Ok, fine. It’s Authorized.
As a child, the young man who would later be known as Hanbone wanted to do nothing else but write. Often, the subject of these writings were complaining about things that bothered him – Why weren’t juice boxes bigger? How come recess was only 15 minutes? Do we really need naps? The children who knew him enjoyed his wit and critiques, even if most of the words were misspelled and the writings were about 400 words too long. Unfortunately, the powers at be, AKA teachers, did not appreciate his works, likely because they were the subject in 50% of them. This wished to silence Hanbone with things like “homework” and “lessons”. He would continue to write, only sharing his work with a select few people he could trust, but his volume began to dwindle.
As an adult, Hanbone thought he’d have much more free time to write to his hearts content and give the people what they wanted. Sadly, he lived in the real world, where that wasn’t an option. New, stronger allies of his old enemies surfaced – responsibilities, bills and the work force, ones who Hanbone was unable to overcome. For nearly 5 years, Hanbone put down his quill and picked up a headset and a clip on tie. It was like trying to turn a cowboy into an accountant – messy, a bit sad, and with much less funny hats than you might expect.
In the years away from his noble, heroic interest, Hanbone dreamed that someone, anyone, would take the mantle. Sure, plenty of people were writing, but about their feelings or why they were offended at the most basic things. Nobody has time for that. Where was the sarcasm? What happened to the snarky? These traits were gone, and in their place, was the greatest enemy our society had faced – politically correct boredom*. Hanbone couldn’t help but feel guilty that he had left the working class in such dire straits. He began to plot, deciding that someday soon, he would re-emerge.
Today, my friends, is that time.
The dark years weren’t all wasted. Hanbone’s experiences made him realize a life without excitement, joy, or complaining about even the minutest annoyances in essay form, was not one worth living. He saw how the people went through their days living in boredom, distress, and begging for some specs of joy on their long, arduous journeys to their cubicles. Hanbone knew it was his duty to help**. The years of soul searching and training made him realize the goal wasn’t just to write. It was to defeat the boredom monster for himself and as many people that would read his work. That would almost be a full dozen. In order for this to work Hanbone needed yet another alias, one that would show the people he was back and did not intent to leave them once more.
Thus, Bloggin Hood was born. Also, it sounded like something the youths might be into which would help popularity. Despite rumors, he doesn’t strictly wear green, though he prefers to on Sundays.
Fortunately, Bloggin Hood will have the support of his Merry Men, the same group he trusted his original works with. Unfortunately for him, the Merry Men get most of the merriment from mocking and critiquing said writings. He will certainly being removing and reorganizing members’ titles on a regular basis. Of course special thanks needs to be paid to Maid Megan, who, for a maid, sure says a lot of swears. Plus she spends a lot of time talking about a variety of devils, almost like they were a team. Not sure where she got the maiden title, but so be it.
Through years of trials and tribulations, Bloggin Hood has one mantra that he lives by– to steal from the rich and give to the poor. No, not money; he’s referring to good spirits. There will NOT be any redistributing of wealth here. This isn’t a charity, it’s a blog. Stop being crazy.
Besides, wouldn’t you say that bringing each and every reader joy is much more important that wealth?
No, you probably wouldn’t, but he’s still not giving out handouts.
You can follow Bloggin Hood on twitter @Hanbone24.
*I mean, let’s be serious, who else was he going to fight? The Sheriff of Nothinham? I mean, that guy was never really a threat. He never challenged Robin Hood. The biggest accomplishment that the Sheriff of Nothinham had was he wasn’t impeached. I’d argue that wind was a greater adversary to Robin Hood. At least that could mess with arrows.
**Several of you likely laughed at the word “duty”. That’s good. You’re definitely at the right site.