GOT Review – Episode 28: The Second Sons

Rough Edges – Awaken near a fire, we are reminded Arya is a prisoner of the Hound. She grabs a large stone and tries to get the jump on her sleeping prisoner, but he’s very aware of the attempt. He offers Arya one try, but if he lives, he’ll break the girl’s hand. The assassination attempt ends here.

As they travel, The Hound says there are worse men than himself out there which Arya doesn’t believe. He confesses to helping protect Sansa at King’s Landing, which, again, Arya doesn’t believe. I can’t blame her. What about the Hound seems trustworthy? His thirst for murder?

Arya expects to be taking to King’s landing, but obviously the Hound has no interest in that move. The Hound plans to sell Arya to the Starks by taking her to the Twins. Arya has no idea of the wedding, where the Hound plans on making the exchange. 

A Head Dropping Twist –  Ok, this is going to be out of order, but it’s a Bloggin Hood Series. Truthfully, what did you expect?

The three leaders of the Second Sons discuss Dany. Mero continues to assume he’ll have sex with Dany and discusses little else besides his penis. Daario takes things more seriously, warning them about the Unsullied. Daario says he fights for beauty, and thinks the only pleasures in life are killing and sex. So I mean, that’s a caveman perspective, yet still light years ahead of Mero. 

Mero suggests instead of fighting the Unsullied, they just slip into her camp and night and kill her, avoiding the battle they could lose. They draw lots to determine who will do it. Daario is the winner. I mean, the twist would have been somebody else getting picked, but I guess we’ll play this part straight. Fair enough. 

Later, Dany is being bathed but Missandei, which is pretty enjoyable for the fans. In the scene, Dany’s Dorthraki pronunciation is called out which offends the queen. But then when both begin to pronounce words, she realizes she’s not great at it. Pretty funny scene, if only to add surprise tension for what’s to come. Could this be the send off before both are brutally killed? 

Daario sneaks into the bath in an Unsullied uniform, holding Missandei at knife point. He says he only wants Dany, but then as a sign of peace, shows that he killed both other captains. By bringing their heads. He wants Dany, in the sexual sex sense. This seems like an extreme way of getting her attention, but he’s pretty so Dany listens.

Daario says that he decided to kill them because of Dany’s beauty and he wants to serve her. Dany gets out of the tub naked, I assume as Daario’s reward (nice), and Missandei dresses herself. Daario swears he will fight for Dany, also giving her the second sons. Anytime you can team up with a group that’s based on being paid to fight and has already shown willingness to break a contract, you have to do it. 

Sansa and Tyrion make it to his bedchamber, a true struggle for the wobbly Lannister and Sansa looks extremely worried. Tyrion decides to go back to drinking, a sign he doesn’t want to proceed and tells Sansa to stop calling him lord and instead, use Tyrion. He asks for Sansa’s age, which is 14. The scene ends with Chris Hansen and the FBI arresting Tyrion in a truly marvelous twist. 

The age gap is really unsettling for Tyrion. He tells Sansa he was ordered to consummate the marriage, which actually forces Sansa to drink. Really interesting the Lannisters make Sansa feel the need for a lot of wine. She sadly goes to the bed and begins disrobing, but Tyrion looks guilty while she does. He stops her and says that he won’t share a bed with her until Sansa wants to. Sansa counters with what if she never wants to. That saddens Tyrion, but he accepts it, passing out on a chair. It was going to happen sooner or later.

Shea brings in breakfast for the two and checks the bed sheets immediately. She is happy to find there is no blood. I mean, that’s not what I call romance, but I get her perspective. Let’s see how this relationship is doing a season from now. 

Sam the Slayer –  Sam and Gilly continue to travel toward Castle Black. Sam finds some shelter where they plan to stay for the night, an abandoned, broken down shack. Sounds right for Sam. A few ravens are in their path, which seems like a bad omen. None of the Ravens have three eyes, I think, but if Sam could kill a few to be safe, that’d be great. 

Sam can’t build a fire, so Gilly suggests to come under the furs and use body heat to keep either other warm. Sam’s pretty eager for that. A bit too much.

Sam asks if Gilly has thought of a name but the baby, but Gilly is mad at all the fancy language he’s used, so she goes to build a fire. Well played Sam. You ain’t getting that body heat action now.

Sam discusses different boys name and explains the difference between first and last names to Gilly using his family. Gilly likes Sam’s father’s name, Randyll, but Sam begs her not to use it. They bond for a second over their father’s being cruel. That’s textbook love. I mean, in this story, that’s a top three love moment. 

The crows are going frigging crazy, so Sam goes out to look, grabbing a sword on the way. There’s now roughly 100 crows squawking like crazy. Keep it down! Sam’s failing at getting laid in there!

They stop (thank you) when a sound is heard (oh). It’s a walker, coming for Gilly’s baby. The walker casually walks up to Sam and freezes his sword, shattering it. He easily shoves Sam aside, and goes toward the baby. Sam stabs him with the dragon glass knife and after a few seconds of screaming, the Walker crumbles and dies. Gilly and Sam run. This was a great fight scene, not from any impressive displays, but that it was realistic. Sam’s not cutting through an ice zombie 1 on 1. But a desperate back attack with what turns to be their one weakness? I think that works. 

Mero, a bastard coated bastard – Few men in Westeros are good. From what we’ve seen, less men in the free cities are, unless they are captured slaves. And then, theirs Mero, a true piece of shit.

The opponent Dany is up against are a group of sell swords called the Second Sons. They are led by a man named Mero from Bravosi, “The Titan’s Bastard”. That’s a pretty accurate nickname, minus the Titan part. Berristan seems to think these men could make a difference in capturing the city, so Dany holds council with them.

Three captains come to visit her, including Mero. We also meet Daario and some fodder who’s certainly dying. Mero is extremely sexual to Dany, calling her a whore and outright demands sex from her which is barely acknowledged. Dany points out that the second sons they have 10,000 Unsullied, but Daario corrects that to 8,000. The other men correct that Daario is merely a lieutenant, since they are clearly jealous that he actually understands war. 

Mero is a complete creep sniffing Milssandei’s crouch and asking to see Dany’s, umm, lady bits? It’s extremely aggressive and Grey Worm is ready to cut his tongue out. Captain Fodder says that they will not break their contract as nobody will hire them again if they do. Don’t hold your breathe future beheaded corpse. Dany tells them 14 days ago she had no armies and a year ago she had no Dragons. Joining the Dany army is an opportunity for growth.

When they leave, Mero pats Missandei’s ass as a final act of dick. Dang commands Barristan to murder Mero first which he’s glad to hear. 

Sheep to the slaughter – Melisandra arrives at Dragonstone with Gendry with absolutely no chill. Stannis joins her in this, grabbing Gendry’s face to inspect him, determining him to be Robert’s bastard. That’s not a good first impression. Melisandra gives Gendry a room and clothes, so that seems to be a good thing. But, naturally it’s not.

She’s going to murder him. She tells Stannis she is buttering him up before killing him as to not let terror seep into his royal blood. She compares him to a lamb and says she’s slaughtered a bunch of them. I don’t think she means she was once a butcher. 

Death by sex – In his appointed room, Gendry says he’s never seen anything quite like the one he’s staying in. Meli and Gendry share stories about eating really crappy stew with “meat” in it. Is the red woman truthfully here, or lying to put Gendry at ease. Melisandra offers wine to Gendry, and takes a sip to show it’s not poisoned. We’ve seen that trick in season 2, so Gendry should be afraid, but this time it’s not poison. She asks if Gendry knows where it’s from, then tells him somehow that it doesn’t matter where or if it’s real if your tongue believes it. Umm, what? What the hell does that mean? What is in that cup? 

Gendry still thinks he doesn’t belong here, but Meli says the Lord of Light wills it. Then she starts removing Gendry’s clothes and kind of eating his face. Gendry doesn’t think this is very religious but Melisandra ensures this is. Is this her prayer? I feel like more people would sign up for the religion if they knew about this.

Meli takes off her clothes and Gendry stops questioning things. Meli tells Gendry that the two together can stop the oncoming darkness, which apparently means banging. Then we get some sex cause sure why not. Turns out Melisnadra doesn’t just hit it and quit it, she hits it and rips it.

She ties up Gendry, which seems like a kink, but oh my no, it’s going to be murder. She begins to take blood via leeches. The whole sex thing was to get his blood pumping, including by his penis. Maybe I’m out on this religion after all.

Davos has no luck – In his dungeon, because that’s where the best characters go, Davos struggles reading his book. He slowly, but surely picks up words, and is proud for finishing a sentence.

Stannis visits Davos and asks if he’s been fed enough. He apologizes for his son dying and says Davos doesn’t belong in a place like this. (Dude, you put him in there). Stannis says that Meli returned with Gendry quoting the power of King’s blood. Davos calls it murder while Stannis says it’s a sacrifice and he already killed his brother, so what’s the difference? Ok, then why go talk to Davos then? For taunting?

Davos states Renly was different because he claimed the throne that was meant for Stannis. This murder would be wrong. Stannis says he must win to prevent the never-ending night, according to Melisandra, and doesn’t see how one boy is worth more than the kingdoms. Again, if your mind is made up, this scene has no point. 

Stannis is here to free Davos, if he won’t try to kill Melisandra. Davos can’t promise to not speak out against her. Stannis says he must not care about his life, which Davos agrees, saying his respect for his own life verges on none. Davos asks why he’s being freed on the day the boy is killed. Davos believes Stannis came to him knowing he advise against killing Gendry. You know, because Davos is the last living character with a brain. Stannis counters by saying he’s seen visions in the flames, and quotes the SCENE. Stannis asks how can Davos deny Meli’s god is real. I have to be honest, he has a point. Davos has no answer, possibly because he doesn’t understand how a shadow demon can justify murdering an innocent person. Also a good point.

Later, Stannis and Davos walk in on Melisandra tying up Gendry. Meli gets dressed and says that Davos is to blame for the loss at Blackwater because he diddn’t believe in King’s Blood. Come on! He just got out of jail for Christ sake. This is like blaming Davos for global warming. 

Gendry begs for saviors, but Meli comes back to take the leeches off. What a crappy day for Gendry who went from sex to nothing really quickly. Now, he’s lost blood AND has the bluest of balls. Poor guy. Stannis takes each of the leeches and throws them into a fire, cursing the other would be kings – Joffrey, Robb and Balon. This part becomes interesting. All three of those characters will have something in common soon. I’ll give you a hint – characters alive on the show is not the answer.

Cersei’s flex – Margarey calls Cersei Radient, which pisses Cersei off for some reason. God, I hate it when people pay me compliments too. What a bitch that Margarey is.

Cersei quotes the Rains of Castamere and tells Margarey the story. Lord Reyne, leader of the second riches family in Westeros tried to become the #1 by building the biggest houses, showing off the family’s wealth and rebelling against the Lannisters. Tywin disagreed, so they were brutally destroyed. We’re talking dinosaur like extinction: Cersei tells her this as a threat, and says if Margraey ever tries to cosy up to Cersei again, she’ll have her strangled. That seems like a bit much.

Later, Loras approaches Cersei and both looks upset they have to talk. He tries to talk to her about the wedding, one Loras also wants no part of. Cersei cuts off Loras before he even gets a word in and says nobody cares and walks away. 

Tyrion’s Rough Season continues – Tyrion comes to visit Sansa, asking Shea to leave the room, which she is not happy about. Tyrion lets Sansa know he did not ask for this wedding and tells Sansa she won’t be a prisoner anymore, though she admits being his wife is not what she would want. He tries to say he knows how Sansa feels, which Sansa heavily doubts. And it’s true to at least some extent. Tyrion shifts gears and promises he will never hurt her. Tyrion offers her wine, which is his go to coping mechanism. It’s an awkward scene (by design) and you can feel the tension.

At the ceremony, Joffrey of all people is going to give Sansa to Tyrion. She can’t even put into words her dread. Imagine this creep giving you away on your wedding day. She does all she can to keep from crying. It’s a long walk. Joffrey takes the step stool left for Tyrion so he can’t cloak the bride easily. It’s to embarrass him, as people in the crowd laugh (until Tywin gives the evil eye.) Sansa has to bend down so he can put it on her. It just makes Tyrion look like a joke on a day where Tywin would want to keep good appearances. Not a great episode for him. 

Joffrey is a dick – Joffrey runs into Sansa at the reception and taunts her for finally marrying a Lannister and that she’ll have a Lannister baby. Then he says that maybe he’ll pay Sansa a visit to put the baby in her. So that’s great. Now she has that to deal with.

Joffrey then becomes overly happy trying to start a bedding ceremory, which Tyrion obvious has no capability to complete, both due to mind and body. Tyrion, finally having enough of Joffrey’s shit, threatens Joffrey for trying to force a bedding ceremony, saying he’ll cut his cock off. When things get uncomfortable, Tywin ends it and Tyrion tries to play it off as a joke. He becomes a huge over-sharer about his past escapades to Sansa and any listeners   but I think part of Tyrion’s goal was to avoid more attention on Sansa.

Boobs – 2

Death – Sansa’s Dreams, Mero, Captain Fodder

Needlessly Graphic Sex – 1, and it was for attempted murder. That’s rough.