mean, not high on the erotic list. If it was high on your erotic list, please allow me call Chris Hansen.) 1 Vagina, which was kind of weird.

Needlessly Graphic Sex – 0. What the hell man? I have HBO Go.